Defying the Odds
by MaureenT
Summary: In this AU of Forever in a Day, the tragic occurrences in that tent on Abydos happen very differently, leading to events that have a profound impact on SG-1 and the lives of Daniel and Sam. D&S romance. NOTE: Rating changed.
1. Chapter 1

**Defying the Odds**

**Author:** MaureenT  
><strong>Categories:<strong> Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance  
><strong>Content Warning:<strong> Adult Themes, Mild Profanity, Strong Sexual Content  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> The original Stargate movie, several 1st, 2nd and 3rd season episodes, The Curse

**Author's Notes: **This story is quite different in some ways from my usual Daniel/Sam fanfic.

**IMPORTANT:**** Be sure to read any notes at the end of the chapters regarding the differences in the events of this universe's Forever in a Day.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER ONE<p>

The pain bore into Daniel's brain, an agony that he had known twice before but had prayed he'd never feel again.

He had been a fool to enter the tent alone, but all he could think about was Sha're and the child who was her son, the child he had sworn would remain safe. As he stood facing Amaunet, he had tried to stay cool and calm, to not reveal how hard it was for him to look upon the face of his beloved wife and see none of Sha're's soul or spirit. His act did him no good, and now he was held captive by the power of Amaunet's ribbon device as it slowly destroyed his brain. He could have shot her, pulled the trigger and saved himself, but his love for Sha're wouldn't let him. He had feared even an attempt to wound her in case he accidentally hit an artery.

Fighting through the fiery pain, he looked up into the eyes of the woman looming over him, eyes that were cold and cruel, no trace of the woman he loved within them.

_'Fight it, Sha're. Fight her!'_ he cried in his mind, repeating a plea he had spoken aloud moments ago. But she could not hear him.

Daniel's mind then cried out to his teammates, praying that they would come to his rescue, but, as the feeling of death crept into his body, he realized that there would be no rescue. He was going to die at the hands of the creature that had imprisoned his wife, a creature who was now using her body to kill him. And, when he died, his dream of saving her would die with him.

_'Forgive me, Sha're,'_ Daniel silently whispered as a cloud of blackness began filling his mind, taking his vision until there was nothing but the darkness and the pain. In the final moment before the blackness consumed him utterly, the last remnant of his consciousness heard something, a lone sound that shattered the silence in the tent – the sound of a single gunshot.

* * *

><p>Colonel Jack O'Neill made his slow way down the corridor. He did not look at any of the people he passed, though he was aware that many of them looked at him. He knew what he'd see if he did look: expressions of sympathy, perhaps some of understanding. In the two and a half years that the Stargate Program had been in existence, they had lost a lot of good people, and there was no doubt that there would be more losses in the future. It was a sad fact of being in the military, of being in a war. But that fact could not stop the pain in Jack's heart nor the thought that <em>this<em> loss was one that was far too great, one that was so terribly wrong.

Reaching his destination, Jack came to a stop. He stood before the doorway for several seconds, preparing himself yet again for what lay beyond. Drawing in a deep breath, he stepped forward and entered the room.

All of the beds in the ICU were empty, all, that is, except for one, a bed that sat at the far end of the room, a bed whose occupant was far too pale and far too still, his only movement the slow rise and fall of his chest as air was forced into his lungs by the machine that was keeping him alive.

Jack gazed at the face of the man he had come to think of as his best friend, seeing the ghost-white skin, the closed, dark-circled eyes. He would give everything he owned to see those eyes open and look at him.

Jack's gaze went to the person who sat in a chair beside the bed. Sam had been crying again. He could see the traces of tears on her face. Daniel's limp hand was grasped in one of hers, her other hand softly caressing the back of his. The sight of that simple, loving gesture almost made Jack flee the room, the pain in his chest going up another notch. Instead, he swallowed the lump in his throat and softly spoke.

"Sam?"

After a moment, the major lifted her eyes to his, eyes that mirrored the anguish he was feeling.

"You need to get some rest, Carter," Jack told her. "You were here half the night."

"I'm not tired." The statement was a lie, and they both knew it.

"Sam, even if Fraiser would let you, you can't stay here all the time."

"I can't sleep," Sam said in a small voice. "Every time I try, I have nightmares."

Jack sighed. Yes, nightmares. He'd had more than one of those himself since it happened, nightmares of finding Daniel lying dead in that tent, Amaunet smiling in triumph at his lifeless body, nightmares of Daniel in this very bed, the line on the heart monitor going flat. And what made it all the worse was that those dreams of his best friend's death would very likely come true.

Jack got another chair and set it on the opposite side of the bed, his gaze returning to Daniel's lifeless-looking face. There was silence in the room, broken only by the noises of the life support system and the slow beeping of the heart monitor.

"If only we had gotten to him sooner," Sam said, her voice thick with tears. "If we had reached him sooner, he'd be okay."

Jack closed his eyes and took a slightly shaky breath. He'd already cursed himself a thousand times for their failure to reach Daniel in time. A few seconds, just a few seconds sooner, and Daniel would be all right. But those precious, irretrievable seconds were lost fighting Jaffa, and Daniel was lost with them. No, not lost, not yet. There had to be _some_ hope left. There _had_ to be.

Just then, Janet Fraiser came in. There was an air of sad weariness about her, the expression in her deep brown eyes that of a doctor who knew that all her knowledge and skill was not enough to save her patient.

"Any changes?" Jack asked, already knowing the answer.

There was a long pause before she replied. "He's weakening, sir."

Sam's head shot up, scared eyes staring at the doctor. "But you said before that he was stable."

"He was for a while, Sam, but I already knew that wouldn't last. Even if it did. . . ." Janet paused again. There was pain in her voice when she resumed speaking. "He's already gone, Sam. With brain damage that extensive, there is no hope that he'll come back to us. He would be dead now if we didn't have him on life support."

Tears began falling down Sam's face. "We can't just let him die. I'll use the healing device."

"You and I already agreed that you don't have enough proficiency with it to attempt something as delicate as repairing brain damage. Just the smallest error could kill him."

Sam's voice grew desperate. "The Tok'ra might still respond to our message in time."

Janet nodded. "I know. I haven't given up hope yet, Sam, but you need to understand that, even if the Tok'ra do get here in time, I'm not sure if one of those handheld devices is powerful enough to make those kinds of repairs."

"A sarcophagus could," Jack said. "If we could get him to one, it would heal him."

Jack had already said that very thing to General Hammond, just about begging the man to let them go after one. They knew the locations of at least two. The problem was that both of them were inside Goa'uld palaces filled with hundreds of Jaffa. Hammond, knowing that it would be suicide to even try, regretfully said no.

"How much time does he have?" Jack asked the doctor.

"If he continues to decline at his present rate, it's doubtful that he'll make it through another night."

Sam abruptly got to her feet. With a hasty, "Excuse me," she fled the room. She only just managed to make it to her quarters before completely losing control of her emotions. Her body shaking with sobs, she laid down on the bed. It felt like someone was squeezing her heart to pulp. Daniel was going to die. They were going to lose him, _she_ was going to lose him, her best friend and confidant, the man who had become so precious to her.

"I love you, Daniel," she whispered. "I love you. Please don't leave me."

It was the first time she had spoken the words aloud in all the time that had passed since the day less than one year ago when she realized that the love she felt for Daniel was far more than that of a friend. On that day she had also feared that she was going to lose him. As he lay trapped within the dying body of Ma'chello, Sam had begged him not to leave her, just as she was begging now. She had known then, as she did now, that his death would leave a hole inside her that would never be filled, but it wasn't until after the crisis had passed and she was able to relax that she came to the realization that she'd fallen in love with Daniel.

It really was no surprise that she'd come to feel this way. He was everything she could ever want or need in a man, a wonderful, brilliant, caring person who, right from the start, she liked and admired. As the months passed, those feelings grew, along with love for him as a friend. When did that friendship love become more? Sam didn't know. All she knew was that she had never loved like this before – and never would again. If Daniel died, the biggest part of her heart would die with him.

* * *

><p>"O'Neill."<p>

Jack lifted his head from his hands and looked up at the man who was now standing in the room. Teal'c stood solemnly, his back ramrod straight. Anyone who didn't know him would think that he was unaffected by what was happening, but Jack had come to recognize the signs that spoke the truth of the Jaffa's emotions, the little muscle that twitched in the hard jaw, the frown that changed ever so subtly. And when Teal'c allowed his guard to fall just a little, the emotions could be seen in his eyes, if you looked hard enough, just as Jack could see them now.

"Doctor Fraiser has told me that Daniel Jackson is dying," the Jaffa stated softly.

A sharp, stabbing pain speared through Jack's heart, and it took him a while to answer. "She thinks he won't make it through another night."

"There is no word yet from the Tok'ra?"

"No. Hammond had another message sent, but, if they don't come soon. . . ." Jack turned back to Daniel. "This is wrong, Teal'c. It is just so damn wrong. It should never have happened. What was he thinking going to that tent by himself? Why did he do it, dammit? He should have known better!"

"His love for his wife was great, O'Neill. If I had been in his place, I believe that I would have done the same."

Jack thought about what he'd have done if it had been Sara in that tent. Would he have gone rushing in without backup or any thought for his own safety? He couldn't say that he wouldn't have.

"I just feel so damn helpless," Jack confessed. "Faced with an enemy force, I can plan out a strategy. I can use my skills and training to get myself and my team out alive. But this. . . . My friend is lying there, dying, and there's nothing I can do to save him, no brilliant plan or strategy I can come up with to make this turn out all right."

"I, too, would wish that I had the power to save him," Teal'c said. He looked at the man lying in the bed, sorrow and guilt warring for supremacy inside him. After seeing Daniel disappear into the tent, he had attempted to go after the archeologist, but, at that moment, scores of enemy Jaffa appeared over the rise, and he'd had no choice but to stay and fight. By the time he and his teammates made it to the tent, it was too late to save their friend from the terrible damage that Teal'c had seen wrought by ribbon devices many times in the past. Though Daniel had still been clinging to life, the report from Doctor Fraiser confirmed what the former First Prime had already feared.

Teal'c would have never believed that one such as Daniel Jackson, a man so different from him, would one day become his friend, yet that is what the man was, and now Teal'c was going to lose yet another friend to the Goa'uld.

Feeling old and tired, Jack rose to his feet. "I'm going to go take a walk. You'll stay with him?"

"I will not leave this room until your return, O'Neill."

Nodding, Jack left the infirmary. Since receiving the devastating news from Janet about the brain damage, Daniel's teammates had made sure that he was never alone. At least one of them was always at his side. Though no one had said so aloud, Jack knew that the reason for the constant vigil was that none of them wanted Daniel to die alone. Or perhaps it was that they had all hoped their presence would somehow give him the strength to hold on.

Jack made his way to the top of Cheyenne Mountain. He went down the dirt trail to a little clearing. There, he sat upon a fallen tree. He closed his eyes against the burn of tears, trying to keep them at bay.

"Damn you, Daniel," he whispered. "Why couldn't you have waited? We could have gone after her together. Why did you have to play Rambo and go alone?"

Jack's moment of anger toward his friend faded as quickly as it was born, overwhelmed by the grief. He thought about the first time he met Daniel. If someone had told him back then that he'd come to care about the archeologist like a brother, he'd have laughed in their face. If they had told him that that sneezing, long-haired dweeb would come to be one of the best friends he'd ever had, he would have thought they were insane. But that was before he discovered that the "dweeb" was actually one of the strongest, most courageous men Jack had ever known.

Jack propped his elbows on his knees and lowered his head into his hands. "God, Daniel. I wish it was me in that bed instead of you. I don't know if I can keep doing this without you there to rag on me and tell me what we should and shouldn't do."

The thought of retirement came into Jack's mind. The last time he thought about it was when they all believed that Daniel had burned to death. That time, the unrelenting feelings of grief and guilt were partly due to the low serotonin levels caused by what Nem did to them. There was nothing wrong with his serotonin levels now, yet he hurt just as much he did back then, if not more.

Maybe retirement really was the best thing. Then he wouldn't have to watch any more friends die in the fight against an enemy that they would probably never beat.

An hour passed before Jack gathered the will to go back to the ICU. When he got there, he found Teal'c silently standing beside Daniel's bed, an expression of deep sorrow and regret on his face. The expression vanished the moment the Jaffa became aware of the colonel's presence. No words passed between them as Jack took a seat, his eyes going to Daniel's unmoving form. Teal'c remained where he was a moment longer, then began heading for the door.

"You don't have to go, Teal'c," Jack said.

"Do you not wish to be alone with Daniel Jackson?"

"What's the difference? He can't hear us. He can't see us. He's not even aware of our presence. He's not aware of anything at all. The fact is that he's already gone. His heart may still be beating, but everything that made him who he was is gone." Jack's voice broke on the final word. He leapt to his feet and strode away across the room. "Dammit," he whispered, feeling his emotional control start to slip.

There was a long moment of silence, then, in a very soft voice, Teal'c said, "I grieve for him as well, O'Neill."

Jack slowly turned to the Jaffa. For only the second time since meeting the man, Jack saw Teal'c with his emotions completely unshuttered.

"He was a good friend, Teal'c," Jack said in a ragged voice.

"Yes, he was."

"I don't know if I can say goodbye."

"We will all say it together."

The two men fell silent. Jack returned to his chair, and Teal'c resumed his position on the other side of the bed. A little over an hour later, Sam joined them. She said nothing as she settled in the other chair. She didn't have to. Though she had apparently put on some makeup in an attempt to hide it, it was obvious that she'd been crying a lot, probably all the time she had been gone. On impulse, Jack reached across the bed and gave her hand a squeeze. Anguish-filled eyes met his for a long moment, a spark of gratitude lighting within them.

From the doorway, Janet watched the three teammates and their silent vigil, tears stinging her eyes. She turned away and went to her office. She picked up the file that she had looked at more times than she could count over the past day and a half, her eyes then going to the scans that told the brutal, inescapable truth, the truth that there was nothing she could do to save the man she had come to look upon as a dear friend. The fact was that he should already be dead. He should have died before they even managed to get him back to Earth. She could only attribute his survival to his amazing will power. But that will power could not save him now.

The doctor turned her gaze to the device sitting on a table in the corner, wishing that she had the power to use it. And it would be used. If she was right about Daniel's condition, well before this day was at an end, he would reach the point when all other hope would be lost, and there would be no reason for Sam not to attempt to heal him with it. Perhaps she should go ahead and let Sam try now. No. Not yet. There was still a chance that one of the Tok'ra would come.

Janet left the infirmary and went to General Hammond's office.

"Doctor Fraiser. Please sit," he said. He watched as she settled in the chair on the other side of the desk "I assume that there has been no improvement in Doctor Jackson's condition."

"No, sir. I don't think he's going to be with us for much longer."

Sorrow filled the general's face. "Over the years, I have lost a lot of good men and women under my command, and every one of them hurt, but this time. . . . Doctor Jackson is one if the finest people I have ever had the privilege to meet, and his death will be a loss to all of us, not just to the Stargate Program but to the whole planet. I can't help but think that, without him, our fight against the Goa'uld will be made a great deal harder."

"Sir, does Daniel have any family?"

"I believe that his maternal grandfather is still living, but, judging by a comment that Doctor Jackson made once, the two of them have been estranged for several years. If the reason you are asking is that you believe I should contact him about his grandson, even if I did so, I could not allow him to come to this base to see his grandson."

"I understand, sir."

Hammond studied the doctor. "How are his teammates holding up?"

"Not well, I'm afraid. I don't think that Sam and the colonel have gotten any sleep to speak of, and I don't know if Teal'c has even attempted to perform Kel'no'reem. They spend a lot of their time with Daniel. He is very important to them, and I really don't know how his death will affect them. Back when we all thought that he died on Oannes, they were a mess. Granted, that was due in large part to the abnormally low serotonin levels, but I'm still concerned. They're all suffering a lot of guilt over not getting to Daniel in time."

"It wasn't their fault."

"I know, sir, but that isn't going to stop them from thinking that there was something they could have done differently."

The general looked away. "They are not the only one with that thought, Janet. If I had sent more men through with them, the battle would have gone on for less time, and they could have gotten to him sooner, perhaps even before Amaunet had the chance to use the ribbon device."

"Sir, you didn't know that there was such a large force of Jaffa on the planet. And weren't the two teams you sent with them the only ones available?"

"Yes, but there were other options." Hammond let out a sigh. "But my regret over what I didn't do isn't going to help anything now. The only thing I can do now is try to help Doctor Jackson's teammates through this in whatever way possible."

* * *

><p>Sam watched in horror as Daniel took one last breath and the line on the heart monitor went flat, an unending tone announcing that the man she loved was dead.<p>

"No!" she screamed in anguish, sobs choking her throat.

"Sam!" cried a distant voice. "Sam, wake up!"

With a gasp, Sam's eyes flew open. Her gaze went to Daniel, then the life signs monitor. He was still alive. It had been a dream.

"Hey. You okay?"

Sam looked up at Jack, who was leaning over her.

"Yeah," she answered as she sat up and shakily wiped the tears from her face.

"I'm sorry. I should have woke you up as soon as I realized that you were having a dream."

"How long was I sleeping?"

"Not long, maybe half an hour."

Sam got up from the ICU bed beside Daniel's, where Janet had insisted she take a nap when it became clear that neither she nor Daniel's other teammates intended to go to their quarters to get some rest. Sitting upon the next bed over was Teal'c, who had apparently been attempting to Kel'no'reem but was now completely aware.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, Teal'c," Sam said.

"No apologies are necessary, Major Carter. I had not succeeded in attaining Ke'no'reem."

"Are you feeling okay? I know that if you go too long without doing it, you'll get sick."

"I have not reached that point as of yet."

Sam sat down beside Daniel, who looked the same as he did before her nap. Her eyes then went to her C.O., whose face looked drawn and haggard.

"You should try to get some sleep, sir," she said.

"Maybe later."

Sam nodded, saying nothing more. There was silence in the room for a few minutes.

"I almost wish we could get our hands on a Goa'uld symbiote," Jack said, breaking the silence. "We could let it heal him, then the Tok'ra could take it out."

The thought of a Goa'uld being inside of Daniel sickened Sam, even if it would just be temporary, but if it would save his life, she'd be all for it.

"If the prim'ta within me was mature enough to successfully take a host, I would give it to Daniel Jackson gladly," Teal'c stated. The others looked at him, knowing that doing such a thing would result in the Jaffa's death. But was it any surprise that Teal'c would sacrifice his life for Daniel? Both of them would do the same in an instant.

At that moment, warning lights began flashing, and words that they had heard many times before sent all three of them jumping to their feet.

"Unscheduled off-world activation."

Sam's eyes locked upon Jack's, hope blazing within them. "It could be the Tok'ra!" she exclaimed. And then she was off, racing out of the room, Jack and Teal'c hot on her heels. They reached the control room just as the wormhole connected.

"Are we receiving a signal?" Hammond asked Sergeant Harriman.

"Something's coming through now, sir." A smile came to Walter's face. "It's the Tok'ra, General."

"Oh, thank God," Sam said. She and her teammates hurried out of the control room and down to the gate room, followed by Hammond.

Any Tok'ra would have been a welcome sight to the three, but when Jacob Carter appeared, the relief was almost overwhelming to Sam. The second he was off the ramp, she was hugging him.

"Thank God you came, Dad. We've been so afraid that someone wouldn't get here in time."

Jacob stared at her, seeing that she was on the edge of tears. He then looked at Jack, Teal'c and Hammond.

"What's happened? The message we received said only that Daniel was in bad shape and desperately needed someone who could use a healing device."

"Come on," Jack told him. "We'll explain on the way to the infirmary."

Jacob was filled in on the whole story. As he entered the ICU and his gaze fell upon Daniel, he could instantly see that it was bad. The archeologist already looked dead, only the rise and fall of his chest and the readouts on the life signs monitor telling Jacob otherwise. His gaze went to the EEG. It was nearly flat, only tiny, occasional spikes testifying that there was still some life left within Daniel's brain.

"How bad it is?" Jacob asked Janet.

"As bad as it can get. The brain damage is extensive and severe. Even if we could keep him alive on life support, he would never wake up. His body is failing. He doesn't have much time left."

"Can you do something, Dad?" Sam asked.

"Selmak and I can try, but you have to understand that these healing devices," he gestured at the one in his hand, "are not nearly as powerful as a sarcophagus."

"Do what you can, Jacob," Hammond told him. "That's all we ask."

Lifting the healing device over Daniel's head, Jacob closed his eyes and relinquished control to Selmak. The other five people in the room watched silently, all of them nearly holding their breath. It seemed like a very long time before the healing device was lowered. Jacob's eyes blinked open, and he looked at them.

"Dad?" Sam said, desperate hope in her voice.

"We managed to heal the damage, but. . . ."

"But what?" Jack asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"We can't be certain if Daniel is still all there. When it comes to severe brain injuries, sometimes, even if we heal the physical damage, what was lost because of the injury never returns."

Feeling sick, Sam turned to the man she loved. Would they ever really get him back? Was his brilliant mind, his seemingly fathomless knowledge, lost forever? Would he even know who they were?

"I'm sorry," Jacob said, seeing how upset his daughter was. "I wish I could do more."

"You saved his life," Jack responded. "We'll get through the rest."

"How long before we know?" Sam asked, trying to think positively.

"He'll sleep for a while," her father replied, "probably a few hours. I guess we'll find out when he awakens."

Janet nodded. "You should leave, all of you, and let him rest."

Sam objected. "But what if he wakes up?"

"I'll check on him every few minutes, Sam. The moment it looks like he might be regaining consciousness, I'll contact all of you."

Daniel's teammates reluctantly left the infirmary with Hammond and Jacob. The Tok'ra went with Sam to her lab. He watched as she lowered herself into a chair and closed her eyes. He could see the tiredness on her face, as well as the signs of someone who had gone through emotional hell. He wheeled a chair over and sat beside her.

"How are you doing, Sammie?" he asked gently.

"It's been hard, Dad. These have been two of the worst days of my life. It hurt so much to know that we were probably going to lose him."

Jacob took his daughter's hand. "I know, Sam. Losing someone you love hurts more than anything else ever could."

The tone of his voice made Sam look at her father. In his eyes she saw that he was not speaking of the pain of losing a friend.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"I figured it out when I was here last time, after that incident with Seth. I listened to you talk about Daniel, saw how your face lit up. I'm your father, Sam. It was pretty easy for me to see."

"I love him so much, Dad," Sam told him, relieved that she could talk to someone about her feelings. "I felt like I was dying when I thought I was going to lose him."

"Does he know how you feel?"

"No. There was no point in telling him. He loves his wife so much. All telling him would have done was make him uncomfortable."

"What about now?"

"I don't know. I can't think about that right now. If Daniel isn't completely okay, he's going to need me to be his friend. I have to put that first. Everything else comes second."

"What he's going to need, Sam, is love, regardless of his physical condition."

Tears shimmered in Sam's eyes. "I know."

* * *

><p>Jack managed to stay away from the infirmary for all of three hours. Two of those hours had been spent catching up on some much needed sleep. Jack knew that he needed a whole lot more, but thoughts of his friend wouldn't allow him to rest fully. He would sleep when he knew that Daniel was really okay. He had to believe that the archeologist was going to be all right. Thinking anything else was too hard to take.<p>

Jack scanned Daniel's face, pleased to see that the color had returned to it. He no longer looked like the living dead. Even better was the fact that the life support system was gone. Daniel was breathing completely on his own. He could have been removed from the ICU, but Janet had decided to leave him there because it was quieter.

"You really gave us a scare, Danny," Jack murmured. "You're not allowed to _ever_ do that again. You hear me?" He gave a snort. "Yeah, right. Listen to me ordering you around. Like that ever worked before."

"I don't _always_ disobey your orders."

The raspy whisper nearly made Jack levitate out of the chair. He jumped to his feet, heart thundering in his chest, as Daniel's eyes slowly open.

"Daniel?" Jack queried hesitantly.

"Jack."

"You're. . . . Everything's okay in there?"

"In where?"

"In your head."

"I think so. Why wouldn't it be?" Daniel suddenly became aware that he was lying in an infirmary bed. "What happened to me?"

"You don't remember?"

"No. If I did, I wouldn't be asking."

"Um . . . yeah. Just . . . just wait right there. I need to get the doc."

Jack dashed out of the room and went in search of Janet. It took just a few seconds to find her.

"Daniel's awake! He just suddenly woke up and started talking."

Shooting a command to a nurse to contact Sam and Teal'c, Janet hurried with Jack to Daniel's room. She was thrilled by the sight of the archeologist's eyes open and looking at her.

"Daniel," she said with a smile, briefly glancing at the readings on the life signs monitor. "I can't tell you how good it is to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Um, fine, except for a bit of a sore throat. Was I injured?"

Janet's smile turned to a frown. "You can't recall what happened?"

Daniel shook his head. "The last thing I remember is having pancakes and eggs in the commissary with Sam and Jack."

"That was Tuesday morning," Jack said.

"What day is today?"

"Thursday."

"I lost two days?"

"You almost lost a lot more than that, Daniel," Janet told him gently.

"Why can't I remember?"

The other two people in the room shared a glance.

"We'll explain everything later, Daniel," Janet answered. "Right now—"

The doctor's sentence was interrupted by the extremely hasty entrance of Sam.

"Daniel!" she cried, going straight to him and taking his hand. The sight of his beautiful blue eyes gazing up at her was too much for her control, and she began to cry. Shocked by the tears, he stared at her, then at the others. Something really, really bad must have happened to him.

Teal'c came walking in. He smiled upon seeing Daniel looking at him with a clear gaze.

"Daniel Jackson. It is good to see that you are well."

Daniel gaped at the Jaffa. Teal'c was smiling, _really_ smiling, not the tiny upward turn of his lips that they very occasionally saw. Daniel began to wonder if he'd died again and gotten resurrected.

"Did I die?"

Everyone else instantly sobered and looked at each other. You could have heard a pin drop in the room.

"Not . . . exactly," Jack finally answered.

"Not exactly? What does _that_ mean?"

"It can wait, Daniel," Janet answered. "Right now, I want to run some tests on you, ask you a few questions." She turned to the others. "All of you out. This will take a while."

The members of SG-1 filed out of the room and went to the corridor outside the infirmary.

"He's okay," Sam murmured with immense relief.

"It sure looks that way," Jack said, feeling like grinning. The grin soon disappeared as he explained to Sam and Teal'c that Daniel couldn't remember a thing about what happened.

Sam's relief faded. "What are we going to tell him?"

"The truth. We have no other choice. He needs to know."

Sam stared at her C.O. "All of it?"

Jack didn't reply, his gaze falling away from Sam's.

A few minutes later, Jacob appeared around the corner.

"I just heard that Daniel woke up," he said as he joined them.

Sam nodded. "Janet's in with him now, conducting some tests."

"Does he seem to be all right?"

"As far as well could tell."

Just then, Janet appeared.

"Well?" Jack inquired.

"I ran him through a series of questions and had him do some simple math and spelling problems, all of which he answered without any difficulty. He seems to be perfectly all right, except for the memory loss, which really isn't unusual. It's common for someone who has suffered a severe trauma to have no memory of the day it happened."

Jacob frowned. "He doesn't remember what happened?"

"No," Jack replied, "which means that we're going to have to tell him."

"Damn. That's going to be rough."

"Yeah." Jack turned to Janet. "Can we see him now?"

She nodded. "He going to ask again what happened, but I'd recommend not telling him everything yet. I'm going to want him to stay on base tonight, but he can go home tomorrow, and I think it would be best if he was told the whole thing in the privacy of his home."

As Janet left, Daniel's teammates turned toward the infirmary, wondering how they were going to tell their friend what happened on Abydos.

* * *

><p>As revealed in this chapter, Teal'c did not get to the tent in time as he did in Forever in a Day. The reason for this is that the attack by the Jaffa army came much sooner than it did in the episode, so Teal'c was busy fighting them with the others. A later chapter will explain that Daniel managed to kill both serpent guards protecting Amaunet rather than Teal'c killing one. And then, of course, is one of the biggest changes of all, namely, that Sha're did not succeed in contacting Daniel through the ribbon device.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

As Jacob and the three members of SG-1 entered the ICU, they saw that Daniel was sitting up in bed and that all the equipment and IVs had been disconnected from him.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?" he asked. "Oh, wait. Now I think I understand. Did you use a healing device on me? That would explain why I'm in the infirmary ICU yet seem to be perfectly all right."

The Tok'ra smiled. "Guilty as charged. I'll let your teammates explain everything. I just wanted to pop my head in and tell you that I'm glad you're all right." Jacob gave Sam a little hug. "I'll talk to you later."

After Jacob had left, Daniel turned his attention to the other three people. "Okay, is anybody going to tell me what happened? I asked Janet, but she said that you'd explain."

"We were on a mission, and you were badly injured, a head injury," Sam replied, managing to meet his eyes and not show how on edge she was.

Daniel frowned. "I don't recall a mission being scheduled for Tuesday."

"It was a sudden, emergency situation," Jack told him.

"Well, the fact that you needed to call the Tok'ra and get one of them to come heal me tells me that I must have been in really bad shape."

"Yes, it was bad," Jack admitted. "You are damn lucky to be alive. You'd probably be dead now if it wasn't for Jacob."

Daniel fell silent. So he'd just about shaken hands with the Grim Reaper again. That was really no surprise, not with his track record.

"So when can I get out of here?" he asked. "If Jacob healed me, there's no reason for me to stay."

Relieved that the archeologist wasn't pressing for details, Jack said, "No, but you know the doc. She'll probably insist on poking and prodding you for the next three hours to make absolutely certain that you really are one hundred percent."

"Actually, Colonel, all I'm planning on doing is another CT scan," said a voice from the doorway. Everyone turned to Janet, who came up to them. "If it comes out clear, Daniel is free to go." She pointed her finger at the three people standing beside the bed. "As for the rest of you, you are to go to your quarters and get some sleep or, in your case, Teal'c, some time in Kel'ro'reem." As Jack and Sam opened their mouths, the finger shot straight up into the air. "Ah! No arguing. That is my order as your physician. If I have to, I'll get the general to back me up."

Grumbling under his breath, Jack turned back to Daniel. "I guess we'll be seeing you later. Try not to get into any more trouble, all right?"

"I'll try, but I make no promises."

Shaking his head, Jack left the room. Teal'c bid Daniel goodbye and left as well. Daniel turned to the remaining member of his team. She was staring at him intently.

"It is so good to have you back," she murmured.

"Have me back?"

Sam smiled and nodded. She then took Daniel totally by surprise with a sudden, tight hug. After a second of hesitation, he hugged her back. She then told him that she'd see him later and left the ICU.

Daniel's gaze went to the final person in the room. "How bad was it really, Janet?"

"You suffered severe brain damage, Daniel. You were in a deep coma. Your EEG was nearly flat, only minimal activity. The only thing keeping you alive was a life support system. The endotracheal tube is the reason for your sore throat."

Daniel's gaze drifted away from Janet. He had nearly been brain dead. That was more than a little disturbing.

"We all thought that we had lost you, Daniel. There was no hope that you could heal on your own. Your body was weakening, and I knew that you didn't have much time left. Your teammates. . . . It was very hard for them."

Daniel stared at the bedcovers, now understanding why his team had acted as they did.

"Come on," Janet said. "Let's get that scan done so you can get out of here."

The scan came out normal, and Daniel was released from the infirmary with orders to get something to eat and not leave the base.

As he walked down the base corridors, Daniel noticed several people staring at him, some with odd expressions on their faces. Puzzled by the looks, he got a sandwich, apple and coffee from the commissary, then went to his office, where he got to work finishing a translation he'd started on Monday. His thoughts, however, kept drifting away from the translation and onto something else. After an hour, he gave into his curiosity and brought up the directory of files on the base computer, going to the folder that held the copies of the mission reports, which were sorted by SG teams. Scanning down the list, he found the one holding the reports for SG-1's missions.

As Daniel placed the mouse cursor over it, he hesitated, thinking that it might be better to get the whole story about the mission from his teammates. He would most likely see them later today and could ask them then.

Decision made, Daniel got back to work, pushing thoughts of the hole in his memory out of his mind.

* * *

><p>It was well into the evening when Sam awoke. She smiled with the joy of knowing that Daniel was all right. That joy quickly dimmed at the thought of what they would eventually have to tell him.<p>

Forcefully shoving that thought aside, she got up and took a quick shower. As she dried her hair, her stomach quite loudly reminded her that she hadn't eaten anything all day. Maybe Daniel could join her for dinner.

When Sam got to the archeologist's office, she found that it was empty. Then she saw a big note propped up on the desk with her name on it. She recognized her commanding officer's handwriting.

_"We're in the commissary. Come join us."_

Sam did just that. As she entered the commissary and saw her three teammates sitting at one of the tables, her eyes went to Daniel and stayed there. It felt so good to see him like that, so alive and healthy. And that's what was important, that Daniel was alive and well. Everything else they could get through, no matter how painful.

Sam got her dinner, then walked over to the table and took the seat beside Daniel.

"We were beginning to wonder if you'd wake up in time to join us," Jack said as he lifted a bite of food to his lips.

"I wanted to wait for you," Daniel told her, "but Jack's stomach demanded otherwise."

"Hey. I hadn't eaten all day," Jack responded.

"It's okay, Daniel," Sam assured her friend. She then dug into her food.

Daniel took another bite of his dinner. "Where's your dad? Did he go back to the Tok'ra base? I wanted to thank him for saving my life."

"Yes, he needed to get back. You can thank him the next time we see him."

Daniel nodded. He looked about at his teammates. "So, about that mission. You said that it was an emergency situation."

Knowing that they couldn't put off telling him something any longer, Jack paused, then said, "Yeah. Putting it all in a nutshell, we were called out on a rescue mission, and you ended up tangling with a Goa'uld. The Goa'uld got you with one of those ribbon device things, and by the time we reached you, you were almost dead."

"Oh." Daniel grimaced. He knew what a ribbon device could do to a person's brain. Teal'c had once explained the whole thing in graphic detail. It made him shudder to think about it. Perhaps not remembering what happened was a blessing. His memories of the other two times he was ribboned were definitely not pleasant ones.

"So, I understand that you're under orders to stay on base," Jack said.

Daniel nodded. "I don't know why. I'm completely healed."

"She's just being cautious, Daniel," Sam responded. "It was a really close one."

"Yeah, this is as close as you've come to dying without actually dying," Jack said.

Afraid that Daniel would ask for the identity of the Goa'uld who nearly killed him, the colonel decided that a change of subject would be smart and started talking about an amusing mishap that SG-13 had on their last mission.

After finishing their meal, Jack and Teal'c both bid Daniel good night. Sam, however, was not yet ready to leave his company and accompanied him back to his office. She took a seat beside his desk as he settled behind it. Her mind was seeking something to talk about when Daniel spoke.

"Janet told me how bad it was."

Sam's gaze dropped to the desk. "It was hard, Daniel, knowing that you were going to die if the Tok'ra didn't get here in time. I considered trying to heal you with the hand device we have, but Janet and I were afraid that I wouldn't have the skill to fix brain damage and might actually make it worse."

"It's all right, Sam." He rested his hand upon hers. "I'm okay now. I'm alive and healed."

The gentle touch and soft voice made Sam's love for Daniel swell like a tide in her chest. She lifted her eyes and gazed into his earnestly.

"You know that I love you, don't you, that I will always be your friend and will be here for you?"

"Of course I do." He stared at her closely. "Sam, is something wrong?"

She shook her head and got to her feet.

"I'm just tired, and my emotions are still a little raw. I should go off to bed. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Oh. Um, okay. Good night, Sam."

Sam quickly left the room. She hurried around the corner, then stopped, resting her back against the wall. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

Back in control of her emotions, Sam pushed away from the wall and walked to the elevator. She rode it down to Level 25. A young female marine was approaching the elevator as Sam got off.

"Good evening, ma'am," the woman greeted.

"Good evening."

"I can only imagine how relieved you are that Doctor Jackson is all right."

"Yes, it is a big relief."

The sergeant paused a moment. "Um, he doesn't know yet, does he? Word was passed down from the general that we were not to say anything to him about, well, you know."

Startled, Sam stared at her. "I didn't know the general had done that."

"Yes, ma'am. From what I understand, Colonel O'Neill went to him and explained that you planned to wait a bit to break the news to Doctor Jackson, so it would be a really bad thing if someone else said something to him about it."

Jack hadn't said a word to Sam about doing that, but she now realized that she should have thought of it herself. It would have been a disaster if some person there at the base talked to Daniel and revealed what happened.

"Anyway, I just wanted you to know that none of us will say a word about it until you've broken the news to him," the sergeant said.

"Thank you."

Sam continued to her quarters. Once inside, she sat down on the bed. There in the privacy of her room, the tears came. She wished that she could stop time and make tomorrow not come, that they could live forever in today, a day with Daniel alive, well, and ignorant of the whole truth of how he almost died . . . and why he survived.

But that was a power she did not possess. Tomorrow would come, and with would come the moment when they told Daniel what happened on Abydos. She did not want to think about what would happen afterwards.

* * *

><p>Jack stared down into the contents of the glass in his hand. Normally, he had a beer or two before going off to bed, but he'd felt in need of something stronger this time.<p>

How could someone be happy and sad all at the same time? He wouldn't have thought it was possible, yet that's how he felt right now. The happiness was because Daniel was alive and well. He hadn't lost his best friend today. The sorrow was because of what they would have to tell that friend tomorrow.

Jack took the last swallow of alcohol and carried the glass into the kitchen. He then headed to the bathroom, stripped off his clothes, and turned on the shower. Instead of washing, though, he simply stood under the hot spray, hands braced against the wall.

The truth was that Daniel's grief was not the emotion Jack dreaded the most. It was another emotion, one that could be even more destructive than grief. Was there some way that they could tell Daniel only part of the story? Could they keep from him the thing that the mere thought of telling him made Jack's gut twist up in a knot? Probably not. Daniel would not let them leave such an important part out.

Jack got out of the shower and dressed for bed, but he did not get under the covers. He sat, unmoving, on the bed as the minutes ticked by, cursing the day Apophis came into their lives. It was a long time before he got into bed and a much longer time before sleep finally came.

* * *

><p>The pain spread through his brain, burning every neuron and cell.<p>

"My host cannot help you," said a cruel, taunting voice. And the pain got worse, consuming his mind and body until there was nothing in his existence except the pain and the terrible voice. . . .

A cry ripped from Daniel's throat as he sat bolt upright. Shaking, his chest heaving, he stared with wild eyes into the darkness of the room. As the realization came to him that it had been a dream, he sagged forward, resting his face in his shaking hands. Slowly, his body calmed.

Taking a deep breath, Daniel lifted his head and looked at the clock. Five a.m. Would it do any good for him to even try to get back to sleep? He'd be getting up in another hour anyway.

Deciding that there would be no point in laying back down. Daniel got up. By the light of the small night light in the bathroom he splashed cold water on his face. He returned to the other room and turned on the lamp beside the bed, squinting until his eyes grew accustomed to the light. Sitting on the bed, he stared across the room, thinking about the dream. Was the memory of the mission returning? There was no doubt that the pain he felt in that dream was the effects of a ribbon device. It was the kind of pain he'd never forget. And then there was the voice. It had definitely belonged to a Goa'uld, but which one? He'd have to find out.

"My host cannot help you," the Goa'uld had said. Had Daniel, out if desperation, tried to get through to the host? Maybe the Goa'uld never actually said that at all, and it was just a construction of his subconscious.

Needing something to calm him down, Daniel got one of his books and began to read. The problem was that his mind kept returning to the dream and to the blank spot in his memory.

At the time that he would normally be getting up, Daniel took his shower, shaved and got dressed. He went off to the commissary for breakfast. Normally, on the days that Sam stayed on base, she would get her breakfast at right around the same time as him, but there was no sign of her. Based upon things she'd said, he had believed that she was staying in her quarters last night, but perhaps she'd gone home after all.

After finishing his breakfast, Daniel went to his office. He'd been working for not quite half an hour when Sam came in.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey yourself. I didn't see you at breakfast. Did you go home last night?"

"Um, no. I overslept."

"Ah. Well, considering that you got so little sleep the previous two nights, that's not a surprise, even with that nap you took."

Sam nodded. The truth was that it had taken her hours to fall asleep, finally dozing off at somewhere around three a.m. She had been unable to stop thinking about what today would bring. She had tried to compose the words in her mind, but no matter how she worded it, it just felt inadequate.

The major's gaze went to the computer screen. She studied the photos of what looked like some kind of monolith. "What are you working on?"

"These are photos SG-12 took on their last mission. It appears that there was once a pretty sizable city near the Stargate, but it was destroyed, completely leveled. The only thing left was this one monolith. There's no damage to it at all, so I'm guessing that it was placed there after the city's destruction."

"Do you recognize the writing?"

"Well, that's the really interesting part. It looks to be a hybrid of Archaic Etruscan and Old Turkic, but the two cultures are centuries apart, and there are no linguistic or other known connections between the two."

"So what does that mean?"

"I think it can mean only one thing. That planet was seeded by the Goa'uld twice. Some of the Etruscan people were put there thousands of years ago, then, centuries later, people from eighth century Mongolia were brought to the planet. Over the years, the two cultures mixed, and a new written language was created using characters from each of the old ones. It'll probably take me quite a while to translate the writing, though I have managed to make a good start."

Sam smiled, once again filled with admiration over Daniel's intellect and abilities.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear you say all those things," she remarked.

Daniel's brow furrowed. "Uhhh . . . it is?"

"After Dad healed you, he told us that there was no guarantee that all your knowledge, memories and other things like that would be intact."

"Oh. Well, I'm fine. I seem to be thinking okay, and, as far as I can tell, I have no new gaps in my storehouse of knowledge, although, if I did, I guess I might not realize it." Daniel smiled. "Speaking of knowledge, I seem to recall that you wanted to borrow my book on Mayan astronomy. I brought it from home on Tuesday, but I apparently never got the chance to give it to you."

Daniel got to his feet and headed for one of the bookcases. He was halfway there when a memory blazed into his mind with blinding violence. He let out a choked cry and fell to his knees, clutching his head.

"Daniel!"

Sam dashed to him and went down on her knees beside him, grabbing hold of his shoulders. After a moment, he straightened up, taking a couple of deep breaths.

"I'm okay. I'm all right," he said.

"No you're not." Sam got to her feet and went to the phone. "I'm calling Janet."

"Sam, this isn't something physical."

She frowned and stared at him as he got to his feet. "What do you mean?"

Daniel leaned rather heavily against the desk. "It's a memory. I'm remembering getting ribboned."

Sam gasped. "You're remembering?"

"Mostly just the pain of getting ribboned. The problem is that it hits me so hard that it's like it's really happening."

Sam shook her head. "I don't like this, Daniel. I'm taking you to the infirmary so that she can check you out."

Daniel wanted to object but knew that Sam would have none of it.

Janet also didn't like what she was hearing and insisted on doing another CT scan. While that was being done, Sam called Jack and Teal'c to let them know what happened. The two men arrived a couple of minutes later.

The three teammates found a place to wait for news of their friend. None of them spoke, their thoughts occupied with worry. It seemed like a very long time before Janet came to them.

"So? What is it?" Jack asked. "Is he all right?"

"Yes, he's fine, physically. What Daniel experienced was an extremely vivid recall of being ribboned, so vivid that it felt as if it was actually happening again, just like someone experiencing a flashback of a traumatic event will think that it's real. He's all right now, but I chose to give him a mild sedative in the hope that it will prevent another occurrence. He admitted to me that he had a nightmare about the ribboning early this morning."

Jack did not like was he was hearing at all. "Doc, are you saying that he's remembering what happened?"

Janet shook her head. "At this point, all that's coming back to him is the ribboning, nothing else, not even the identity of the Goa'uld who did it."

Sam was relieved that Daniel was physically okay, but she worried about what all this would mean. "So what now? What can you do for him?"

"I'm afraid that there really isn't any way to treat this medically. This is a psychological issue."

Jack frowned. "Are you saying that Daniel needs a shrink?"

"No, Colonel. What he needs is to know what happened. I think that his mind is struggling to unearth the entire memory, and this is the result. As long as we keep him in the dark, there is the danger that this could happen again. Worse, he could start reliving intense flashbacks of the entire incident. It'll be a few hours before the effects of the sedative wear off. After that, I want you to take him home and tell him everything."

Daniel's teammates looked at each other, wondering if everyone's reluctance to tell Daniel the truth had made the situation worse.

"Can we see him?" Sam asked Janet.

"Of course."

Daniel had been placed in the main ward, in his usual bed near the far wall.

"Hey there," Sam said, forcing a smile to her lips. "You just can't seem to stay out of this place, can you."

"I guess not," Daniel replied, his eyes looking a bit heavy-lidded.

"Well, you rest up here for a while, then the three of us will escort you home." Jack said.

"Can't I go home now? I'd rather sleep in my own bed."

"I'm thinking that you'd probably be doing some of your sleeping in the car if we took you now."

"I am pretty sleepy," the archeologist admitted, his eyelids drooping even more. Less than half a minute later, he was fast asleep.

"I suspect that what Fraiser gave him was a bit more than just a _mild_ sedative," Jack remarked.

The three teammates left the infirmary and went to Sam's lab.

"That really scared me," the major admitted. "For a terrible, crazy moment, I thought that the brain damage was coming back." Her gaze went to Jack. "I spent over half the night trying to figure out how we were going to tell him what happened."

"Yeah, me too."

"They will not be easy words to speak," Teal'c said.

"No, but they have to be said. That's even more apparent now."

Daniel slept for almost four hours. He awoke feeling fine, though he was worried that another incident would occur.

Figuring that Janet would want to know that he was awake, he attracted the attention of a nurse, who went off to get her. She arrived a short while later.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Fine. At least I didn't have another nightmare."

"That's good. I contacted your teammates, so they should be here in a few minutes."

It was five minutes after that when the three people arrived.

"You know, Daniel," Jack said, "as much time as you've spent in an unconscious state these past three days, you shouldn't need to sleep again for a week."

"Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, Jack. It would be nice if it did since I'm really getting behind in my work and could use the extra time."

"Well, go on and get dressed. It's time to take you home."

"I feel fine now, Jack. I really need to get some work done."

"Ah ah. These are doctor's orders. The work can wait."

Teal'c drove Daniel's car, Jack and Sam traveling in their own. Daniel was the only one of them who was completely calm as they stepped into his apartment.

"Anybody want something to drink?" he asked as he headed to the kitchen. Jack was tempted to ask for a beer but decided against it. The thing would probably sour in his stomach.

Sam asked for a glass of water, needing it for her suddenly dry throat. Daniel handed it to her, taking a sip of his own.

Knowing that the time they'd all been dreading had arrived, Jack said, "Come take a seat, Daniel. There are some . . . things we need to tell you."

Daniel stared at him, trying to read the man's expression. Unable to do so, he turned to Sam, whose gaze was turned to the floor.

"Is this about the mission?" he asked as he sat on the couch.

The others took seats, Sam settling beside Daniel on the sofa.

"Yeah," Jack replied. "There are some things that Fraiser thought it best to hold off telling you."

"What things?"

Jack paused for a moment. "It all started with a call for help from Kasuf."

That surprised Daniel. "Kasuf?"

"Yeah. The Abydonians were in trouble. The message was pretty brief, but we were able to work out that there were Jaffa and maybe a Goa'uld involved, which turned out to be the case."

Jack went on to tell Daniel about going to Abydos and finding several Abydonians held captive, including Kasuf.

"It didn't take long to take care of the Jaffa who were guarding them," he said. "As we were freeing them, Kasuf rushed up to you and told you something. We didn't find out till later what it was."

"What did he tell me?"

"That Sha're's son had been taken."

Daniel gasped. "What? Is he all right? Where is he?"

"We don't know, Daniel," Sam replied. "We never found out, and I don't think you did either."

"We have to find him. If a Goa'uld has him, there's no telling what will happen to him."

"We'll find him, Daniel," Jack stated. "Don't you worry about that."

Pushing the concern for his wife's son aside, Daniel asked, "What happened next?"

Jack, Sam and Teal'c all exchanged a long look. The colonel was the one to reply.

"The, uh, Goa'uld who took Sha're's son was still there, and you . . . went after her."

"Her?" A terrible feeling began growing in the pit of Daniel's stomach. "It was Amaunet, wasn't it."

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. She must have found out that Heru'ur didn't have the kid, that we left him with the Abydonians, and she went to retrieve him."

Realization struck Daniel. "It was Amaunet who ribboned me." The dream he had now made sense. He had tried to get through to Sha're, probably told her to fight Amaunet's control, but it had done no good. He could only imagine what this must have done to Sha're, to watch helplessly as her body was used to hurt him.

Jack and Sam were now staring at the floor, and Teal'c looked as somber as Daniel had ever seen him.

"Go on," the archeologist told them.

Sam took over the recount of events. "At the same time as you were going after Amaunet we were attacked by a large force of Jaffa. We had our hands full fighting them, so we couldn't do anything to help you. You and Amaunet were in a tent not far from the battle. We don't know exactly what happened in there, only that she got you with the ribbon device."

Daniel frowned. "But what happened to Amaunet? Why did she leave before finishing me off? I know you didn't capture her. You'd have told me before now. Did she hear you coming and escape?" His questions were answered with silence. He looked one-by-one at the faces of his teammates and started getting scared. "What happened? What aren't you telling me? Where's Sha're?"

Jack sighed quietly. "I'm sorry, Daniel. There's just no easy way to tell you this. Sha're is dead."

The others watched as the blood drained from Daniel's face. "No. No, she can't be dead."

"Oh, Daniel, I am so sorry," Sam said, tears coming to her eyes. "I wish we could tell you something different."

Daniel suddenly thought of something, and he grabbed onto it like a life preserver. "A sarcophagus! Her Jaffa would take her body to a sarcophagus."

Hating that he was dashing Daniel's hopes, Jack said, "There were no Jaffa left to take her anywhere, Daniel. We killed them all."

As Daniel's last hope died, his friends watched him wilt before their eyes, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"How did she die?" he asked in a tone of heartbreak. "What hap—"

Daniel's voice cut off as a memory leapt into his mind, the memory of a single gunshot ringing out as blackness consumed his consciousness.

"Oh, God. Y-y-you killed her," he whispered raggedly. His voice rose to an outcry of pain and anger. "Why did you kill her? You could have wounded her! You could have taken her alive!"

Daniel launched himself to his feet and strode away across the living room. Jack rose and slowly approached him. When he attempted to touch his friend's shoulder, Daniel jerked away. The archeologist turned angry eyes to him, eyes filled with grief and betrayal.

"Why, Jack? Why? You know how much I loved her. I would have _died_ for her. It was you who killed her, wasn't it. Wasn't it!"

Jack closed his eyes, feeling sick, wanting more than just about anything in the world not to have to answer.

Slowly his eyes opened and met the accusing stare of his best friend. "No, Daniel. I didn't kill her." He paused, then spoke the fateful words. "You did."

* * *

><p>Some of you may recall that, in Forever in a Day, Daniel's gun fell from his grasp as he was being ribboned. In this version of the events, it did not. All other questions about the shooting will be answered in the next chapter.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Jack's words rang through Daniel's brain over and over again like a death knell. No. It couldn't be true. It _couldn't_ be! There had to be some mistake!

"No! That can't be true!" he cried aloud, shaking his head in denial and disbelief. "I remember hearing the shot as I was losing consciousness, so how could I possibly have been the one to shoot her?"

"There was no one else, Daniel," Jack told him. "I'm sorry."

Sam got to her feet and came up to the archeologist. "We don't know exactly what happened. We heard the shot right before we reached the tent. When we got there, you were unconscious, and Sha . . . Amaunet was dead. You apparently managed to keep hold of your sidearm throughout the ribboning. It was still in your hand when we found you." She looked at him earnestly. "We don't think you did it on purpose, Daniel. Janet thinks that it was a result of an involuntary muscle spasm. It was an accident."

Unable to escape the truth of what he'd done, Daniel felt the walls closing in on him. He killed Sha're. He killed the only woman he ever truly loved.

With a choked cry, he fled the room and stumbled into the bathroom. He crashed to his knees before the toilet, his stomach violently ejecting its contents. As the heaving ended, the tears returned, guilt rising to overwhelm him.

Daniel had no idea how long he'd been sitting there when Jack came in and knelt beside him.

"Daniel, I know what you're feeling. I went through it all when Charlie died. But I want you to listen to me. This was not your fault. She was killing you. Just a couple more seconds, and you would have been dead."

"Sha're wasn't killing me," Daniel said in a lifeless voice. "Amaunet was. Sha're would never have hurt me."

"I know, Daniel, but that doesn't change the fact that, if you hadn't pulled that trigger, you would have died. Do you think Sha're would have wanted that?"

Daniel did not reply, only turning his face away. "Just go away, Jack. Please. All of you just go."

Jack stared at Daniel for several more seconds. "All right, Daniel. We'll go, but just for now. I'm coming back tomorrow to check on you. And, just so you know, if you ignore my knock, I'll use my key."

Receiving no reply, Jack left the bathroom. As he approached Sam and Teal'c, the major was watching him anxiously.

"I tried reasoning with him, but he won't listen to me," Jack told them.

"Do you think I should try?" Sam asked.

Jack shook his head. "He's hurting too much right now. Nothing any of us say is going to do any good. We need to just let him be for a while."

"We can't just leave him alone."

"That's what he wants, Carter."

"But, sir!"

Jack caught her eyes. "Sam, I know how he feels. Trust me. After Charlie's death, I didn't want to be around anyone. One of us staying here will only make him more upset. We'll leave him alone for the rest of today, but I plan on coming over here tomorrow to check on him."

Sam really did not want to leave. She was worried sick about Daniel and wanted to stay to watch over him and give him what comfort she could. But, out of all of them, Jack was the one who would understand most what Daniel was feeling, and if he thought it was best for them to leave Daniel alone for now, she had to accept that.

Daniel heard the sound of his teammates leaving. Relieved that they were gone, he went to his bedroom and laid down. As he lay there, he thought about the fact that Sha're would never share this bed with him. All his hopes and dreams of saving her were gone – and he was the one who destroyed them.

Daniel wished that he had been the one to die, though not by Amaunet's hands. He would never have wanted Sha're to suffer the guilt of having a part in his death. He wished, instead, that he had died on some other mission. Then he wouldn't have gone back to Abydos, and Sha're would be alive. There would still be hope that, someday, she'd be freed from her captivity.

The hours crawled by as Daniel sank deeper into his guilt. It was all his fault. If he hadn't gone to that tent alone, he and his teammates could have gone together and captured Amaunet. But why go back only to Tuesday? His guilt went back much farther than that, to the day he foolishly reopened Abydos' Stargate, thereby allowing Apophis to come through.

So many mistakes, mistakes that cost the freedom, then the life of the woman he loved. He had been a stupid fool, not worthy of the love Sha're gave to him. She would have been better off if he'd gone back to Earth after the first mission.

The day slowly passed into night, then the night into early morning as the grief and crushing guilt kept him awake. He wished that he could fall asleep and never wake up, to drift forever in blissful ignorance.

Remembering something, Daniel got up and went to the bathroom. There in the medicine cabinet was a bottle of sleeping pills, prescribed for him by Janet when he was having trouble sleeping after the incident with Ma'chello's Goa'uld-killing slugs. He ended up taking them only a couple of times, so there were still plenty left.

Daniel picked up the bottle and looked at it. The directions said to take only one. He would need more than one.

A few minutes later, Daniel was back on the bed, not bothering with the covers. After a while, he felt the drug slowly take hold. Lethargy spread throughout his body and mind, making him feel like he was floating.

The last thing he saw before drifting away was the now empty bottle of sleeping pills sitting on his bedside table.

* * *

><p>Jack strode down the hallway. He wasn't expecting things to be any better with Daniel than they were yesterday, but he intended to do all he could to pull his friend out of the dark place the archeologist was no doubt residing.<p>

Throughout the long night Jack had tried to figure out what he should do. He had never been the kind of guy who always knew the right words to speak in situations like this. In fact, he'd be a lot more comfortable getting the person roaring drunk. It was Daniel who had the gift for words, not him. In fact, it was that very gift that saved Jack from his own guilt.

_"I don't wanna die. Your men don't wanna die. These people don't wanna die. It's a shame you're in such a hurry to."_

They were words that Jack would never forget, words that gave him the nudge he needed to pull himself out of his funk on that first mission to Abydos and fight to save not just his own life but the lives of his surviving team members and the Abydonians. Daniel had given him those words, and he now needed to find the words to save his friend from the same kind of guilt and grief.

Jack wasn't really surprised when he received no answer to his knock. As he had warned Daniel, he didn't let it stop him. The apartment was still and silent as he entered. A glance at the coffee pot revealed it to be empty, which meant that either Daniel hadn't gotten up yet or had not bothered fixing his favorite beverage. The former was more likely.

Jack made his way to the bedroom. He found Daniel lying on the bed, on top of the covers, wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday. That was definitely not a good sign.

As he took a step toward Daniel, wondering whether or not he should wake the man, Jack's eyes fell upon something else. It sat ominously on the table beside the bed, cap off . . . and empty.

_'No,'_ Jack's mind whispered, sick dread rising inside him. He dashed forward, questing fingers reaching for a pulse. He found one, slow and faint. He feared that it would stop at any moment.

Near-panic gripping him, Jack grabbed hold of Daniel's shoulders and began to shake.

"Daniel! Daniel, wake up!" When he got no response at all, he shook harder. "Damn you, Daniel. Don't you do this to us! Don't you cop out on us like this!"

A low moan from the archeologist made Jack's breath halt. "That's it. Come on, Danny. Come on, buddy."

Oh so slowly, Daniel's eyes opened, drug-hazed and unfocused.

"Jack?" he mumbled.

"Daniel, how many pills did you take?"

Daniel's eyes were at half-mast, and he appeared barely conscious. "Hmm?"

"How many sleeping pills?" When his friend's eyes began to slide back shut, Jack shook him again. "Tell me!"

"Two."

The answer made the colonel still in surprise. "Two?"

"Knew that one wouldn't be enough."

"But . . . but the bottle is empty."

"Spilled in the sink."

Relief so intense that it was almost painful made Jack feel weak in the knees. He stood up straight.

"Damn," he whispered, running a shaky hand over his face.

Feeling the need to sit down, Jack left the bedroom and all but fell into Daniel's recliner. He'd been there for perhaps a minute when Daniel, weaving like a drunk, staggered into the living room. He plopped down on the couch, looking like he was about to fall back asleep.

"You thought I took them all."

Jack sighed. "Yeah. Scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not your fault." He studied the younger man. "You should go back to bed. You're only half awake as it is."

"I'll just sit here for a while."

"Okay."

Daniel rested his head on the backrest. Jack watched him and waited. It didn't take long, maybe twenty seconds. Jack fetched a blanket and pillow for the sleeping archeologist and got him into a horizontal position. The colonel rested a hand on the younger man's short brown hair.

"You'll get through this, Daniel. We're all gonna make sure of that."

Jack went to the phone and called the base infirmary, asking for Janet.

"Hey, Doc. It's Jack. I'm here at Daniel's place. I found him totally out of it. He took a double dose of those sleeping pills you prescribed for him a while back, and I just wanted to make sure that I don't have to haul his ass in there to get his stomach pumped."

"Is his breathing all right?"

At the very moment that Jack opened his mouth to reply, Daniel began to snore softly. Smiling in amusement, the colonel said, "Appears to be."

"He should be all right, then, though it was very unwise for him to take a double dose of such a strong sedative. I'd feel better if you don't leave him alone."

"I'm not planning to."

Janet paused for a moment before asking, "How is he doing otherwise?"

"That I won't know until he rejoins the land of the conscious."

"Sam told me that he took the news very badly."

"Yeah, that's an understatement. It might not have been so bad if all we'd told him was that Sha're was dead. I think the guilt is hitting him a lot harder than the grief."

"That's understandable. I've been thinking that he might benefit from speaking with a professional about this."

Jack made an ugly sound. "You mean a psychologist? That quack MacKensie wouldn't know the right way to approach this any more than he'd know how to find a caring heart in that tomb of a chest cavity he's got."

"I wasn't talking about Doctor MacKensie, sir. There are other psychologists attached to the program, ones who specialize in grief counseling. Sadly, we've had to make use of them more than once here."

"I doubt that he'd be willing to talk to one, especially not after his last experience with a member of the psychiatric community."

Janet let out a sigh, knowing that the colonel was probably right. "I'm just concerned about him, sir."

"So am I. So are we all."

"I need to get back to a patient, Colonel. If anything changes for the worse in Daniel's condition, call me right away."

Jack hung up the phone and went into the kitchen to fix himself a cup of coffee, figuring that he'd be waiting for a while. As the coffee brewed, he called Sam and filled her in.

"I feel so awful," she said. "I wish I knew what to do to make him feel better."

"You and me both."

Sam hesitated a moment. "Sir, what about the funeral?"

Crap. He'd forgotten about that. It was in two days.

"I know that Daniel's going to want to be there," Sam said, "but, considering the circumstances of her death. . . ."

"Yeah." Jack remembered with crystal clarity how he felt at Charlie's funeral. The guilt got so bad that he'd had thoughts of putting a bullet in his brain right there at the service.

"Kasuf doesn't know it was Daniel who killed Sha're, does he?" Sam asked.

"No, and he's not going to. Daniel will probably think that he needs to tell him, but I'll dissuade him. The man lost his daughter. He doesn't need to know that it was his son-in-law who killed her."

"I agree. Are you going to be with Daniel for the whole day?"

"That all depends on him. He'll probably try to boot me out once he's fully cognizant."

"Please call me if you think I should come over."

"Will do."

The two said goodbye. Jack poured himself a cup of the freshly brewed coffee and returned to the living room. He turned on the TV, preparing to wait for Daniel's return to consciousness – and to the long and difficult road that lay ahead for his best friend.

* * *

><p>The hot Abydonian sun shone down upon all those present. Sam glanced about, recognizing the faces of some of the native people, having met them on her first mission to this planet. The major's eyes then went to the wrapped body that lay in the open grave before her. She remembered the first time she saw Sha're. She had been a little envious of the woman's stunning, exotic beauty and gorgeous figure. She had been <em>more<em> than a little envious that the woman had snagged a catch like Doctor Daniel Jackson.

Catherine had told Sam all about the extraordinarily brilliant young man who made everyone else look like idiots when, after a mere two weeks, he figured out something the rest of them had failed to do in two years, doing it without even knowing about the existence of the Stargate. From the papers he'd published Sam had learned even more. She had been so eager to meet him on that mission, knowing instinctively that she was going to like him. She could not have known then that she would come to feel so much more.

Sam's gaze at last came to rest on the subject of her thoughts. Daniel stood still and silent, eyes on the ground. He was dressed in the same sand-colored robes as the Abydonians, and she wondered if they might be the ones he was wearing when she first met him. He had spoken not a word the entire morning, not even to all the people who expressed their condolences at the SGC. His face was shuttered, emotionless. But his eyes. Sam had gotten a glimpse of them when everyone reached the burial site, and the look in them cut right through her. Those eyes were now hidden behind sunglasses, so she couldn't see the pain that she knew was still there.

Over the past two days, she and her other teammates had done what they could to make Daniel see that he was not to blame for Sha're's death, but he was having none of it. All the logical arguments in the world couldn't get through the guilt he was heaping upon himself. He hadn't set foot outside his apartment, not even to get the mail, and every time Sam stopped by to check on him, he barely spoke. She was terribly worried about him, wondering if he would ever find acceptance for what happened and move on.

Sam's thoughts were broken by the approach of Kasuf. He came up to where she, Jack, Teal'c, Janet and General Hammond stood.

"Thank you for honoring my daughter with your presence," he said.

"We wouldn't be anywhere else, Kasuf," Jack told him.

The leader of the Abydonians looked up at the position of the sun. "It is time." He turned around and went over to the head of the grave. He lifted his arms and face to the sky and began speaking a prayer in Abydonian. Once he was finished, Daniel removed his sunglasses, stepped forward, and knelt before a small stand upon which sat a pair of scales.

"I speak for Sha're who can no longer speak for herself," he said, his voice rock-steady. He then repeated the words in Abydonian, which he did from then on after every sentence. "I have spoken no lies nor acted with deceit. I was once possessed by a demon who did these things against my will. The demon is gone, and now I am without sin. Grant me a place in your blessed dwelling." He placed a white feather on one side of the scales. "If my heart weighs more than a feather my soul still contains sin. If not, may my soul join the god."

Kasuf and the other Abydonians all raised their hands heavenward. Daniel got to his feet, his eyes not leaving the scales, which remained balanced.

"By the trial of the Great Scales, thy heart is light," he said. "Thy soul has been found true."

Sam, Jack, Teal'c, Hammond and Janet took a step back, then bent over and grasped the end of a large piece of cloth upon which was a thick layer of sand. Five Abydonians took hold of a matching one on the other side of the grave. They pulled the pieces of cloth up, and the sand began pouring into the grave, covering Sha're's body. Soon it was completely hidden from view.

Once the last of the sand was gone, Sam looked up from the grave and saw Daniel turn around and walk away, disappearing from view behind a tent.

Kasuf came back over, his gaze briefly going off in the direction Daniel had taken.

"My good son's heart lays heavy in his breast," he said in a sorrow-filled voice. "He loved my daughter well."

"Yes, he did," Jack responded.

The bearded man focused his gaze intently upon the colonel. "You are his good friend. You must give him strength when he is weak."

"We all will, Kasuf. I promise."

Sha're's father nodded solemnly, then walked away.

"I feel so sorry for him," Janet said. "He's lost both of his children, though I suppose there's still some hope that Skaara will be freed."

"Kasuf is a strong man," Jack said. "He has to be. And we will find Skaara. We couldn't save Sha're, but we are damn well going to save him."

Sam really wasn't paying all that much attention to the conversation. She was too busy thinking about Daniel.

"I'm going to go find Daniel," she said.

"You should just leave him be, Carter," her C.O. said.

Sam shook her head. "Not this time, sir."

Not waiting for Jack to say anything else, Sam went off in search of the archeologist. She found his trail in the sand and followed it, soon realizing where he was going.

As soon as the astrophysicist stepped into the massive chamber, she felt the temperature drop dramatically. As her eyes grew accustomed to the low light, she began looking around, thinking about the other time she was there. She remembered every word of the conversation she had with Daniel, the thrill she felt when she discovered that he really was as smart as Catherine said, the even greater thrill of realizing that the Stargate went to far more places than just Abydos. So many things had changed since that day.

Sam looked over at Daniel, who was standing before one of the cartouches, gazing up at it. She quietly joined him.

"I was so excited when I found this place," he said. "All I could think about was all the wonders that must be out there in the galaxy, all the fascinating civilizations. I couldn't wait to see it all. The Abydonians were worried when I said that I wanted to unbury the gate. I told them that there was nothing to worry about. Ra was dead. There was nothing else to fear." His gaze fell. "I was so stupid. That stupidity cost Sha're her life."

"Daniel, you couldn't have known that Ra wasn't the only one. The writing you found said that he was the last of his kind. You had every reason to believe that opening the gate would be perfectly safe."

Daniel shook his head. "I still shouldn't have done it. What was I thinking I was going to do, go merrily traipsing through the Stargate to alien worlds with no idea what was on the other side? That would have gotten me killed really fast, even if there were no Goa'uld out there. And I shouldn't have wanted to go in the first place. I had a beautiful, wonderful woman who loved me and a life with people who respected me. I should have been content with that."

Sam decided to try a different tactic. "All right, then why weren't you?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do, Daniel."

The archeologist sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "It was the knowledge, the . . . the thrill of discovery. All my life, I've had this . . . this need to know, to learn. When I was on digs with my parents, I used to pester everyone for every scrap of knowledge they possessed, especially about archeology, history and languages. I couldn't get enough. When I discovered this place and realized what the cartouches were, all I could think about was all the knowledge that was out there, waiting to be found."

Sam nodded. "Because that's the kind of person you are, Daniel. You couldn't help but feel that way. If it had been me in your place, I'd have felt the same way."

Daniel's head shook. "You'd have had more sense than to seriously consider going through a Stargate without any idea of what was on the other side."

"I'm not so sure of that, Daniel. Yes, I would have been aware of the danger, but, in the end, the lure of discovery would have overwhelmed that. Ernest Littlefield was a learned scientist, yet he stepped through the Stargate with no clue at all about what might lay on the other side. A great many smart people have chosen to venture into the unknown. That is a part of who we are as human beings."

Sam stepped around in front of Daniel. "Daniel, wanting to go out there and explore the galaxy was not a betrayal of your love for Sha're. You could not deny something that is a fundamental part of your nature. And I'm betting that she understood that."

Daniel walked away, his arms wrapping around his body in his signature self-hug. "If I could have her back, I'd stay with her here on Abydos for the rest of my life." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Because of me, that will never happen."

"Daniel, please stop torturing yourself," Sam pleaded. "Do you think Sha're would want that? It would tear her apart to see you doing this to yourself. You said that you would have died for her. I know that she would have done the same for you. I know that, in her place, I would far rather be dead than live with your death."

Sam took a step forward. "And I want you to think about something else as well. If she hadn't died and we hadn't captured her, how many more years would have passed before we freed her? What if we never freed her? She would have had to live through the hell of being a host year after year, century after century. I know how she'd have felt, Daniel. Believe me. When Jolinar took me as her host, before I realized that she was not like the other Goa'uld, I wanted to die. The thought of my body being enslaved by one of those creatures forever was so horrifying that, if I could have spoken with my own voice, I'd have begged Colonel O'Neill to put a bullet through my heart."

Daniel's eyes clamped tightly shut, his heart torn by what Sam was saying. She drew even closer to him.

"I know, Daniel," she said, almost crying, "I _know_ that, in that last moment before she died, Sha're thanked you for freeing her. I know that she didn't blame you, that all she felt was gratitude and relief that you stopped her from living through the worst hell of all: watching the man she loved die before her eyes."

Daniel's breath caught on a half-sob. Hearing that sound, Sam closed the final distance between them and gathered him into her arms. She held on as he cried, her own tears falling unnoticed down her cheeks.

It was a long time before Daniel quieted. He pulled away from Sam, wiping his face, embarrassed about losing control like that. She knew instantly what he was thinking.

"Daniel, please don't be embarrassed. Whenever I needed a friend, you were there for me, and now I am here for you."

Daniel nodded slightly, a weak smile of gratitude on his lips. His gaze returned to the Stargate addresses whose discovery ultimately led to his wife's death.

"I wanted to save her so badly."

"I know you did, Daniel. I wanted that for you, too." And she had. As much as she had fantasized about having him for her own, she would have gladly sacrificed those dreams in exchange for giving him back the woman he adored and seeing him happy.

Sam gave Daniel's arm a gentle rub. "Do you want to stay here for a while longer?"

He nodded. "I just need to. . . ."

Sam smiled in understanding. "Yes, I know." In his shoes, she'd feel the need to compose herself, too. "I'll go on back to the others."

"Okay."

Daniel watched Sam leave. He was grateful for the things she'd said. He knew that she was right. Sha're would far rather be dead than remain a host forever, and she would far rather have died than see him die instead. Yet, even knowing that, Daniel could not escape the guilt of being the one who killed her. But would it have been better if it had been one of his teammates? If they had arrived just a little sooner and seen what was happening, one of them might very well have shot Sha're and not taken the time to aim where it would not be fatal. What would he have felt then? He remembered what he felt when he thought that it was Jack who pulled the trigger. Would hating one of his teammates be better than hating himself?

Wiping the last trace of wetness from his face, Daniel took one final look around the chamber, knowing that he would never see it again. He could never return to this world that gave birth to his beloved Sha're, for he could not continue to look upon the faces of her father and the other people who loved her, knowing that they'd never see her again because of him.

* * *

><p>Daniel walked purposely down the base corridor. It had been two days since the funeral, and this was the first time he'd been here since then. He would really rather not be here today either. Just about everywhere he turned people were looking at him with sympathetic eyes, and he'd only been here for a few minutes. His teammates didn't even know he was here, although that would change very soon.<p>

Reaching his destination, he glanced inside.

"General Hammond?"

The man looked up from some papers. "Doctor Jackson. I didn't know you were here."

"I just got here a few minutes ago."

Hammond gazed at him with compassion in his light blue eyes. "How are you doing, Son?"

"I've, um . . . been better, sir." Daniel stepped into the room. He looked down at the folder in his hand, then pulled from it a white envelope, which he handed to the general. "I'm tendering my resignation, General."

Startled and appalled, Hammond stared at him. "Daniel, I know that this has been hard on you, as it would be on anyone in your position, but I must ask you to reconsider. Don't let your wife's death destroy what you have found here."

"General, I joined this program for one reason, and that was to find my wife. Well, I found her, and I killed her. There's no more reason to stay."

Alarmed by Daniel's second sentence and the emotionless tone of voice in which it had been spoken, Hammond leaned forward.

"Please take a seat, Doctor Jackson."

"Sir, I'd really like to get started packing up my office."

Hammond's voice firmed. "Doctor Jackson, until this resignation has been processed, you are still under my command, so I would appreciate it if you would do what I say."

Feeling like a kid who had just been chastised, Daniel obediently sat down. The general studied him.

"Doctor Jackson . . . Daniel, trust me when I say that I know what guilt feels like. As a commander in the military I have sent a lot of good people to their deaths. Sometimes, those deaths happened because of an error in judgment on my part. I carry those deaths on my conscience every day of my life. Guilt like that can eat you alive, if you let it. But that does neither you nor anyone else any good. We all make mistakes. We all do things without first thinking them through. The trick is to use those mistakes to make us stronger and wiser. Your wife is gone, and you have to learn to live with that and how it happened. Doing any less would be unfair not just to you but also to her memory. She would want you to move on."

Daniel stared at the desktop, not replying for several seconds. "I know she would, General, but I can't move on in this place." He lifted his gaze to the man. "It no longer has any meaning for me."

Hammond sighed, disappointed by the response but not really surprised.

"All right, Daniel. I do understand. I will start processing your resignation today. Have you told your teammates yet?"

"No, sir. I wanted to give you the letter before I said anything to them. I was afraid that Jack would rip it up if I told him first."

The general smiled a little sadly. "Do you want me to tell them?"

Daniel visibly relaxed. "Would you, sir? I've been kind of dreading it."

"Of course."

The archeologist got to his feet. Before turning away he met the general's gaze once more. "I want to thank you for everything, sir. Before I became involved in all of this, I never imagined a time when I would be under the command of someone in the military, and I want you to know that you made it a better experience than I think anyone else ever could have."

Deeply touched by the younger man's words, General Hammond said, "Thank you. I am honored that you would feel that way. There's something I want you to know as well, Daniel. I have had a lot of fine people under my command over the years, people I greatly admired and respected, yet there is not one of them that I felt more admiration and respect for than you."

Shocked and touched beyond words, Daniel didn't know what to say.

Hammond got to his feet and held his hand out to Daniel, who took it in a firm grasp. "Goodbye, Doctor Jackson. Please know that, if there is ever a time when you feel like you can come back to us, you will be welcomed with open arms."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Daniel hadn't been packing for very long when Jack came in. He looked around at the partly filled boxes.

"Aren't wasting any time, are you."

Daniel ignored the edge in the colonel's voice. "I want to get it all done today."

"So you can go home and sit around, doing nothing?"

Daniel tried to remain patient. "I know you're angry that I'm doing this."

"Angry? No, I'm not angry. What I am is disappointed. You are not a quitter, Daniel. You are a fighter. In fact, you are one of the most stubborn, irritatingly persistent people I have ever met. Yet here you are, giving up without a fight."

Daniel turned his gaze to the grey-haired man. "And what is there to fight for, Jack? All this time, I was fighting for Sha're. I was out there, going through all that in the hope that, someday, I'd walk through the Stargate, find my wife, and save her. Every time I set foot through it I was thinking about her and carrying that hope inside me. Now, every time I went through, it would just be some . . . place where that hope used to be." He turned away, his voice now trembling. "That's why I can't do it anymore. I hope you can understand that."

"And what about the fight against the Goa'uld, Daniel? They're the ones who are really to blame for what happened to Sha're. They're still out there, _Apophis_ is still out there. You're just going to turn your back on helping us do something about that?"

"My presence wouldn't make that much of a difference in that regard."

"Bullshit."

The angry word made Daniel turn back to Jack. The man pointed a finger at him.

"If you're determined to leave this place, then I can't stop you, but you get one thing straight. Your contribution to what we do here is not insignificant. Your knowledge and the things you can do are not of little value. I'm not going to list off all the ways and all the times that you have made a difference, because I shouldn't have to. It would also take too damn long." He poked his finger into Daniel's chest. "So you go ahead and leave, Daniel, but, when you do, have no illusions that it isn't going to make a difference around here, because it is."

With those words, Jack turned and left. With a sigh Daniel sat in a chair. He was still there when Sam came in. The distress on her face deepened when she saw the boxes.

"Please don't say it, Sam," he said. "I know you're upset and think I'm making a mistake. Jack just finished balling me out."

The major took a seat. "I do understand why you think you have to do this, Daniel. I just can't help but feel that you're acting rashly and letting your emotions control you. You could take a leave of absence, spend some time away from here. I know that General Hammond would give you as much time as you needed."

"Sam, no amount of time in the world is going to change the fact that the reason I joined the program is no longer something that's possible."

Sam closed her eyes for a brief moment. "I know, Daniel. But you could find other reasons to stay. What about Skaara? He's still out there."

"Jack will keep doing all he can to find and free him."

"All right, then what about Sha're's son? Don't you think that she'd want us to find him?"

Daniel stood and turned away, reminded of yet another way he'd failed his wife. He had promised himself that he would make sure the boy remained safe until he could be reunited with his mother. Now, not only would there be no reunion, the child he delivered with his own hands was out there somewhere, probably in the hands of some Goa'uld.

"I wouldn't even begin to know where to look, Sam. You guys have just as much of a chance of finding him without me than if I was to stay."

"I don't think that's true, Daniel."

He turned back to her. "Please, Sam. I've made up my mind. I just can't stay here anymore. Please try to understand."

Sam stared at him. She didn't want to accept this. She didn't want to stand aside and let it happen. But there really wasn't anything she could do about it. Daniel was determined to leave, and she had to live with that.

The astrophysicist got to her feet, stepped up to Daniel, and wrapped her arms around him. She held in the tears, knowing that they would only make Daniel feel worse.

As she stepped back, she looked into Daniel's eyes. "We are going to miss you so much around here." Feeling the tears she was determined not to shed coming closer to the surface, she tried to lighten things up. "Who am I going to have a midnight cup of coffee with now? No one else here appreciates how much work you can accomplish by ignoring that the human body needs sleep."

Daniel almost smiled at Sam's words. "I'm sure you'll find another hopeless workaholic around here somewhere."

Sam lost all pretense of levity. "But they won't be you."

Daniel dropped his gaze from hers, saying nothing.

"What are you going to do now, as far as a job goes, I mean?" Sam asked after a moment.

"I haven't figured that out yet. Actually, I haven't really spent much time thinking about it. I've got some money saved up, so I'll be fine for a while." He looked over at the boxes. "I, uh, need to get back to packing."

"Do you want some help?"

"Thanks, but I think I'd rather do it myself."

"All right." Blinking away tears, Sam then said, "You'll come say goodbye before you leave?"

"Yeah."

After Sam had gone, Daniel resumed packing. He filled all the boxes he'd brought, then went in search of more. He was heading for the elevator when he came upon Teal'c.

"Daniel Jackson. I have been told that you have resigned from your position here."

"Yes. I just feel that I can't stay here anymore. Can you understand that?"

"Yes, though it saddens me that you will no longer be traveling with us through the Stargate. You have become a valued warrior in the fight against the Goa'uld, and I believe that our efforts to defeat them will be made more difficult with the loss of your knowledge and skills."

"Thank you, Teal'c. Though I definitely don't think of myself as a warrior, I appreciate that you feel that way."

The Jaffa looked straight into Daniel's eyes. "You are also my friend, and, as your friend, I must say that your guilt over the death of your wife is not something she would have wanted. If she could speak now, I have no doubt that she would tell you to forgive yourself. She would also ask you to remain and continue seeking to free all the humans who are enslaved to the Goa'uld, just as you helped free her and her people from Ra. In that way, you would truly honor her memory."

Daniel's gaze had dropped to the floor. "I know that she would want me to stay here, Teal'c, but I just can't. It hurts too much. Maybe there will come a day when it won't."

"Then I will hope that day comes soon, Daniel Jackson."

* * *

><p>Daniel looked about at the boxes piled all over the place. He really shouldn't have taken as much as he did. He had no clue where he was going to put it all.<p>

Sam, Jack and Teal'c had insisted upon helping him bring all the stuff home. They'd even borrowed one of the SGC's trucks to haul it all, along with a couple of base personnel. Daniel had to wonder what his neighbors thought when they saw guys dressed in BDUs carrying boxes up to his apartment.

After the others had left, taking the truck with them, Daniel's ex-teammates hung around for a few minutes, clearly not quite ready to part company with him. Jack insisted that they all get together for dinner next weekend. Though the archeologist really didn't think he'd feel like it, he agreed.

Daniel got one of the boxes and started the job of sorting through everything. He was still at it when it came time for dinner. He ate while continuing to work. The food stuck in his throat when he came to one box in particular.

Before leaving Abydos, Daniel was stopped by Kasuf and given several things that had belonged to Sha're. Looking in the man's eyes, Daniel had a feeling that Kasuf knew he would never be returning.

Daniel had not really taken a close look in the basket until now, his emotions too raw at the time. The time had now come to do so.

After removing the basket from the box, Daniel pulled the things out of it one by one. The first thing was the cup that he and Sha're drank out of at the formal wedding, the one that took place after the big "Ra is dead" celebration party. He recalled how beautiful she looked during the ceremony, her eyes glowing with love for him.

His throat tightening, Daniel put the cup down and picked up another item. It was a hairpiece that he made for Sha're as a birthday gift. It took him hours to make, and he was never quite happy with how it turned out, but Sha're loved it.

The burn of tears joined the ache in his throat as he picked up the next item. This, too, had been a birthday present, one given to him by Sha're on the day he had calculated to be July eighth back on Earth. It was a tiny figurine that was an Abydonian symbol of eternal love, trust and faithfulness.

Eternal love, trust and faithfulness. Sha're had trusted that he would always be there for her. She'd had faith that he would always keep her safe. How horribly wrong she had been.

Dropping the figurine back into the basket, Daniel got up and strode away. Anger began to build inside him, rage at himself for failing to protect his wife, for failing to do the one thing he had wanted more than anything else in the universe. Sha're had been counting on him to save her, but instead of saving her, he took her life.

As he moved past it, Daniel bumped one of the piles of boxes, knocking it over. The boxes tumbled to the floor, spilling their contents.

Staring at the mess on the floor, Daniel felt his anger dribble away as the energy-sapping sorrow returned. As single tear slid down his cheek, he turned away and headed for the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Sam let out a long sigh. She should have known that coming back to work would be pointless. She just felt so depressed and had known that, if she went home, she'd just sit there, feeling miserable.<p>

The thought that Daniel was gone from the SGC and would probably never come back made her heart ache. One of the things she had always looked forward to every workday morning was seeing him. She had felt that way even before she realized that she was in love with him. It should have been a big clue to the truth about her feelings for him.

Now that he was gone, the place felt empty to her and wrong somehow. She knew that feeling would be far worse when they went on a mission. She didn't even want to think about someone filling Daniel's position on the team.

Giving up on any hope of getting some work done, Sam left her lab. Intending to go to the locker room and change, she found her feet taking her upstairs instead. She retraced steps she had taken many times before, then stood just inside the doorway.

Though it was not empty the room felt hollow, the bookshelves stripped of their contents, the worktable barren of the things that were eternally piled upon it. Daniel's essence, the indefinable thing that always made him feel like he was there even when he wasn't, was gone, leached away with the removal of his possessions.

_'Stop it, Sam,'_ the major chastised silently. _'You act like he's dead. All he did was leave the program, not your life.'_

But how often would she see him now that he was no longer here? An occasional meal together? A movie night once in a while? It wouldn't be enough, not nearly enough.

Feeling more depressed than ever, Sam started to turn away. Her eyes caught something lying on the floor off in a corner, and she went to investigate. It was one of Daniel's artifacts. It must have fallen and gotten missed during the packing.

Sam picked it up. She should take it with her so that she could give it to him when she saw him next.

A while later, Sam was on the road, heading home. As she stopped at a particular intersection, waiting for the light to change, her gaze drifted off to the right, the way she'd turn if she was going to Daniel's. Making a sudden decision, she made the turn. She knew she was being silly. Giving him the artifact could wait for the weekend, when she'd get together with him, Jack and Teal'c, but she felt the need to see him now, even if it was just for a few minutes.

When Daniel didn't answer her knock, she became a little concerned. Maybe he was in the shower and couldn't hear her, or perhaps he had taken a walk.

Sam stood there undecided for a few seconds, then unlocked the door. The first thing she noticed as she entered the room was a partially eaten plate of food on the coffee table. Beside the plate was a large handwoven basket filled with several items. Sam then noticed the pile of boxes that had fallen over, the contents lying untouched on the floor.

Her concern growing dramatically, Sam went in search of Daniel. She found him in the bedroom, sitting on the floor with his back against the bed. His elbows were resting on his bent knees, the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes.

"Daniel?" Sam inquired uncertainly.

Daniel's hands dropped, but he did not look up. She sat on the floor beside him.

"I really shouldn't have had any hope that I could save her," he said in a low voice. "I mean, what were the odds that I'd have actually succeeded?"

"Daniel, you couldn't have just given up hope, no matter what the odds were against it. Without hope of success, we'd never try to do anything. And you did try, the best that anyone could have."

"Fat lot of good it did."

"But at least you didn't choose to do nothing. It's better to try and fail than never try at all."

Daniel looked off across the room. "You know what makes me feel even worse? I've realized that, deep down inside, I started saying goodbye to Sha're a long time ago. When Ma'chello told me that I would never find her, I swore that I would, but the truth was that a part of me had already written her off. I just refused to admit it, even to myself." Emotion began filling his voice. "Now that she really is gone, I'm ashamed that I gave up on her before she was even dead."

"Daniel, you didn't give up on her. I have never seen anyone more determined about something than you were to save her. But you are right about what you said before. The odds against rescuing her were high. It's only human that you would have doubts that you could succeed. The important thing is that, even with those doubts, you didn't give up trying."

Daniel gave a shuddery sigh and closed his eyes, his head bowing. He looked so terribly sad and defeated that it broke Sam's heart.

"I'm staying here tonight," she abruptly said.

Surprised, Daniel looked at her. "No, Sam."

"Yes. You're not talking me out of it. I don't want you to be alone tonight. I wouldn't be able to sleep if I left now."

Daniel searched her eyes. The truth was that he really didn't want to be alone tonight. The apartment had felt so empty these days, which made no sense to him. Sha're never set foot in it, so her death shouldn't have made the place feel different . . . except for the bed, that is. All this time, he had held onto the dream that, someday, he would share that bed with her. Now that it was a dream that would never come true, the bed also felt empty.

"All right," he said. "We'll have to clear off the couch first, though. It's a mess."

The two of them got to their feet.

"By the way, why are you here?" Daniel asked.

"Oh." Sam held up the artifact. "I found this on the floor in your office. I guess you missed it."

Daniel took it from her. "Thanks."

They went out into the living room and cleared off the couch, then Sam helped Daniel pick up the stuff that had fallen on the floor.

The major returned to the couch. She looked at the things in the basket curiously. "What's this stuff?"

Daniel saw what she was looking at. "Um, Kasuf gave them to me. They're, uh, things that belonged to Sha're and me. "

"Oh." Sam gestured at them. "May I?" Upon receiving a nod from Daniel, Sam sat down and started looking at the things. After a few seconds, Daniel sat beside her and began explaining what each thing was. He was able to get through the whole basket without getting upset again.

Sam looked at him. "You never told me how you ended up married to her. Colonel O'Neill said that she was a gift, but I never got the whole story."

Daniel recounted to her the events that led up to his unwitting marriage to Sha're and what happened when she came to his tent and started removing her clothes.

"She thought that I stopped her from undressing because I didn't want her," he said, "which couldn't have been farther from the truth. I think I fell in love with her at first sight."

"I never really believed in that."

"What? Love at first sight?"

"Yeah. I guess it's the scientist in me." Sam looked at Daniel, thinking that, if there really was such a thing as love at first sight, she may have experienced it the moment she first laid eyes on him.

With some encouragement from Sam, Daniel shared with her some of his life with Sha're during the time he lived on Abydos. She was hoping that remembering the good times would help him feel better, but the truth was that it made Daniel long for Sha're all the more.

"It's getting late," he finally said. He got to his feet, as did Sam. That's when she thought of something.

"Um . . . do you have anything I can wear to bed?"

"I don't know. About all I could offer you are a T-shirt and boxers."

It was a struggle for Sam to hide how the thought of wearing Daniel's underwear made her feel. Clamping down on her totally inappropriate thoughts, Sam nodded.

"That'll do."

Daniel went to his dresser and pulled out a white T-shirt and a pair of pale gray boxers. Sam went into the bathroom to change, which turned out to take a lot longer than it should have because she spent a while staring at herself in the mirror after putting on Daniel's clothes.

When she came out of the bathroom, Daniel had just finished making the couch into a bed. He looked up and froze, his eyes taking in her appearance. He abruptly dropped his gaze, blushing slightly.

"Sorry," he said. "It's just, uh, strange to see you wearing my, um, underclothes."

Sam smiled slightly. "Yes, I know. Actually, some women choose to wear men's boxers to bed all the time. They're really quite comfortable."

That made Daniel's blush deepen. He looked down at the couch.

"I should really give you the bed," he said.

"No way, Daniel. I'm shorter than you and will sleep on the couch a lot more easily. I'll be fine. It'll be a lot more comfortable than a sleeping bag on the hard ground."

"All right." As Daniel passed by her, he gave her a little smile. "Good night."

"Good night, Daniel."

* * *

><p>A sound awoke Sam from sleep. For a moment, she lay still, not knowing what had roused her. Then she heard the sound repeated. It was a low, tortured moan coming from the bedroom.<p>

Sam threw off the covers and went to check on Daniel. He was lying still in the bed, breathing raggedly, tears leaking out of the corners of his closed eyes. The expression on his face was one of anguish.

Realizing that he was having a nightmare, Sam laid her hands on his shoulders and gently shook him.

"Daniel, wake up."

The archeologist drew in a sharp, gasping breath, his eyes flying open. For a moment, they were filled with confusion, then he apparently realized that he had been dreaming. He sat up and looked at her.

"I'm sorry," he said, self-consciously wiping away the tears. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes, but it's okay. I'm glad I was here to wake you up." Sam sat on the edge of the bed. "Have you been having a lot of nightmares?"

"A few."

The lack of eye contact told her that he wasn't being truthful.

Sam looked at him for quite a while, a little struggle going on inside her over what she should do. She knew what might help, but dare she do it? She had promised herself to do everything in her power to help Daniel. She couldn't back out on that now.

Making her decision, Sam went to the other side of the bed and climbed in.

"Uhhhh . . . Sam, what are you doing?"

"As you know, Cassie was staying with me at my place for a while, before Janet adopted her. She suffered a lot of nightmares about the death of her parents and the rest of the people on her planet. Hoping that it would make the nightmares stop, I let her sleep with me, and it did the trick."

"Sam, I'm not Cassie. I'm also not a little girl."

"Obviously I know that, Daniel, but you are someone who just lost the person who meant the most to you. If I was you, I'd be feeling really sad and lonely right now, and just having someone sleeping in the same room would make me feel less lonely."

Daniel's gaze fell from hers, his face turning away.

Sam continued. "It's a big bed, and we don't even have to touch." She smiled teasingly. "I promise that I'll keep my hands to myself . . . although it might be a struggle." Even as she said that, Sam was thinking about how true those words were.

The major's last sentence succeeded in shocking Daniel into staring at her. Seeing the smile in her eyes, he smiled back. "You really are something else, Major-Doctor Carter."

"You bet I am." She scooted down under the covers. "Now, come on. Let's go back to sleep. Unlike you, I've got to go to work in the morning."

Hesitating a moment longer, Daniel laid back down. Though a part of him was uncomfortable about having Sam sharing his bed, another part of him actually did feel better. Hearing her breathing, being aware of her presence lying close to him, did ease the loneliness. He began to feel as if he might make it through the rest of the night without another nightmare.

Daniel's hand slid across the bed, seeking Sam's. When he found it, he grasped it gently.

"Thank you, Sam. You're . . . a really good friend."

"I always will be, Daniel. Always."

* * *

><p>It was another moan that awoke Sam. As her eyes opened, a second one issued from Daniel's lips, a moan that was very different from those he'd uttered earlier in the night. He was on his side, as she was, and they were facing each other, only around a foot separating them. In the bright moonlight coming in through the thin curtains it was easy for her to see his face. His respiration had quickened, his eyes darting back and forth under closed lids, and the expression on his face was most definitely <em>not<em> one of anguish.

Oh, boy. Daniel was dreaming of Sha're again, but not of her death. The logical part of Sam's brain told her that it was probably a subconscious response to having a woman sleeping in the same bed. But it wasn't logic that was making her think about the images that must be passing through Daniel's mind and causing her temperature to rise. This was really bad, really, really bad. She needed to get out of this bed.

Before Sam could make a move to leave, Daniel's arm lifted, and his hand came to rest on her hip. She froze, going absolutely still, even her breathing stopping. When it started back up, it was a little faster. It grew faster still as Daniel's hand began to caress her, sliding from the peak of her hip to the hollow of her waist, then back again. The touch alighted Sam's body like a match to gasoline. And when his hand slid down her thigh to the bare skin below the hem of the boxers, she could not stop the tiny moan that welled up.

As Daniel's hand moved back up her leg, it pushed the material up as well. And then it was _underneath_ the material, the thumb sliding forward to where thigh met pelvis.

_'Oh, God,'_ Sam moaned in her mind. She did not resist as Daniel's other arm went around her and drew her against his body. She felt something press against her lower abdomen, and her breath caught as she realized what it was.

Daniel's one hand had inched back down her thigh a bit, the other arm wrapped firmly about her waist. His head bent forward, and he began to nuzzle the line of her jaw and neck, making a little sound of contentment in his throat. His lips brushed across Sam's skin, and she could swear that they burned her.

Sam knew that she shouldn't be letting this happen. It was wrong on so many levels. But it felt so very good, and she had wanted him to touch her like this for so long.

Daniel's teeth nipped Sam's earlobe, then his head lifted. His eyes were still closed, and he was obviously still dreaming . . . about his wife . . . his dead wife.

_'I have to stop this,'_ Sam told herself. _'I really do have to sto—'_

Sam's thoughts ended on a louder moan as Daniel's hand left her thigh to cup her bottom. He pulled her further up the bed slightly and slipped a leg between hers, increasing the contact of their nether regions. Her breath was coming in hard, rapid pants, and she was so turned on that she felt like she was going to catch fire. When Daniel rubbed himself against her, she could not stop her hips from responding. An image flashed into her mind of pulling his pajama pants down and letting him past the barrier of the boxers and panties she wore.

It was that thought that finally got past the pleasure of what was happening and into that part of Sam's brain where logic and common sense resided. She had to stop this and stop it now.

Sam was just about to extract herself from Daniel's embrace when he suddenly stiffened, growing utterly still. With a sinking heart, she lifted her gaze to his face, knowing what she'd see. She stared into a pair of wide, startled eyes.

For a charged, breathless moment, the two friends stared at each other. Mortified, Sam couldn't speak, couldn't move, her brain frantically searching for something to say. And then she watched as the look in Daniel's eyes changed from surprise to realization, and she knew what he was seeing, what she could not hide from him. The evidence of her arousal was written all over her. Even now, the press of his body against hers was still inflaming her, making her want him more than she'd ever wanted anyone in her life.

Sam's heart skipped in her chest, then began hammering like crazy as she saw Daniel's eyes change yet again. They darkened, the already dilated pupils widening even more as an expression she had long fantasized about spread across his features. His gaze slid down to land on her mouth. His respiration grew shorter and deeper, his warm breath brushing across her face, her lips.

Slowly, Daniel's hand traveled back up her body, gliding across her hip, her waist and ribs, a thumb brushing the curve of her breast. Up it went to her neck and then the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair. His eyes locked upon hers, hypnotic, heart-stopping, burning like blue fire. Sam was lost in those eyes, in the feelings that had flared back up in her body.

In the next instant, Daniel's lips crashed down upon hers, his tongue driving straight into her mouth. With a groan ripped from the depths of her throat she held on as he plundered her mouth with wild passion, possessing it like no other man ever had. She kissed him back with matching passion, tongue tangling with his, his taste overwhelming her.

Daniel rolled over, bringing her underneath him. His mouth left hers and went to her neck, his tongue sliding across the skin, teeth nipping lightly. His hands began running over her body, touching her in places that made her pant with need.

Daniel pushed her T-shirt upwards, exposing her naked breasts to his eyes. And then his hands and lips were upon them.

"Oh, God," Sam gasped. She clutched at his T-shirt, wanting it off, _needing_ it off. Sensing her need, Daniel yanked the top off. The sight of his bare chest made Sam's desire flare even brighter. In the next second, her mouth was traveling across his neck, shoulders and chest, her tongue tasting his skin for the first time. Daniel moaned loudly. He grabbed her T-shirt and pulled it off. With desperate hands, Sam grasped the waistband of Daniel's pajama pants and pushed them down, finding him naked underneath. The clothing was soon gone, then so was the rest of hers.

In the next moment, the final step was taken, and Sam cried out at the explosion of sensations within her body. White-hot passion consumed them both, their climaxes rushing upon them with supersonic speed. Very quickly, they were approaching the edge. Then, suddenly, Sam was coming, fire flashing through her body like an inferno. With a wild rush of ecstasy, Daniel followed her.

As the feelings faded, they lay still, their hearts gradually slowing. Daniel cupped Sam's face and took her mouth in a deep kiss. He then rolled onto his side, keeping hold of her, and pulled her head down to lay beneath his chin. With a sigh he closed his eyes. It was not long before Sam heard his breathing deepen, his body relaxing in sleep.

Slow minutes ticked by, still and silent. Without a sound, Sam began to cry, her tears not ones of joy over the wondrousness of their lovemaking but of shame, for she knew that this should never have happened. For so long she had dreamed of this moment, but, in her dreams, it had been an act of mutual love, not one born of Daniel's grief and her selfish weakness. And she had no one to blame but herself. She was the one who should have stopped it, who shouldn't have let it get started in the first place.

Being careful not to awaken him, Sam left the bed, got her clothes, and began to dress. As she did so, the tears fell even harder, her feelings of shame growing deeper. God, how could she have done this? Daniel was grieving, vulnerable and in pain. She took advantage of that, letting her desire take control and doing something completely unforgivable. He'd probably never want to see her again.

Sam rushed out of the apartment. She barely remembered the drive home. As she lay in her own bed, her tears of shame were joined by ones of sorrow. Tonight she had found heaven, rapture beyond words. For the first time in her life, she had experienced the wonder of making love with a man she truly loved with her whole heart – and it would never happen again.

Burying her face in the tear-wet pillow, Sam mourned for the joy she had found and lost all in the same night, a joy that should never have been hers at all.

* * *

><p>Daniel hazily awoke, a shaft of sunlight spearing through the curtains and into his eyes. For a moment, his sleep-drugged mind drifted, slightly disconnected . . . that is until he realized that he was naked. Why was he. . . . And then it suddenly all came back to him, blazing into his mind with stark clarity.<p>

Stiffening, gripped with dread, Daniel cautiously rolled over to find the other side of the bed empty. He listened for a moment but heard only silence. Sam was gone.

Daniel closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands as all the memories from last night went marching by behind his eyelids. He'd awakened from a dream of making love with Sha're to find that there really was a woman in his arms. Totally shocked, he'd laid there, staring at Sam, not knowing what to say. And then he saw it. It was unmistakable, the signs of a woman who was sexually aroused. She had looked so beautiful, so desirable, blue eyes filled with want, hardened nipples pressed against his chest. The knowledge that she was aroused because of his touch had made his senses tilt off-kilter. And then the shock disappeared, replaced by a far more powerful emotion, one he'd had neither the desire nor will power to control.

Every moment of their explosively passionate lovemaking was replayed in his brain. Not even once had he thought about what he was doing. Not for one second did it impact upon his mind that it shouldn't be happening. All he'd felt was the unreasoning desire burning through his veins, the sudden, all-consuming need.

_'Oh, God. What have I done?'_ He'd let his grief and loneliness drive him into doing something utterly shameful. And what made it even worse was that he'd done it to Sam, one of the best friends he'd ever had, a woman who had trusted him, respected him, loved him like a friend.

Tears of self-loathing filled Daniel's eyes and fell down his face. What he did was unpardonable. She probably hated him for it. He hated himself.

Daniel wished to God that she'd pushed him away, slapped him, hit him, done something to stop it. Why didn't she? Was she caught in the moment just like him? Did she give into him out of compassion? Was it pity sex? That thought almost made Daniel feel like he was going to throw up.

Scrambling out of the bed, Daniel went to the bathroom, where he took a scalding-hot shower. The water mixed with fresh tears. There could be no forgiveness for this. He had lost his wife, and now he had ruined one of the only remaining relationships that truly meant anything to him.

Daniel got out of the shower and got dressed. Bypassing the kitchen, he went straight to the balcony. The bare concrete was cold against his sock-clad feet, but he barely noticed as he walked up to the railing.

"God, Sam. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The morning breeze wafted across cheeks that were wet yet again. Daniel choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. Guilt over the death of his wife joined with the new guilt of what he'd just done. He had taken the life of his wife, and now he had hurt another woman he cared about deeply. One life destroyed and another damaged because of him. On top of that, he had betrayed Sha're's memory by having sex with another woman only days after her death.

Daniel's eyes opened, and he stared at the ground below. A thought came into his mind and took purchase. It would be so easy, just swing his legs over the railing and let go. Then all the grief, guilt and pain would be gone forever. He'd be out of Sam's life for good. The problem was that he was only three stories up. That might not be high enough to do the job right. He'd need someplace higher.

Suddenly, an image of Sha're leapt into Daniel's mind, her luminous brown eyes gazing at him with sorrow. The realization of what he was doing impacted upon him. He took a quick step back from the railing, shaken by the fact that, for a moment, he had actually considered suicide.

Daniel went inside and took a seat on the couch. In that moment, he knew that he had to do something. He had to get away, far away from this place. He didn't know where he'd go or what he'd do once he got there, but he could not stay here in this city where he'd had such hopes of saving Sha're, the city where he betrayed one of the best friendships he'd ever had.

* * *

><p>At the start, I told you that this story was going to be different in some ways to my usual DanielSam fic. You might be starting to get some idea now about what I meant. Just wait, though. There are more surprises on the way.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Daniel began to make plans. For now, he'd just go away on a trip somewhere, someplace where he could try to find some peace within himself. Once he came back, then he could start the business of moving. Perhaps by then he'd have some idea on where he was going to make a new life for himself.

Daniel got up and made some coffee. Over the brew, he thought about what he was going to tell Jack. The man probably wouldn't be happy. He just hoped that Jack could at least understand why he had to do this. That would be a conversation for later, though. He would not reveal that he was moving away until after he'd come back from his trip.

After finishing his coffee, Daniel began to pack. As he did so, he put some thought into where he was going to go. He thought of and discarded several places before settling on one that he figured would work perfectly for what he believed he needed.

After finishing with the packing of his clothes and toiletries, he went into the living room and gathered a few books. He reached for his laptop, then changed his mind. If he took it, Jack would no doubt try to email him. He'd also have to leave his cell phone behind to avoid the dozens of calls he'd no doubt get from the colonel.

That thought made Daniel's eyes go to the home phone. He needed to let Jack know that he was going away for a while, but if he called his friend at work, Jack would demand to know where he was going. To avoid that, he would have to leave Jack a message at home. By the time Jack got it, he would be gone.

The archeologist finished his preparations for the trip and took care of a few other things. He then made the call to Jack's place. Though he tried to sound casual on the recording, he didn't think he succeeded.

As he hung up the phone, Daniel thought of something else, something that made his stomach tighten. It was not something he wanted to do, but, after his despicable actions, he owed it to her.

After taking care of that second thing, Daniel glanced about to see if there was anything he was forgetting. His eyes fell upon something, and he realized that there was one more thing he had to do.

* * *

><p>Jack stepped into the house, slamming the door behind him. Today, Hammond had talked to him about picking Daniel's replacement.<p>

"Jack, I know this isn't something you want to do, but you need to face the fact that Doctor Jackson is not coming back," the base commander had said. "His departure is a loss for this entire program, but our fight against the Goa'uld hasn't stopped, and I need your team back out there. I want you to get started on going through personnel files tomorrow."

Jack went to the fridge and got a beer. As he opened it, he saw that the light was blinking on his answering machine. He pressed the play button and was surprised to hear Daniel's voice.

"Hey, Jack. I, um, wanted to let you know that I'm going away for a while."

The words made Jack freeze, his stomach clenching. He continued listening to a voice that was trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

"I don't know yet how long I'm going to be gone. Since I know that you'll try to call me even if I tell you not to, I'm leaving my cell phone behind. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I just need to . . . to get away from . . . everything." There was more than a little tension in those last words.

"So I guess I'll, uh, talk to you when I get back," Daniel said in conclusion.

As the message finished playing, Jack let out a curse. A bad feeling in his gut, he called Daniel's house. He was not surprised when he got no answer. He then tried Daniel's cell phone, hoping that the archeologist had changed his mind about taking it. The call went straight to voice mail.

Slamming the phone down, Jack hurried out the door. He didn't know what he hoped to accomplish by going to Daniel's since the archeologist had obviously already left, but maybe he could somehow figure out where his friend had gone.

As he drove, the thought came to Jack that maybe he should just turn around and go back home. Was it any surprise that Daniel wanted to get away for a while? Maybe it would be good for him, certainly better than moping around his apartment day and night. But Jack's bad feeling wouldn't go away. He couldn't get out of his head the undercurrent in his friend's voice, like that of a man who'd reached the end of his rope. Jack knew that feeling all too well. It had led him to accept a suicide mission. What would the same feelings lead Daniel to do?

Jack was afraid of finding out.

* * *

><p>Sam closed the door with a weary sigh. She might as well not have gone to work today. She'd gotten nothing accomplished. All she kept thinking about all day was what happened last night.<p>

Sooner or later, she was going to have to face Daniel, but she didn't know how she was going to look him in the eyes. What would she see there when she did?

Sam sat down at her computer and booted it up. She checked her email, eyes skimming down the list. Her heart just about leaped into her throat when she saw one from Daniel. Almost holding her breath, she opened it.

_Dear Sam,_

_How can I ever express how horribly sorry and ashamed I am for what I did to you last night? Nothing I could ever say or do would make up for it. Your friendship has meant so much to me, and with that one selfish act, I betrayed that friendship and your trust. I can never forgive myself for it, and I certainly don't expect you to forgive me. I will understand if you never want to see me again for the rest of your life._ _I am going away for a while. I need to go someplace where I can be alone and try to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. There isn't much left in my life to salvage, but I need to try._

_Though I neither expect nor deserve forgiveness, I hope that, someday, you will be able to give it to me. But, no matter what the future brings, I want you to know that I will always cherish the friendship you gave to me._

_Daniel_

Sam's breath caught, tears spilling down her face, Daniel's word tearing a hole in her heart. He thought that he had betrayed their friendship, but he was so wrong. _She_ was the one who'd betrayed _him_. _She_ was the one who acted selfishly.

Sam reread the email. Something was wrong. There was something in the message that gave her a bad feeling that Daniel wasn't going away just for a few days.

Sam placed a call to Daniel's cell phone, already knowing that he wouldn't answer. The fact that it went to voice mail without ringing told her that it was turned off. Knowing that he was probably already gone, Sam dashed out the door, intent upon finding out where he was.

* * *

><p>Jack stepped into the apartment. The lack of Daniel's car in his parking space had confirmed that the archeologist was gone. Now, Jack would have to see if he could find out where his friend went. He checked the bedroom first. Having seen inside Daniel's closet before, he knew approximately how many clothes the younger man had. The closet was now a whole lot emptier, telling Jack that Daniel was not coming back in two or three days. He then checked the drawer where Daniel kept several hundred dollars in emergency money. It was all gone. Gone as well was the photo of Sha're that had sat on his bedside table. In its place was Daniel's cell phone.<p>

Leaving the bedroom, Jack returned to the living room and just stood there. After a few seconds, he realized that something was different. It took him a while to figure out what it was. It was too quiet. He turned to a corner of the room. The fish tank was gone. Jack knew what that meant. If Daniel really was only going away for a week or two, he would have made arrangements for someone to come here and feed his fish. The fact that he'd apparently gotten rid of both the fish and the tank meant that his plans were a lot more permanent.

"Dammit," Jack cursed.

Knowing that he probably wouldn't find any more clues there, Jack went to the door. He opened it and was startled by the sight of Sam on the other side.

"Sir!" she cried, also startled. "Daniel. He's—"

"Gone. Yeah, I know. He left a message on my machine."

"He emailed me."

Jack stepped aside so that she could come in.

"Do you know where he went?" Sam asked, clearly very worried.

"No, and he left both his cell phone and computer, so we have no way to contact him."

Sam walked away a few steps. "I wish I'd had some idea that he would do this. Maybe I shouldn't be so worried, but I have a terrible feeling that. . . ."

"This is more than just a case of him getting away for a while?"

Sam turned back to Jack. "You feel it, too?"

Without a word, Jack pointed to the empty spot where the fish tank used to be.

"Oh my God," Sam gasped. "Sir, we have to find him."

"Yeah. Come on. Let's go to the base."

As soon as they got to the SGC, Sam and Jack told Teal'c about Daniel's departure and what they feared. The news greatly concerned the Jaffa.

As Jack and Teal'c went to talk to General Hammond, Sam got on the computer and checked the flights out of Denver to see if Daniel had booked something. She came up empty, which could mean that he was driving. The question was where? In his email he said that he needed to go someplace to be alone, so that let out places with big crowds.

Sam recalled Daniel once telling her that Sha're had wanted to see an ocean ever since he described what they were like. Maybe he went to the coast. But which coast? The West Coast would be closer. Perhaps California. She knew that he still had some friends at UCLA.

When Jack and Teal'c got to her lab, she asked them what Hammond said.

"He's worried," the colonel replied, "but there's not much that he can do. We can't involve the military in this, and we can't go to the police unless we have evidence that Daniel's life is at risk. He said that he'd make a few calls and put out some feelers."

Sam told him her thoughts about California, and Jack nodded.

"Good thinking. I'll do some digging and find out who he knows at UCLA. Wasn't there some guy who helped him arrange that last lecture?"

"Yes. Um . . . Brant, Doctor Kevin Brant. Daniel touches bases with him from time to time."

"All right. Get his number and call him."

"What should I tell him?"

"That Daniel recently lost a loved one, and we're worried about him and think he might be showing up there sometime in the next few days. Tell him not to let Daniel know that we called but that he's to contact us right away if Daniel does show up."

Sam caught Jack's eyes. "Sir, what are we going to do if we can't find him?"

"That isn't going to happen, Carter. One way or another, we _are_ going to find him."

* * *

><p>Daniel took a long, deep breath, drawing in the cool, fresh air. A haunting cry came to his ears, and he looked out across the water, just barely making out the creature that uttered the sound.<p>

The archeologist had to wonder what his ex-teammates would think if they knew where he had chosen to go. They'd definitely be surprised, especially Jack. He pictured the look on the man's face, and a smile came to his lips. The smile did not last long.

Daniel closed his eyes with a weary sigh, tired beyond words. In the days that he had been here, he'd barely slept. He had hoped that the peace and quiet of this place would enable him to find some peace within himself, but such was not the case.

Maybe this was a mistake. Perhaps he should have gone someplace where he could have filled his hours with stuff that would distract him. In the past, whenever life got really hard, he'd buried himself in work or in study. It never really made him feel better, but it had at least kept him from thinking about everything all the time.

And that was the problem. During every one of these days, he kept thinking about everything all the time. _Everything_. The thoughts about Sha're and her death were bad enough, but the thoughts about Sam were even worse. The memories of their lovemaking plagued him ceaselessly. He could not stop thinking about her beneath him, his body joined with hers. Her passionate outcries, the taste of her skin, the feeling of her mouth on his skin. It wouldn't go away, keeping him awake at night. And, God help him, he wanted it again. His shame over what he'd done was as strong as ever, yet he could not deny how fantastic the lovemaking had been. For the first time since Sha're was taken by Apophis, he had felt truly alive, no worry, no sorrow, just the brightly blazing fire of passion.

The fact that he did want it again made Daniel feel even more ashamed. What kind of sick bastard was he? Sha're would be ashamed of him, too. As for Sam, she'd probably shoot him. He'd give her the bullets to do it.

Daniel got up and went inside. Deciding that a hike would do him some good, he put some things in a backpack, then struck out into the woods. As he walked, he thought again about what he was going to do once he got back from this getaway. Where could he make a new life for himself? What he would most love to do was get back into archeology, find some remote dig somewhere and let himself get lost in the thing that was still one of his greatest passions. But could he find a dig that would accept the crackpot Doctor Daniel Jackson? He still had some friends at UCLA with strong connections in the archeological community. Maybe one of them would know of a dig that would accept him. If not, maybe they could at least steer him toward a job, some potential employer who could look past his history of off-the-wall theories.

There was another friend, too, or at least someone who used to be a friend. If he went back to Chicago, would Doctor Jordan want anything do to with him? Daniel knew that he hurt his former professor and mentor by leaving and breaking off ties with him so suddenly. Stephen Rayner _definitely_ wouldn't welcome him back.

And then there was Sarah Gardner, the woman who had been a friend and became a lover. That relationship ended badly as well. He really did have a bad habit of trashing friendships with women by bringing sex into the mix, didn't he.

That brought him right back to thinking about Sam. Why couldn't he just get what happened out of his mind? It couldn't be because it had been a long time since he'd willingly had sex with a woman. He'd gone much longer periods of time without it. He wasn't the casual sex sort of guy, so his sexual encounters had been limited to the women with whom he had a relationship, and those had been few and far in between.

Ruthlessly shoving all thoughts of Sam out of his mind, Daniel took a fork in the narrow path that looked as if it would take him up a steep incline, figuring that the strenuous activity would help keep his mind off everything else.

Soon, the gentle slope steepened, and his hiking turned into climbing. It wasn't long before it got even steeper, and Daniel began to question the wisdom of what he was doing. When he reached the point where he had to use his hands to brace him, he decided to stop. This kind of climbing was not wise to do alone, especially when he had no way to contact anyone if he was injured.

Daniel looked over his shoulder down the path he had just taken. It looked even more treacherous going down than it did going up.

Mentally mapping out the best way to go down, Daniel began his descent. He hadn't even gone five feet when a rock beneath his right boot came free, and, suddenly, he was falling.

* * *

><p>Jack glared at the paperwork sitting on the desk before him. Four days. It had been four days since Daniel disappeared, and they still had no clue where he'd gone. He had not made contact with any of his acquaintances in California, though that didn't mean he wasn't in that state. He had not used his debit or credit card since leaving Colorado Springs, so they couldn't track his whereabouts that way.<p>

Had he gone off to some dig somewhere? He'd taken no international flights, so it was unlike that he'd left the continent, but there were plenty of archeological sites right here in the U.S., as well as Mexico. Jack could picture the man in the middle of some godforsaken jungle, exploring Mayan ruins that even the tourists were too smart to go near. Great. As if Jack wasn't worried enough already.

"Daniel, I swear that, when you come back, I am going to beat you senseless," the colonel muttered.

_If_ he came back.

The only good thing about the whole situation was that Hammond had allowed Jack to put off finding Daniel's replacement, recognizing that he was too worried and distracted.

Jack left his office and went to Sam's lab, she was staring vacantly at her computer.

"Can't work either, huh," he said, startling her.

She let out a sigh. "No, sir. I'm just really worried about Daniel."

Jack settled on a stool. "Join the club. I know he's a big boy and can take care of himself, but he wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind when he left."

Guilt assailed Sam again, knowing that one of the reasons Daniel had been in such a negative frame of mind was what happened between them and his misplaced guilt over it.

"I suppose you haven't come up with any bright ideas on how we can find him," Jack said.

"I wish I had, sir. Obviously, he's been using cash since he left. I have to wonder if he's doing that deliberately so that we can't track him."

"So you think he knew that we'd do exactly what it is that we're doing?"

"Well, he may have suspected that you'd try to find out where he'd gone so that you could follow him there."

Jack thought about it. "Yeah, he knows me well enough to guess that. But, dammit, if he'd just told me up front where he was going, I wouldn't have felt the need to go after him."

Sam stared at Jack intently. "Wouldn't you?"

Jack paused. "Okay, so, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have, but with all the stuff that happened and how he felt about it, the thought of him being off by himself someplace makes my palms sweat. If we at least had some idea what he's doing, I'd feel better . . . well, unless it turns out that he really _is_ digging up some remote Mayan ruin."

Sam's brow furrowed, a question in her eyes. "Remote Mayan ruin?"

"Never mind. It's just something that came into my head earlier." Jack frowned. "You said that he used his debit card at a store here on the day he left."

"Yes, at a department store."

"Can we find out what he purchased?"

"I suppose so, but I couldn't access that information online. We'd have to go to the store, and for that we'd have to ask General Hammond's permission."

"Then let's go talk to him."

Hammond gave the two permission to talk to the store, so they immediately went into town. At the store, they flashed their IDs and told the manager that their request was part of a classified military matter, which was a lie, of course, but definitely got the man's attention. He looked up the record of purchases for that day and found Daniel's.

"Okay, it looks like he purchased some food, plastic utensils, paper plates and cups. Also a cooler, some ice, bug spray, and a backpack."

Oh, this was not good, both Jack and Sam were thinking. It sounded like Daniel definitely went somewhere that was not the center of civilization.

"Anything else?" Jack asked, leaning forward to look at the computer screen.

"Um, let me see. Oh, yes. There's also some fishing gear, including a rod."

That made Jack stand up straight. "Fishing gear?"

"Yes, sir."

A smile began to tease at the corner of Jack's mouth. "Thank you. You've been a big help. We must ask you not to discuss this with anyone, including family and coworkers."

Jack strode away, Sam on his heels.

"Sir, do you know where Daniel went?" she asked once they got outside.

He stopped and turned to her. "Yes, I do, Carter, and it's the one place I would _never_ have thought to look for him." He resumed walking. "Come on. We need to get back to base and arrange for some leave time. We're going on a little trip."

* * *

><p>With reflexes honed over more than two years of dodging enemy Jaffa weapons fire, Daniel reached out to grab something that would save him from a possibly fatal tumble down the hillside. His hand came in contact with the trunk of a bush, and he grabbed on. The bush jerked, nearly pulled out by the roots, but managed to hold. Daniel's boots gained purchase on the ground, and his slide stopped.<p>

For a moment, the archeologist didn't move, clinging to the bush until his thundering heart had calmed and he was sure that it was safe to let go. Okay. That was a close one. How stupid would it have been for him to survive extensive brain damage caused by an alien torture device only to die on a hike right here on Earth?

Daniel waited a while longer, then resumed his descent. He managed to make it the rest of the way down the steepest part of the trail without further incident. He went to a small boulder and sat down, knowing that he was very lucky he hadn't been injured.

The archeologist thought about what went through his mind as he fell, the intense, adrenaline-pumping fear of death. He had not wanted to die. Despite all the anguish and guilt he had been suffering and his wish that he had died instead of Sha're, the desire for life had kicked in with a vengeance.

Daniel drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. For the first time since receiving the devastating news, he felt like he really was going to get through this. He would survive. He would move on and build a new life. He would never forgive himself for being the one to take Sha're's life, but he would learn to accept the guilt.

At that moment, sitting there with nothing but the animals and trees around him, Daniel remembered. It all came back to him, Kasuf telling him that Sha're's son had been taken, pointing off to the tent where Daniel could see a female Goa'uld. When he ran toward the tent, his thought had been that the child was inside, that he needed to get to the boy before the Goa'uld escaped with him. It wasn't until he was closer that he realized the Goa'uld was Amaunet.

Just then, an army of Jaffa came running over the hill. He should have gone back to help fight them, but all he could think about was Sha're and her son. He managed to kill the two Jaffa guarding her, though one nearly blasted him with a staff weapon.

Once inside the tent, he confronted her, demanding to know where the baby was.

"Where you and the System Lords will never find him," she had replied.

And then she began to raise the hand bearing a ribbon device. Daniel warned her to stop, but she ignored him. He could have shot her, but he just couldn't get himself to pull the trigger, his love for Sha're making it impossible to kill her. He had even feared to wound her in case his bullet went astray.

Every agonizing second of being ribboned replayed in his mind: sinking to his knees, telling Sha're to fight the Goa'uld inside her, Amaunet's haughty response. And then came the memory of feeling his brain and body dying, of knowing that he wasn't going to make it and that with him would die his dream of saving Sha're. He was nearly unconscious when the sound of the shot came.

Janet and his teammates were right. He didn't shoot Sha're on purpose. It really was an accident. Knowing that gave Daniel a sense of relief and helped ease his guilt, at least in that regard. He would always bear the guilt that it was because of his actions that Sha're was in that position in the first place.

Daniel got to his feet and made his way back to his present residence. He decided that a more sedentary pastime was in order and got one of his books to read out on the deck. Instead, he ended up thinking about Sam. Though his guilt over killing Sha're had eased, the guilt about what happened with her was as strong as ever.

Somehow, he had to beg for her forgiveness. He couldn't leave his old life behind without first trying to repair the damage he wrought to his friendship with her.

That night, for the first time since learning of Sha're's death, Daniel made it through the whole night without suffering a nightmare. He spent a good part of the next morning down by the water, putting some thought into what kind of jobs he'd be willing to do and which ones he had any real hope of getting. There was always the option of going back to Egypt. He might have better luck getting a job in the field of archeology there. He still had friends there, too, people who could put in a good word for him.

It was about an hour after lunch when Daniel heard the approach of a car. Even before he saw it come into sight, he knew who was in it. He walked down the steps and waited for the vehicle to come to a halt.

"I see that I was right," he remarked as Jack, Sam and Teal'c got out of the car.

"Right about what?" Sam asked, happy to see him. Daniel caught her eyes for a brief moment, then looked away.

"That if you knew where I'd gone, you wouldn't be able to leave me be. Actually, it was Jack that I knew wouldn't, but I figured that you and Teal'c might come along with him."

"Well, Daniel," said Jack, "if I had known that you were coming to my own cabin, I'd have invited myself along."

"Which would have defeated the whole purpose of me coming here."

"I wasn't even aware that you knew where the colonel's cabin was," Sam said. "I know you've never been here before."

"He mentioned once that it was around a mile from Silver Creek Junction, so all I did was ask some people there for directions."

Jack studied the archeologist closely, noting that the man appeared to be a lot more relaxed than when they saw him last. "So, Daniel, have you been having fun?"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it fun, but it has been relaxing," he paused ever so slightly, "for the most part. I do, however, wish that you'd told me there are no fish in the lake. I'd have saved myself a lot of money and not gotten all that gear."

"So you _did_ go fishing. Sweet."

"If that's what you call putting a line in the water, then just sitting there until moss grows on you."

Sam looked at Jack. "Why do you keep coming here to fish if there are no fish?"

"Well, I don't know that for _sure_," the colonel said defensively. "I might be surprised someday. Besides, fish aren't important to fishing."

"They aren't?"

"No. It's all about the _act_ of fishing."

The other three stared at him as if he was delusional.

"So how did you find me?" Daniel asked.

"Actually, it was you buying the fishing gear that made me figure it out," Jack replied.

Daniel looked at the grey-haired man for a long, silent moment. "You actually went to the store to find out what I bought?"

"We were worried about you," Sam said.

Daniel's eyes met hers again. For a brief moment, she saw a look of guilt and shame, then he looked away.

"I appreciate that you were all worried, but, as you can see, I am alive and all in one piece. You wouldn't have had to come all this way to check on me."

"Do you want us to leave?" Sam couldn't keep the hurt out of her voice.

Daniel's gaze was now turned to the ground. "I did come here to be alone." Before anyone could say anything in response, he added, "But you've come all this way, so you might as well at least stay for the rest of the day and tonight."

Jack's gaze sharpened, having caught two words in particular. "At least?"

Daniel merely shrugged. He looked at the car, which he saw was a rental. "Did you fly in?"

"Yep. Not commercial, though. I borrowed a friend's Cessna."

Jack, Sam and Teal'c got their bags out of the car and carried them into the cabin. Sam looked about.

"This is nice, bigger than I imagined. How many bedrooms?"

"Two," Jack replied. "We three guys will have to bunk in together."

Sam couldn't stop herself from thinking that, if she and Daniel had to share a bed, it wouldn't be the first time.

"Um, there's going to be an issue with dinner," Daniel said. "I don't have enough to feed all of us."

"That's not a problem," Jack responded. "I can go into town and get more. We'll get unpacked, then I'll go ahead and do that."

Sam put her stuff in the unused bedroom as Jack and Teal'c did likewise in the room in which Daniel had been sleeping. There were two double beds in the room. Since Teal'c didn't need a bed to Kel'no'reem, Daniel and Jack would each have one to themselves.

As everyone was coming out of their bedrooms, Daniel's and Sam's eyes met for a moment. The archeologist quickly looked away and hurried on past. Sam watched him sadly, not noticing the way that her C.O. was staring at her.

Jack invited Teal'c to come with him to town, and the Jaffa accepted.

"We'll probably be gone for a couple of hours or so," the colonel said. "I haven't been here in a while, and I'd like to say hi to some folks."

He and Teal'c got in the car and headed down the road.

"I believe that there is some issue between Daniel Jackson and Major Carter that needs resolving, O'Neill," Teal'c stated.

"Ah, so you saw that too, eh? That's why I invited you along and am giving them a couple of hours alone together. Hopefully, by the time we get back, everything will be straightened out. I do have to say, though, that I'm curious about what it's all about."

"I believe that, if Daniel Jackson is willing to do so, he will tell you eventually."

"Yeah. Until then, I'll just have to keep wondering."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Daniel was standing stiff as a board on the porch, still staring at the road down which the car had disappeared. He was painfully aware of Sam standing behind him.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," he suddenly blurted out. "God, I can't tell you how sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I-I-I can't believe I could stoop that low. To take advantage of you like that, to let myself lose control in that way. . . ." He was now almost in tears. "I don't know how you can stand to be near me."

Sam took a step forward. "Daniel, please stop. You're not the one who should be apologizing. You think that you're the one who betrayed our friendship, but you're wrong! It's me! _I'm_ the one who took advantage of _you_, and I am so sorry."

Daniel turned around to face her. "I don't understand."

"I knew that you were having a dream about Sha're. When you . . . when you began touching me, I should have stopped it immediately, but it felt so good. Then, when you woke up and started to. . . . I knew that it was happening only because of your emotions over Sha're. You were vulnerable and not thinking rationally, and I took advantage of that." Sam spun around, no longer able to face him, feeling so utterly ashamed that she wanted to sink down into the ground and disappear forever.

Daniel was stunned speechless, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"Sam, what are you saying?" he finally managed to ask.

Throwing her pride away, Sam turned back around. "I'm saying that I wanted it, Daniel. I wanted you to make love to me."

Daniel gasped, totally blown away. Sam was attracted to him? "I-I never knew. You never said or did anything that. . . ."

"I know. I tried my best to hide it. I didn't want you to know because of Sha're and because I knew that you would never feel the same way." Sam met Daniel's eyes. "What happened between us that night was a moment of weakness between friends. What we do about it now is accept that and move on."

Feeling terribly sad all of a sudden, Sam hurried down the steps. Daniel watched her vanish into the woods. He all but collapsed against the porch railing. He was having a hard time wrapping his brain around this. The discovery that she desired him was hitting him with stunning force. Yet, strangely enough, it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. In fact, what he was experiencing right now was far from discomfort. He thought about the feelings that had been plaguing him these past few days, his desire to experience again what they shared that night. Knowing that Sam would be more than willing to do so made him want it all the more. But Sam deserved a hell of a lot more than that. She deserved a man who loved her, and he couldn't give her that.

Regardless, he had to say _something_ to her. He couldn't leave things as they were.

Daniel took off into the woods after Sam. It took him only a few minutes to find her. She was sitting at the edge of the lake in a tiny open area where the lack of trees had encouraged the growth of some kind of wild grass. Daniel stopped and watched her for a moment. When he realized that she was crying, it made him feel terrible.

As soon as Sam became aware of Daniel's presence, she hastily wiped the tears from her face. He sat down beside her, rested his forearms on his bent knees, and stared at the grass between his feet.

"As you could probably tell, your confession really knocked me for a loop." He looked at her profile. "But, Sam, you need to know that it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable or ill-at-ease."

Sam relaxed. "Good. That's a big relief to me."

Daniel fell silent, his gaze back on the grass. Could he leave it at that? Sam deserved to know the whole truth, but he didn't know if could tell her. Besides, it would probably be better if she didn't know. It would just complicate the whole situation.

"But I'm still sorry," Sam said, interrupting his thoughts. "I should have left the bed as soon as you started . . . acting out your dream."

"And I should have left it as soon as I woke up and realized what I had been doing. We both made a mistake, Sam, and, like you said, it's time to move past it."

Daniel stared out at the water, feeling like a coward. But there was another emotion as well, one that he shouldn't have. That emotion was sorrow. Moving past it meant that it would never happen again. He would never again experience the sensation of Sam in his arms, the rapture of making love to her. But it would never have happened again anyway, so what difference did it make?

Suddenly feeling like he needed to be alone, Daniel got to his feet. "I'm going to go take a walk," he said. "I'll see you later."

As he began to turn away, Sam called to him. She got to her feet.

"Daniel, are you okay?"

The archeologist forced a smile to his lips. "Yes, I'm all right, Sam. Don't worry. Everything's good between us."

Sam tried to read his expression and failed. "Is it?"

"Yeah. I promise."

Sam watched him leave. Even though he'd said that he was all right, she had a feeling that he really wasn't. Was it that he was still feeling guilty about what happened? Though he now knew that he hadn't taken advantage of her, that didn't change the fact that he'd had sex with another woman just days after the death of the woman he loved. Daniel being the kind of man that he was, he probably felt guilty about that. Sam didn't know what she could say to him that would ease that guilt.

Sam went back to the cabin and wandered around the place, looking at the decorations, browsing through the reading material. She found a tackle box and spent some time studying the flies. When she glanced at her watch, she saw that Daniel had been gone for almost an hour.

Another ten minutes had passed when he came in the door.

Sam opened her mouth to say hi. What came out instead was, "You're still feeling guilty about it."

Daniel came to an abrupt halt, his eyes widening slightly.

Sam continued. "You're feeling guilty because something like that happened so soon after Sha're's death."

Daniel quickly turned away and headed into the kitchen. He was relieved that Sam hadn't somehow guessed his secret, but her words had also struck a nerve. She was right. He did feel guilty about that. The last thing he should have wanted was to be with another woman like that. And yet, not only had he wanted it that first time, he'd compounded his betrayal of Sha're's memory by wanting it again, by _still_ wanting it.

Sam came up to him. "Daniel, things happen, and, sometimes, our emotions get the better of us. Do you think that there aren't any other guys who would have done the same thing in that situation? If you do, then think again. I know that Sha're would have understood. She wouldn't have seen it as a betrayal."

"You don't understand," Daniel said in a barely audible voice.

"What don't I understand?"

Daniel shook his head. "Never mind." He took a deep breath. "I know that I'm not perfect, Sam. I know that we sometimes feel things we can't control. I just don't. . . ." He shook his head again. "Let's not talk about it anymore, okay?"

Sam paused before nodding. Daniel walked past her and out onto the back deck. He went to the railing and stared down at the water lapping at the bank. Sam joined him after a couple of minutes.

"So, has General Hammond picked my replacement yet?" he asked. "Or will it be Jack who does that?"

Sam didn't answer right away, the lump forming in her throat making it tough to speak.

"It will be up to the colonel," she said at last.

Daniel made a guess. "He's still hoping I'll change my mind."

"We all are, Daniel." Sam stared at his profile. "But that's not going to happen, is it."

Daniel closed his eyes. If that night with Sam had never happened, maybe someday he would have considered coming back to the program, but he couldn't possibly do so now.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Tears filled Sam's eyes, but she did not let them fall. She left the railing and went to one of the deck chairs. Would Daniel have ever changed his mind if that night never happened? She didn't want to think that her actions cemented his decision to never return to the SGC, but she couldn't help but do so.

Deciding that he should try to lighten the mood, Daniel went to the other deck chair and asked Sam what projects she'd been working on. Recognizing what he was trying to do, she answered. They were still talking about it when Jack and Teal'c returned.

The colonel studied them and was glad to see that the tension and awkwardness appeared to be gone. He was very tempted to ask what the whole thing was about, but he suspected that neither of them would tell him. So, instead, he gave each of them a beer from the six-pack he'd purchased. He then brought two more chairs out onto the deck, settling into one and motioning for Teal'c to do likewise in the other. He popped open a beer for himself. Teal'c had a bottle of iced tea.

"So, Daniel," the colonel drawled. "About your fish tank . . . or should I say the lack thereof. Care to explain that?"

"Oh." Daniel had been hoping that they hadn't gone into his apartment. "I've, uh, decided to leave Colorado. I was going to tell you after I got back. I knew that the fish probably wouldn't survive the move, so I decided to give everything to the neighbors across the hall. Their son has been wanting a fish tank for a while. I saw no point in waiting until I got back from this trip."

Silence followed Daniel's announcement, all of his ex-teammates dismayed that their suspicions about his plans being more permanent than just a few days away had proven to be accurate.

"Well, I don't have to tell you how I feel about this," Jack said.

Daniel sighed. "No, I'd already guessed what you'd think about it. I just feel like I need to get a fresh start, Jack. As long as I'm there, I don't know if I'll ever be able to put everything behind me."

Sam was getting more upset by the second. Had Daniel made this decision partly because of what happened between them? The timing made her suspect that he did.

"To where will you go, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked.

"I haven't completely made up my mind, though I have been considering California. I still have some friends at UCLA, and I thought that one of them might be able to get me a job."

"Yeah, about that," Jack said. "You might want to call a couple of those friends and let them know that you're all right."

Daniel frowned. "Why?"

Sam and Jack explained what they did.

"You know, you guys really wouldn't have had to worry about me," the archeologist said.

"We were concerned for your emotional well-being," Teal'c responded.

"And when we saw that the fish tank was missing, we were even more concerned," Jack added.

"When are you leaving?" Sam asked, keeping her voice steady with an effort.

"I was going to start making preparations right after I got back. I might give myself a little more time now, though, look into my options for a job first."

Jack had more to say, but he decided it was something that needed to be spoken in private.

The silence that followed was broken by Daniel. "There's something you should know. I now remember what happened."

That surprised everyone.

"All of it?" Jack asked.

"Yes." He told them the whole story. "You were right," he said at the end. "I didn't shoot her on purpose. I had my chance before she used the ribbon device, and I chose not to take it. If my body hadn't taken the decision out of my hands, I'd have stood there and died rather than kill her."

Sam stared at him intently. "You need to think about what Sha're would have wanted, Daniel."

The archeologist did not respond aloud to her statement, only nodding slightly.

Though, technically, they were all on vacation, the mood for the remainder of the day was not exactly festive. Over dinner, they made small talk, but no discussion lasted for long.

Neither Daniel nor Jack slept well that night. Sam barely slept at all. She was positive that Daniel's decision to move away was based in part on what happened between them, and her guilt over the whole thing had returned full force.

Everyone got up quite early the next morning. It was over breakfast that Daniel made an announcement.

"I'm going to head on back home."

The others looked at him.

"Today?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. I just don't see a point in staying here any longer. I'd probably have left in another day or two anyway. There's no reason why you guys can't stay, though. You came all this way, and you must have taken some leave time." Daniel looked at Jack. "I should imagine that you're dying to do some fishing in that lake with no fish."

"No, not so much," the colonel responded somberly.

Daniel stared down at his half-eaten breakfast. "Well, at the very least, you can stay another few hours. You're flying, but it'll take me over a day to get back, unless I drive straight through."

"I will accompany you, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, "so that I may share the burden of driving."

"I appreciate the offer, Teal'c, but I think I'd rather go back alone. I wouldn't be very good company anyway."

"I do not require company."

Daniel almost smiled at the remark. Instead, he repeated that he'd rather go alone. He got up from the table.

"I need to go pack."

As Daniel disappeared into the bedroom, Jack let out a low curse.

"This really stinks," he muttered.

"I wish we could make him change his mind," Sam said.

"Daniel Jackson believes that he needs to start his life anew in order to heal," Teal'c stated.

"What he needs is to be around his friends, Teal'c," Jack responded. "Instead, he's going to try to get through this alone, the last thing he should be doing."

Suddenly deciding that his talk with Daniel couldn't wait, Jack rose to his feet and strode to the bedroom.

"Daniel."

Upon hearing Jack's voice and its tone, Daniel paused in the act of placing a shirt in his suitcase.

"Jack, please don't say it. I know you think I'm making another mistake."

"You're damn right I do." Jack shut the door, then walked up to the younger man. "When Charlie died, I cut myself off from everyone, my friends, my family . . . Sara. It didn't help. It didn't make me feel better. All it did was destroy my marriage and make the grief and guilt worse. Now, you're doing the same thing. And don't say you're not. You think that moving away, getting a 'fresh start', is going to help, but all it's going to do is make you alone. Is that what you want, Daniel, to be alone for the rest of your life?"

Daniel stared down at the shirt in his hands, saying nothing.

Jack took another step toward him. "I'm going to ask you to do something, Daniel. I'm asking this as your friend. Just . . . wait. Don't do this now. It's only been two weeks since Sha're died. Give it another two, okay? That's all I'm asking, just two more weeks to think on this. If, at the end of those two weeks, you still believe that you need to go, then I'll accept it. I won't like it, but I'll accept it."

Daniel let out a long, soft sigh. He nodded slightly. "All right."

"Thank you."

Jack left the bedroom and joined the others.

"Well?" Sam asked.

"I convinced him to think about it for another couple of weeks."

"Well, at least that's something."

"Yeah. It gives us a little more time to figure out a way to make him stay."

Daniel came out a few minutes later, carrying his suitcase. The others helped him load it and his other stuff into his car.

"Don't try driving straight through," Jack said. "I tried that once and nearly fell asleep behind the wheel. Just take your time and be safe."

"Call when you get home, okay?" Sam requested.

Daniel nodded. "I will. When are _you_ guys going to leave?"

"Probably in a couple of hours," Jack replied.

Just then, they all heard the same cry that Daniel had the day before yesterday. Recognizing it as the call of a loon, Sam decided that the sad, haunting sound perfectly fit her mood.

She watched as Daniel got in his car and drove away down the street, hoping that, somehow, someway, she and her teammates could prevent him from walking out of their lives.

* * *

><p>Daniel set the last of his stuff on the floor. He stretched, hearing a few joints pop. He then headed straight to the coffeemaker and got it started. Last night had been another night with little sleep, and the only thing that kept him alert on the drive home was about a gallon of coffee. He'd need more to make it through the rest of the day.<p>

As the coffee brewed, Daniel dialed the number of Sam's lab. She answered on the third ring.

"Hi. I just got home," he told her.

"Good. Thanks for calling. I'll let Teal'c and the colonel know that you got home safe. So everything went okay?"

"Yeah. Long drive, though. You know, I used to drive all over the place, not just in this country, but others as well. I'd be on the road for days, and it never really bothered me all that much." He smiled. "I guess I'm getting old."

"Don't you dare say that, Daniel. If you're getting old, then so am I, and I refuse to accept that."

"Okay, I take it back. I'm just _older_ than I was back then, and I've had a whole lot more miles put on my body."

This time it was Sam who smiled. It didn't last long, though. For that brief moment, it had felt like old times. But those old times were gone now, possibly forever.

Feeling herself starting to get depressed again, Sam asked Daniel if he'd like to get together for dinner. The moment of silence that followed her question made her feel even worse.

"Um . . . okay," Daniel finally said. "Would you like to meet somewhere?"

"Actually, I was thinking that you could come to my place. I found this recipe that I've been wanting to try out, but I seldom feel like cooking just for myself."

"Oh. Uh, all right. What time?"

"Seven?"

"That'll work."

"Good. See you tonight, then."

"Okay. Bye, Sam."

Daniel hung up the phone and stared at it. Dinner at Sam's. Just the two of them . . . alone. That really shouldn't be a problem. Not so very long ago, it wouldn't have been. How very much things had changed.

On the entire trip back home, his mind had been filled with thoughts about all the things that had happened and all the things he'd learned, most of all, Sam's revelation of her feelings for him. He still found it hard to believe that she felt that way. He just wished that the knowledge didn't make his own desire for her even stronger. He'd lost track of how many times he'd told himself that he shouldn't feel this way, but it had done no good. But he could ignore it. That's really all he _could_ do. In time, it was sure to go away.

After unpacking, Daniel listened to the messages on his answering machine and cell's voice mail, then went through his email. The rest of the afternoon was spent doing household chores.

It was a couple of minutes after seven when Daniel knocked on Sam's door. When she opened it to reveal that she was wearing a light yellow sleeveless dress, he couldn't stop himself from thinking how beautiful she looked.

"Hi," he said nervously.

"Hi. Come on in."

Daniel stepped into the living room. "Something smells good."

"I just hope it tastes as good as it smells. The entree and veggies are done. I've got rolls in the oven, and they'll be done in a couple of minutes."

Daniel went to the dining room table and saw that the places had already been set. The wine glasses told him that there would be wine with dinner.

"I thought about stopping to get a bottle of wine," he said, "but I didn't know if it should be white or red."

"That's okay. I picked up some on the way home." Sam didn't tell him that she'd agonized over the decision of whether or not to include wine with the dinner, worried that it would make the meal feel more like a date, which, of course, it wasn't. She'd also agonized over whether or not to wear a dress. In the end, she'd decided that, since she sometimes wore dresses as casual wear, doing so for this dinner was okay. And it's not like the one she picked was anything special. It was just an ordinary sundress that she'd worn many times before.

The oven timer went off, and Sam went into the kitchen to pull the rolls out. Daniel followed her.

"Can I help put stuff on the table?" he asked.

"Sure."

A short while later, the food was on the table, and they were helping themselves to it. Daniel took a bite of the casserole.

"This is good."

Sam took a bite as well. "Mmm. Not bad. I'm glad I didn't screw it up."

Daniel smiled at the comment. "Cooking's not one of your many talents?"

"Not really. How about you?"

"Oh, I get by, but cooking is not one of my skills either."

The conversation moved on to other topics. Daniel gradually relaxed, letting himself just enjoy the time with Sam. He was able to completely put out of his mind the feelings that had been plaguing him for so many days.

All that changed, however, when he and Sam were clearing off the table. As they were putting the dishes in the sink, their bodies were just inches apart, and Daniel could smell the scent of Sam's hair and skin. The sudden urge to kiss her hit him full force. He quickly moved away, going back to the table to get the glasses. As he placed them beside the sink, he avoided looking at Sam.

"I should probably go," he said.

Surprised, Sam stared at him. "Don't you want any dessert?" She'd told him earlier about the apple pie she'd purchased.

Daniel had forgotten about the pie. "Oh. Um, I think I'll pass. It's been a long day, and I'm kind of tired." He hated lying to her, but he really needed to get out of there.

Sam kept staring at Daniel. During their meal, she had come to hope that the two of them could move on from what happened, but now, all of a sudden, Daniel was tense and avoiding eye contact. She watched as he went out into the living room.

Words that she had not intended to speak suddenly came out of her mouth. "It's because of what happened, isn't it."

Daniel turned to her with a puzzled frown. "What are you talking about?"

"The reason you're moving away. It's because of what happened between us. Or at least that's part of it."

Daniel's gaze dropped to the floor. He wanted to lie and say no, but he couldn't.

Sam began to cry. "I'm so sorry, Daniel. I wish it never happened. I wish that I'd been strong enough to stop it from happening. I've ruined everything."

Unable to remain there a moment longer, Sam hurried away to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She had no idea how long she'd been there when the door slowly opened. Daniel hesitantly came in and sat on the bed beside her.

"It isn't you, Sam. This isn't because of you or what you did. It's . . . it's because of me."

Sam lifted her eyes to Daniel. He was staring at his hands, which were in his lap.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment. He needed to tell her. He couldn't let her continue blaming herself.

"The truth is that, ever since that night, I've been feeling . . . things. At first, all I felt was shame, but then I . . . began thinking about how incredible it was, and I started to . . . I started wanting it to happen again." He heard Sam gasp sharply. "I know that's wrong, and it made me even more ashamed. I shouldn't want that, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. I . . . I can't stop myself from _still_ feeling that way."

Sam stared at Daniel in astonishment, hardly able to believe what she'd just heard. But that was not the only emotion she was experiencing. Daniel wanted to make love with her again. It was something she would not have dared hoped for. So what was she going to do about it? Her brain was telling her that she needed to ignore it, but her heart was saying something else entirely. So many times she had listened to her brain over her heart. That night in Daniel's bed was one of the few times she let her heart win, and she had feared that it cost her Daniel's friendship. What would happen if she let it win this time? Did she dare to do so?

Feeling excruciatingly uncomfortable, Daniel kept his gaze glued to his lap. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have told you. I just didn't want you to keep thinking that you were to blame for what's going on." He stood up. "I'm, uh, going to go now. I'll see you later, okay?"

Daniel hurried out of the bedroom and out of the house. Back at his apartment, he all but collapsed onto his sofa.

"Crap," he cursed under his breath. He was really beginning to regret that he'd told Sam how he felt. But no. He had to tell her. He couldn't have allowed her to keep blaming herself for everything. He would just have to deal with the fact that Sam now knew the truth. He wasn't looking forward to the next time he saw her, though.

Daniel went into the bedroom and began to get dressed for bed. He was shirtless, barefoot, and had just removed his belt when there was a knock on the door. Wondering who it could be at that time of night, Daniel slipped on the T-shirt he was intending to wear to bed and went to the door. His heart did a crazy little jump in his chest when he opened the door and saw who his caller was.

"S-Sam?" he stammered.

The major, who was looking anything but calm and collected, said, "Can . . . can we talk?"

"Sam, I really don't think—"

"Please?"

Daniel hesitated, then gave into the request. He stepped aside for her to enter. She did so and went into the living room, where she stood gripping her car keys so tightly that they were digging into the skin of her hand.

"What you told me is . . . is, um. . . ." Sam's voice trailed off. "Dammit. I come here to talk, and I don't even know what to say."

"Sam, you don't have to say anything. What I feel doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything."

"But it does, and that's the problem! You have no idea how hard this is for me."

Suddenly understanding the struggle she was going through and seeing in it a similarity to his own, Daniel walked up to her and said, "Yes, Sam, I do. Believe me."

Sam stared into Daniel's eyes and saw that he did understand. "What are we going to do?"

"What we said we were, put all of this behind us and move on."

Sam kept staring at Daniel. Logic was telling her that he was right. The problem was that she didn't want to be logical, not this time.

Daniel was just starting to turn away when Sam abruptly grabbed his face and crushed her lips against his. The archeologist was hit by surprise, which was followed by another feeling entirely, one that very quickly took over. He plunged into Sam's mouth, his arms pressing her tight against him, his body on fire with all the passion and desire he'd been fighting against.

After long seconds, their mouths separated, panting breaths brushing across each other's faces.

"Sam, we can't do this," Daniel said.

"It's something we both want, Daniel, so why can't we?"

"Because it would be a lie. I love Sha're, Sam. She may be dead, but I still love her. I can't pretend that I don't."

Sam caught his eyes. Her brain was yet again telling her that this was a mistake, but her heart was now firmly in control, and it didn't give a damn. She wanted this, so badly that nothing else mattered.

"I know, Daniel. I'm not asking you to pretend something that isn't true. But I can't pretend either. I can't walk away from this. I thought I could, but I just can't."

Daniel searched Sam's eyes, the turmoil he was feeling evident in his own. "I don't want to make a mistake, Sam. I've already made too many mistakes that hurt people I care about."

Sam stared right back at him. "I'm willing to take the risk."

Intense seconds passed, then Daniel quite suddenly gave up the fight. His mouth came crashing back down upon hers. He lifted her up, her legs encircling his waist as he carried her to the bedroom. They fell upon the bed, Daniel's desire for Sam now in complete control. One of his hands found its way under the skirt of her dress and up to her panties. He grabbed hold of the waistband and pulled them down. Sam got his pants unfastened and pushed them and his boxers down far enough to release him from their confinement. She then began yanking down her panties in a frantic effort to get them off. With Daniel's help, they were soon gone. He all but ripped his T-shirt off, then took hold of the straps of Sam's dress and bra and pulled them down.

Daniel's hands and lips fell upon Sam's body, nearly overwheming her with the pleasure of it. After several exquisite seconds, he rose back up. He could feel her need for him, and it was matched by his own for her. Unable to wait a moment longer, he joined his body with hers. The sound of her outcry made his desire burn even hotter, and he was soon soaring upward toward climax. He held it off, wanting, _needing_ Sam to come with him. His gaze went to her face, and he found himself transfixed by the look of rapture on it.

At that moment, Sam's eyes opened and locked upon his. The wild light of ecstasy within them broke his control, and, suddenly, he was coming. Two seconds later, Sam cried out his name and followed him into the bright abyss.

Long seconds passed before they emerged, thundering hearts gradually slowing. Their eyes met again, each of them seeing in the other a matching wonder over the power of what they'd just felt. Daniel lowered his mouth to Sam's, and she took it eagerly. It wasn't until the kiss ended that they became fully aware that they hadn't even managed to get completely undressed. Neither of them really cared, and they had no desire to move any time soon.

Daniel kissed Sam's cheek and jaw, then moved down to her neck and shoulder. One of his hands slipped between them and went to her breast. He felt the reaction in Sam's body and realized that, though it would be a while before he'd be ready again, the same was not true for Sam.

A sudden desire took hold of Daniel. Every time he made love with his wife, he had wanted her to experience as much pleasure as it was possible for him to give, and, now, he wanted to give that to Sam.

With that thought in mind, he got out of the bed, quickly dispensing with his pants and boxers. He took hold of her dress and the bra beneath it and pulled them down her hips and off. For a moment, he just looked at her, his gaze traveling over her body as she did the same to his. He then held his hand out to her, and she took it. He pulled her off the bed and led her to the bathroom, where he started the shower running.

As they stepped into the warm spray, Daniel moved around behind Sam and angled the shower head so that the water was spraying down on her body. And then, with slow and exquisite thoroughness, he proceeded to made love to her with his hands, touching her in ways that sent lightning bolts of pleasure through her body. It wasn't long before she was climaxing. Daniel watched as she came, the sight filling his heart.

He kept holding her as she came down from the high, her body trembling in reaction. He turned her around in his arms and lowered his lips to hers in a long, slow kiss. That's when she felt the first stirring of his arousal. She reached between them to that part of him, making Daniel's breath hitched in his throat.

In an amazingly short period of time, Sam had Daniel fully aroused. He lifted her up, turned around, and pressed her against the shower wall, her legs going around him. His mouth met hers in a deep kiss as their bodies joined again.

Slowly and gently they made love, each of them to feeling every part of the sensation. Sam closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the glorious feeling, the fact that it was Daniel she was with making it feel so much better than any other man ever had.

As for Daniel, he could not believe how wonderful this felt. Their first two times had been spectacular, the most intense, wildly passionate sex he'd ever had, but, this time, making love to Sam slowly and giving himself the time to really feel every exquisite second of it, was, in some ways, far better. He had believed that making love to any other woman wouldn't make him feel as good as Sha're did, but he now knew that he'd been wrong.

At last, Daniel's body reached the stage where it was demanding more. His pace quickened, the slow fire flaring brightly as his climax rushed toward him. In Daniel's mind was the thought of making this last long enough for Sam to come again, but he didn't know if he could hold out. As it turned out, he didn't have to worry, for Sam was right there with him. Her cries grew in volume, the pressure building until it suddenly detonated, sending wave after wave of rapture crashing through her body. Daniel's climax slammed into him seconds later.

"Daniel, I love you! " Sam cried out. "I love you!"

Daniel was too immersed in the wildfire blazing through him for the words to impact immediately upon his brain. As his climax ended, he slumped forward, his head resting against the shower wall, chest heaving.

The seconds ticked by as they remained unmoving. It was when Daniel's respiration had almost gone back to normal that he lifted his head and stared at Sam, surprise, wonder, amazement, and a million other things in his eyes.

"Sam?" he said questioningly. She knew what the question was.

"It's true, Daniel," she admitted. "I love you. I don't know when it happened. Maybe it started from the day I met you. I just know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life."

Daniel could not name the emotion that filled him upon hearing those words. Sam didn't just want him; she was in love with him. Another beautiful, spectacular woman had fallen in love with him. It was amazing and utterly incomprehensible. What could a fantastic woman like Sam possibly see in him?

Silently, they left the shower and dried off. Sam glanced at Daniel several times, feeling very nervous and concerned about how he was taking the news. When he looked at her and saw the expression in her eyes, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"It's okay, Sam. I'm not upset, although, to be honest, I don't know how you could feel that way about me. I'm not even close to being in your league."

"That's not true at all! How could you think that? You are a wonderful, amazing person, Daniel. One of the reasons I fell in love with you is the kind of man you are. I am most definitely not out of your league."

"Thank you. I don't agree, but thank you anyway." Daniel smiled. "You are good for my ego."

They returned to the bed and got under the covers. Daniel held an arm out to Sam.

"Come here."

With a smile, Sam closed the distance between them and rested her head on his chest. She wrapped an arm around his waist and felt his arm go around her. It felt so good to be like this with him, two lovers who had just made the most amazing love together. But was that what they really were? Daniel had wanted this, but that didn't mean that it would happen again after tonight.

Daniel's thoughts were also on what just happened, specifically on what had been revealed to him. Sam being in love with him should make him feel some trepidation since he did not feel the same, yet, for some reason, it didn't. So what _did_ it make him feel? He tried to pin it down, and it suddenly came to him. It was something that he lost the moment he found out that Sha're was dead and never coming back: hope, a hope for happiness, a hope that he could have someone in his life who would fill the void in his heart.

Daniel did not understand how he could feel that way. Whenever he thought about Sha're, he longed for her, ached for her. The sorrow over her death was still like a weight upon his heart. And yet, whenever he thought about Sam, his spirit lightened, a warm glow spreading within that same heart. The wonder and power of their lovemaking filled him so full, pushing out everything else. Even just holding and kissing her made him feel really good, as did the rapture on her face when they made love. How was it possible for him to feel both things? How could he be so in love with Sha're, yet feel so much when he was with Sam?

The thing was that, taking Sha're out of the picture, he knew that he and Sam could really have something together. Their personalities and intellects were very compatible, despite the differences in their fields of expertise. In fact, he felt a bond with her the likes of which he had never felt with anyone else. Most important of all was that he loved her. It was the love of a friend, but it was strong and deep.

But could he really do this? Wouldn't it be a betrayal of Sha're's memory to jump right into a relationship with another woman? He had believed that the act of making love to another woman so soon after her death was a betrayal, so how much more would this be one? What would Sha're think? He knew the answer even as he asked the question. With her generous and giving heart, she would want him to find whatever happiness he could. But that didn't mean it was the right thing to do.

_'I don't know what to do, Sha're,'_ he said in his mind, as if speaking to his dead wife. _'I miss you so much. I would do anything to get you back. But when I think about Sam and being with her like this, it makes me feel alive again. I think about ending it here and now and going back to just being friends, and it actually hurts. I just don't understand how I can feel that way.'_

Daniel looked at Sam. Her eyes were closed, and she looked so utterly content that it made him smile. It made him want to kiss her. Instead, he just kept holding her. In time, her breathing deepened in sleep.

With Sam's warm, soft body in his arms, Daniel lay staring at nothing as a war battled inside his mind between what it was telling him he _should_ want to do and what his heart was telling him he _did_ want to do. The minutes passed into hours as the war continued without a winner. Tiredness crept over Daniel, making his thoughts drift. The last one that passed through his mind before sleep claimed him was that perhaps the morning would bring an answer.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Daniel and Sam walked hand-in-hand down the deserted stretch of beach. Not another living creature was in sight, not even seabirds. Everything was quiet, even the waves of the ocean sounding muted.

Daniel looked down at Sam, and she gave him a smile, the bright smile of someone totally in love and totally happy. He felt that happiness fill his heart.

Suddenly, the ocean vanished, and the beach expanded, spreading out for as far as the eye could see. It grew dunes, the sand darkening to the rich gold of the desert.

"Dan'yel."

Daniel turned to see Sha're standing before him, wearing the robes of her people. He felt the warmth of Sam's hand disappear from his, and he turned to see that she was gone. Sudden anxiety filled him, and he frantically looked around for her.

"Sam!" he called.

"Do not fear, my Dan'yel. She is still there."

Daniel turned back to his wife.

"She loves you very much," she said with a gentle smile. "And you have feelings for her."

Daniel shook his head. "It's you I love, Sha're. I will always love you."

Sha're brushed her fingertips down his cheek. "I know, my husband, but what you feel for her is strong as well." She rested a hand on his breastbone. "I can see it in your heart. But you think that you need to deny what your heart wants because of me." Her eyes gazed into his. "I do not want you to sacrifice your happiness for me, Dan'yel. I am gone, but she is here. She can give you what I cannot." Sha're pointed at something over Daniel's shoulder. "Go be with her, my love. She is your future." She touched his cheek again. "I am your past."

Daniel looked over his shoulder and saw a golden-haired figure in the distance. Recognizing it as Sam, Daniel turned fully toward her and took a step forward. . . .

With a little gasp, Daniel awoke. His eyes blinked open to the sight of a mass of blonde hair so close that wisps of it were brushing against his face. He lifted his head and discovered that he was spooned with Sam, their bodies touching from head to toe. The pitch of her breathing told him that she was still asleep. The hint of sunlight creeping in through the curtains told him that it was early morning.

Daniel rested his head back on the pillow and thought about the dream. It had felt so real, as if Sha're had really been there. He went back over her words in his mind. He knew that, if the dream _had_ been real, they were words that she really would have said to him.

Daniel lifted his head again and looked down at Sam. She looked so peaceful and happy, a little smile turning up the corner of her lips. The sight made a smile curve his own lips. He placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. She stirred slightly, a little sigh of contentment rising out of her. He wondered if she was dreaming about him. It felt so good to have her there in his arms, her body fitted against his like a matching puzzle piece. If he chose to, he could have this all the time.

Very slowly so as not to awaken Sam, Daniel got out of the bed and slipped on his boxers. After relieving himself, he went into the living room. He lifted the curtain to look out the window as his thoughts went back to the subject of him and Sam. It was quite a while before he let the curtain fall back to cover the window. He returned to the bedroom and stared at Sam's sleeping form for a very long time. He then quietly got dressed and left the room.

* * *

><p>Sam awoke from sleep with a little start. For a moment, confusion filled her mind, then all the memories of last night returned. She rolled onto her back to find the other side of the bed empty. The lack of Daniel's presence filled her with dread. Did he regret what happened? Was that why he left the bed?<p>

The more Sam thought about it, the more positive she became that Daniel had decided that it was a mistake, and they had to put a stop to it. She could accept that. She could! She had known what she was getting into, including the possibility that their second time would be the last time. And what they'd already shared was far more than she'd ever have allowed herself to hope for before yesterday. She would treasure the memories for the rest of her life.

All of Sam's words to herself did no good. It still hurt, and there was no use in denying that. She got out of bed and put on her clothes. She then just stood before the closed door, summing up the courage to go out and face him.

After taking a deep, steadying breath, Sam opened the door and stepped out of the bedroom. Her eyes fell upon Daniel, who was at the dining table, staring quite intently into a cup of coffee.

"Um . . . hi."

Looking a little startled, Daniel lifted his head and stared at her.

"Hi. I didn't hear you get up."

Sam approached him, her trepidation building. "How long have you been up?"

"Around an hour or so. I've . . . been doing a lot of thinking."

Sam's gaze fell to the floor. Here they came, the words she didn't want to hear.

"You don't have to say it, Daniel," she suddenly blurted out. "I know that you're not going to want this to continue. I understand. Really I do. It's o—"

"Sam, stop," Daniel interrupted, getting to his feet. He walked up to her and took hold of her shoulders. "Is that what you think I was going to tell you?"

Sam was staring at his chest. "Yes."

Daniel gently took hold of her chin and lifted her head up so that he could meet her eyes. "Well, it's not."

Sam blinked in surprise. "It's not?"

"No. I don't want to end it, Sam."

"You don't?"

"I was thinking about it. I laid awake for hours thinking about what I believed I should do and what I really wanted to do. I don't know what time it was when I finally got to sleep. And then I had a dream. You were in it, and so was Sha're. She told me what my heart has been saying for a while now. I just didn't want to listen to it. I finally decided to do so." Daniel looked into Sam's eyes intently. "I want to be with you, Sam, and I don't just mean sex."

Sam's heart rate quickened. "Daniel, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I want us to have a relationship, a _real_ relationship."

Sam was so shocked that she just stood there, gaping at him.

"I know what you're thinking. This surprises me as much as it does you. After all the thought I put into it, I still don't understand it. Yet I can't deny that it's what I really want." He brushed his thumb across her lips. "Sam, I love you, not the same way that you love me, but I love you very much, and I want us to be a couple. I think we could make it work." He searched her eyes again. "But this has to be your choice, Sam. Is what I can give you enough for you?"

Sam really thought about it. Could she accept what Daniel was willing to give her and need nothing more? She would always _want_ more. She wanted him to love her like she loved him. But wanting and needing were not the same thing, and the need to have what he was offering her was growing stronger by the moment. All she had to do for it to be hers was say one word.

Sam took a deep breath and spoke the word. "Yes."

Daniel lowered his mouth to Sam's in a kiss. It soon grew deep and possessive, the kiss of lovers claiming each other. It went on for quite some time.

As they separated, Sam met Daniel's eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he responded, and though she knew that he was not talking about the same kind of love, it still made her feel good. What made her feel even better, though, was the smile he gave her. It was a happy smile, one that lit up his eyes. She hadn't seen him smile like that in a very long time.

Sam glided a fingertip over his lips. "I like seeing that."

"What?"

"You smiling, _really_ smiling. It's been too long since I saw it last."

"I guess I haven't had a lot of reasons to smile until now."

"Well, I intend to change that."

He gave her another smile, then pressed a second kiss to her lips.

"I am assuming that you're not going to work today," he said.

"Are you kidding? I'd have to have a hole in my head to even _think_ about going to work. The three of us took a week's leave, and I intend to spend every day of the rest of mine with you."

Daniel grinned. "I was thinking the same thing."

"Mmm. Well, you know what they say."

"Great minds think alike," the two of them said at the same time. They then laughed.

After taking care of business in the bathroom, Sam joined Daniel in the kitchen, where they fixed breakfast. Just the simple act of fixing the morning meal with him made Sam feel happy.

They had just finished eating when Daniel's phone rang. Caller ID told him that it was Jack.

"Good morning, Jack."

"Hello. And how are you this fine morning?"

Daniel shot a look at Sam. "Um, all right," he said as he was thinking something else entirely. "So what's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought we could get together for breakfast."

"Oh. I've already eaten. Sorry."

"Ah. How about lunch, then?" Jack asked.

Daniel looked at Sam. So much for spending the whole day with her.

"Um, I suppose we could do that. Is there some particular reason why you want to get together today?"

"Nope, just thought it would be nice. If you go off and leave us for new pastures, we're not gonna get to see you very often, you know."

The picture was now becoming clear to Daniel.

"I see," he said. "How about if we meet at Manny's Diner at one?"

"Sounds good. See you then."

Daniel disconnected the call and looked at Sam. "I am meeting Jack for lunch so that he can try to make me change my mind about leaving."

Sam blinked and stared at him. "He actually said that?"

"No, but what he did say led me to believe that. So let me guess. The plan was to spend the next two weeks doing everything in your power to get me to stay."

"Well, I wouldn't say that it was an actual plan. We didn't sit around the table and come up with a strategy." Sam searched Daniel's eyes. "Speaking of the move, I'm assuming that it's been cancelled."

"You assume correctly. I wasn't planning on this being a long distance relationship."

Sam smiled brightly. "That's great. I am so relieved. The colonel and Teal'c will be, too."

"Yes, but I don't plan on telling them right away. Jack would want to know why I so suddenly and quickly changed my mind."

"Yes, you're right about that. How long will you wait?"

"I'm thinking the full two weeks."

"Really? That's a long time to pretend that you're still considering moving."

Daniel thought about it. "True. And I'd have to put up with Jack thinking up all kinds of reasons why I should stay. You'll be going back to work on Tuesday, right?"

"Yes, but I don't know if the colonel will take all his leave time, too."

"Quite frankly, I'm hoping he doesn't. If he's at home with nothing to do, he's going to be calling me repeatedly and showing up here out of the blue, and that's going to mess up our plans of spending the rest of your leave time together."

"Well, you could always tell him to leave you alone."

"Yes, I could do that. I may have to. Anyway, what I was going to say is that I could invite all of you guys over on Monday night to give you the big announcement that I've decided to stay."

Sam nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me."

"I also think that it might be wise to spend the rest of the days at your place just in case Jack gets the idea to show up here unannounced."

"Good idea," Sam said, very much liking the thought of getting Daniel into her bed, something she'd been dreaming about for a long time.

The new lovers spent the rest of the morning on the couch in quiet conversation. Sam loved every minute of it. One thing was for sure. Communication would not be an issue in this relationship, unlike some others she'd been in. Now that they were a couple, Daniel was opening up like he never had before.

The one thing they did not talk about was Sha're. Daniel did not volunteer anything, and Sam was not about to ask.

Sam left at noon, telling Daniel that she'd see him at her place. Jack was already at the diner when the archeologist got there at one. They spent the first several minutes looking through the menu and placing their orders. The waitress had been gone for perhaps thirty seconds when Jack began to speak.

"You know, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this whole thing, and I think there's something you should consid—"

"Stop right there, Jack," Daniel interrupted. "I know what you're going to say."

Irritated, Jack glared at him. "How could you possibly know what I was going to say? Did you pick up mind-reading skills somewhere?"

"Okay, so I don't know _exactly_ what you were going to say, but I know what the subject was. It was going to be some argument on why I shouldn't leave."

Jack paused. "Okay, so you got me there."

"Jack, you asked me to put another two weeks of thought into my decision, and I said that I would, but you have to let me come to that decision alone, no pestering, no thoughts for me to consider, no trying to make me change my mind."

"I just believe that you're not thinking everything through, Daniel."

"You may be right, but it's still my decision to make. So, right here, right now, you are going to agree not to talk about it with me anymore."

It took a long time for Jack to finally agree, and it was obvious that he was not happy about it.

"So is that the only reason why you wanted to meet with me?" Daniel asked.

"Well, kind of." Jack then added, "Not that I don't enjoy your dazzling company."

The two men spent the rest of their time together talking about this and that. Using the 'code speak' that they had developed for times when they were out in public, Jack told Daniel about a few things that were going on at the SGC and on some of the off-world missions.

"So, any plans for tonight?" Jack asked as they walked out of the diner.

"Um, yes, actually."

"Oh? Anything I might find interesting?"

_'Oh, Jack. If you only knew,'_ Daniel silently replied. Aloud, he said, "I doubt it."

Jack waited for the archeologist to elaborate, but Daniel said nothing more. Wondering why the man was being so secretive, Jack said, "Well, maybe we can get together again sometime on Sunday."

"Sure. Perhaps we can all do something together."

"Yeah, that would be good. I'll call you tomorrow evening, and we can make plans."

"Okay. Talk to you later."

After packing a bag, Daniel headed over to Sam's house.

"So, were you right about the colonel's reason for meeting with you?" the astrophysicist asked.

"Yep. I shut him down right away and extracted a promise that he'd leave me be. Oh, we are all going to get together sometime on Sunday."

"We are?"

"Yes. It was either that or just me and Jack again. He'll be giving me a call Saturday evening to discuss it, so I'll need to be home to receive the call."

"Does this mean that you don't have to worry about him making any unplanned visits or calls?"

"Yes, I believe so, although, with Jack, you never know, which is why it would be best to stay here."

Sam grinned. "I agree. Hopefully, though, he'll leave you alone." She wrapped her arms around Daniel's neck. "I have plans for you."

Daniel put his arms around her waist. "You do, huh."

"Most definitely," she confirmed before taking Daniel's mouth with hers.

* * *

><p>The "plans" included quite a bit of time spent in bed. That evening, they went out to dinner, and there was no denying that it was a date. Sam looked stunning, something that Daniel told her several times. He had always recognized that she was a very attractive woman, but she seemed so much more so to him now.<p>

After dinner, they went for a long walk in a deserted park. They'd been walking for several minutes when Daniel said, "Sooner or later, we're going to have to tell Jack and Teal'c about us."

"Yes, I know."

Daniel paused for a long moment before speaking the next words. "They're going to think we're making a mistake."

Sam sighed. "You're probably right." The truth was that she was dreading the moment they'd have to tell Jack. She could just imagine the things he'd think and say. At that moment, she was actually glad that Daniel was no longer on SG-1. It would make the whole situation ten times worse if he was.

Having felt Sam tense up, Daniel stopped and turned to face her. "Sam, nothing that Jack nor anyone else thinks or says is going to change my mind about this. I want this, and I know that you do, too. That's all that matters to me."

Sam felt her dread ease. She pulled him into a tight hug. They then resumed walking.

"I think we should wait for a while before telling them," Daniel said.

"I agree."

A few more quiet minutes passed. It was again Daniel who broke the silence.

"The day before you guys arrived at the cabin, I went for a hike. The trail I chose turned out to be much steeper than I had anticipated. When it turned into an actual climb, I decided to turn around and go back. My foot slipped, and I fell. I managed to stop my fall by grabbing onto a bush, but in those scary seconds when I was falling, the thought of dying flashed through my head. It made me see that, even with everything that had happened, my will to live was still as strong as ever. That's when I knew I was going to be all right."

Sam studied his profile. "How are you doing, Daniel? I want an honest answer."

Daniel thought about it before replying. "I've reached the stage now where I try not to think about it. I fill my mind with other things. I know a lot of psychologists would say that's the wrong thing to do, that you need to confront and work through a problem in order to resolve it."

"But it hurts too much to do that," Sam finished.

"Yeah."

Sam nodded. "After my mother died, I tried really hard not to think about it because, every time I did, I felt so horribly sad and lonely. Mom was my confidant, and, without her, I felt like I had no one to talk to. And what made it so much worse was that I blamed Dad for her death. It was more than a year before I stopped the avoidance, although, even after that, it really hurt to think about Mom being dead." She looked up at the archeologist. "So I do understand, Daniel."

Daniel stopped again and gathered Sam back in his arms. He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, as did Sam. They just stood there silently for a long moment. Sam was the first to open her eyes. When she did, she saw a lone tear slide down Daniel's cheek.

"Oh, Daniel," she murmured. She drew him closer, guiding his head down onto her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair soothingly. It was not long before he lifted his head and wiped away the few tears that had fallen.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Daniel, you have nothing to apologize for. Do you think that, just because we're in a relationship now, I expect you to hide your grief over Sha're? If so, then you can get that right out of your head. I know you're still hurting, Daniel, and I don't want you to hide that from me."

Daniel gazed into her eyes. Then he cupped her face in his hands and softly kissed her. The smile he gave her expressed his gratitude.

"You make it better," he told her. "Sometimes, it still hurts so much, but then I think about you, about what we share now, and the pain fades. You make me feel like . . . like there are things to really look forward to, like I can be happy again." He looked at her intently. "I don't feel alone anymore."

Overjoyed by his words, Sam pressed her lips against his, then smiled into his eyes.

"You have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel," she said.

"Come on," Daniel said. "Let's go home."

Liking the fact that he'd referred to her place as home, Sam walked with him back to his car.

That night, they made love very slowly, learning how to bring each other the most pleasure. They fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms and woke up the next morning the same way.

Sam was busy blow-drying her hair after her shower when Daniel came into the bedroom. When she saw him, she turned the blow dryer off and set it down. He walked up to where she stood before the full length mirror and put his arms around her from behind. Their eyes met in the mirror. His hand came up and caressed her cheek. Her eyes closed with pleasure at the touch. She felt him place a kiss on the other cheek. Then he nuzzled her neck, placing a kiss there as well. It felt so good, so perfect.

"I wish it could be just the two of us for the whole weekend," he murmured.

"Me too."

Daniel released the top button of Sam's blouse and pushed it and bra strap off her right shoulder. He then began pressing kisses all the way from her neck to the tip of her shoulder. He wanted to strip off her clothes and kiss her everywhere. The only other woman he'd ever felt this powerful an attraction to was Sha're. Again, he wondered how these feelings could have grown so quickly, but, this time, he chose not to think about it. Instead, he turned Sam around and pulled her into a deep kiss. Their hands began gliding over each other's bodies, not enough to elicit arousal but enough to make them both feel the potential.

"This feels good," Daniel murmured.

"Mmm. Very good." Sam took Daniel's mouth again, finding that she was already addicted to it. She could kiss him forever.

Their tongues played, teasing and exploring with the curiosity of new lovers. At one point, they just stood there, open mouths hovering mere millimeters apart.

"I have to say that you are one hell of a kisser, Doctor Jackson," Sam said.

"Likewise, Major Carter."

Daniel gave her a final kiss, then left the bedroom. Sam turned back to the mirror and studied her reflection, seeing the heightened color of her cheeks and the bright sparkle in her eyes. She felt so alive. Was this how Daniel had been with Sha're? Had he made her feel this way?

That thought led to others, ones that dimmed her positive feelings. What if Daniel's desire to be with her was nothing more than a reaction to his grief over the loss of Sha're? When the grief faded, would that desire also fade? Was this some kind of rebound thing?

Not wanting to think about that, Sam resumed drying her hair.

Over breakfast, the couple talked about how they should spend the day. In the end, they decided to take a trip to the Garden of the Gods, a place neither of them had been to in quite a while.

They spent hours wandering down the paths winding through the natural beauty of the place. When their arms weren't about each other, they were holding hands. Anyone watching them would be positive that they were madly in love.

After leaving the park, they went to a matinee. Daniel left the choice of movies up to Sam, and she picked a romantic comedy. Afterwards, they returned to Sam's place.

"Well, I guess I'd better get home," Daniel said. "I'm not sure what time Jack's going to call."

Sam nodded. She pulled Daniel into an embrace and kissed him. "I'm going to miss having you in my bed tonight."

"I'm going to miss being there."

They kissed again, then Daniel gathered up his things.

As the archeologist stepped into his apartment a while later, he was struck by the feeling of emptiness again. Before, it had been because of Sha're's death and his subsequent loneliness. This time it was because, after spending virtually every hour of the day and night in Sam's company, he'd gotten used to being with her. He'd really enjoyed that time with her, and he was looking forward to more of the same.

For the first time in quite a while, Daniel's more logical self spoke up and wondered if this could really keep going. He could not deny the things that Sam made him feel, but would those feelings last? He didn't want to think about the possibility that these new emotions would someday fade, leaving him only with the grief and guilt, the feelings that were still there every time he thought about Sha're and the fact that he'd never see her again.

The call from Jack came shortly after dinner. The two men discussed things for a while and decided that a trip to Denver sounded good.

"Of course, Carter may already have plans for the day," Jack said.

"No, she doesn't. I already talked to her."

"Good. Obviously, Teal'c has no plans. How that man keeps from being bored is something I'll never know. I'll give him a jingle and let him know about our plans. You'll call Carter?"

"Yeah."

After hanging up with Jack, Daniel placed the call to Sam and told her what had been decided.

"Sounds like fun," she said. She then smiled. "So, do you think the colonel will manage to make it through the whole day without breaking his agreement not to pester you about the move?"

"That I don't know. It'll be interesting to see."

Sam paused. "I've been thinking."

"About what?"

"There really is no reason why we have to spend tonight alone. I could come over to your place."

"The problem is that Jack's going to be picking both of us up so that we can all go in one car."

"Then I'll just have to leave early."

Daniel didn't have to think about it for long. "Okay."

"Great! I'll throw some things in a bag and be right over."

She arrived half an hour later. They spent what was left of the evening watching TV.

That night, Daniel and Sam were content just to be in each other's arms. Daniel was the first one to fall asleep, and Sam spent a long time just watching him, marveling over how her life had changed. She wanted to soak all this happiness up into her soul and never let it go. Deep down inside, she knew that this thing with Daniel might not last forever, but she was going to cling to it for as long as she could.

With her thoughts on what the days ahead with Daniel would bring, Sam drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>I should imagine that some of you believe what Daniel and Sam are doing is somewhat out of character. I am, however, basing their decisions on things that actually happened in the series. In Past and Present, Daniel became extremely attracted to Ke'ra even though not much time had passed since Sha're's death. If it had not turned out that she was actually Linea, I suspect that he would have gotten into a relationship with her. Though I have doubts that the relationship would have lasted long, this episode showed that it was not against his nature to do something like that. As for Sam, the whole thing with Pete shows that she will leap into a relationship with someone even though wisdom might recommend otherwise. Sam really hadn't resolved the issue with Jack and apparently still felt things for him all the time that she was dating then engaged to Pete, yet she kept right on going forward with the relationship, determined that she was going to make it work no matter what. The above examples make me believe that what is now happening in this story is not really all that far-fetched.<p>

I will be on vacation for a while, and I haven't had time to do any writing, so it's going to be at least a couple of weeks before the next chapter is posted, probably longer.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

"If I had known that I was going to be in such need of acting skills, I'd have taken Theater in college," Daniel murmured.

"Yeah, me too," muttered Sam.

Their lament over not having any formal training in acting was a result of the situation they were in. From the moment that Jack and Teal'c picked them up this morning, the two lovers had been trying to pretend that they were still nothing more than friends . . . and it wasn't easy. That morning, they'd both agreed that the best thing to do would be to completely avoid touching each other. However, even that was proving to be a challenge.

Presently, Daniel and Sam were alone, Jack and Teal'c having gone to the men's room. They were sitting on opposite sides of a table in one of the Denver Art Museum's eating places. Jack had left the choice of where they'd go on their outing up to Daniel, and it was no surprise to anyone that he picked the museum.

"You know, this really shouldn't be so hard," Daniel said. "After all, we were just friends for over two years."

"I know. And what's even more pathetic is that, throughout all that time, I was able to successfully pretend that I didn't have any feelings except friendship for you. I'm not saying that it was always easy, but it wasn't as hard as it's been today."

"I guess that's because you now know what it's like to be more than friends with me."

"Yeah."

Daniel toyed with the stirring stick in his cup of coffee. "Well, at least Jack's behaving himself and not pestering me about the move."

Sam smiled. "Yes, I've been quite impressed about that. There were a couple of times when I was sure he was going to say something."

"Yes, me too." Daniel grew a smile of his own. "I think he bit his tongue to stop himself."

Sam laughed. "It's a really good thing you decided not to draw this out for the full two weeks. I doubt that he could have held his tongue that long . . . even if he did keep biting it."

That made Daniel laugh. It was at that moment that Jack and Teal'c returned.

"Now that's a pleasant sound to the ears," the colonel said, having heard the laugh. "Having fun, Daniel?"

"Yes, it has been a very nice day so far."

"Good. I'm glad. We really do need to do stuff like this together more often."

Daniel shared an amused look with Sam. Though the comment hadn't been an outright request for the archeologist to remain in Colorado, in order for them to go on more outings like this, it would obviously be necessary for him to stay.

"So, shall we continue?" Jack asked.

Daniel nodded. He took the last couple of swallows of coffee and threw the cup away, then they resumed their tour of the museum. It was definitely not the place that Jack would have chosen for their day together, and, at times, he was downright bored, but since the whole purpose of this day was to help persuade Daniel not to leave Colorado, it made sense to do things that he'd enjoy. So if that meant that Jack had to be bored for a while, so be it.

Jack had to admit that he was happy with what he'd seen so far in his best friend's attitude. Daniel was in good spirits. Even better, he was quite talkative. Now, normally, Jack wouldn't be glad about that. He got his fill of Daniel's loquaciousness during briefings and missions, but a talkative Daniel was a Daniel who wasn't stuck in his own deep, dark thoughts, and that was a good thing.

Most of Daniel's talking had been about the museum exhibits, imparting tidbits of knowledge and, sometimes, a lot more than just tidbits. Several times, Jack had noticed other people listening in while the archeologist explained this or that about something.

Jack had been exercising all his will power to abide by Daniel's command not to attempt to change his mind about moving away. Teal'c knew about the agreement, having been told about it by Jack. The Jaffa said that he understood Daniel's desire and would abide by the archeologist's wishes. Jack had to wonder if Daniel had told Sam about it. She hadn't made even one remark about the move.

Actually, thinking about it, Sam had been acting awfully chipper today. He'd seen her smiling several times. The way she was acting, you'd never guess that one of her best friends might soon be going away. Perhaps she was just trying her best to enjoy this day as much as possible just in case it was the last time they'd get to do anything like this with Daniel.

Once Daniel was satisfied that they'd seen absolutely everything there was to see, he and the three members of SG-1 left the museum.

"So what's next?" Jack asked as they got into his jeep.

Daniel looked at him. "Next? Don't forget that it'll take a while to get home, Jack. Or is your plan for us to be getting home at midnight?"

"Well, no, I wasn't thinking quite that late, but none of us have to get up early, so there's nothing preventing us from making a full day of it."

"I guess you do have a point." Daniel glanced at his watch. "All the other museums would be closed now, so I don't have any suggestions."

Jack smiled. "Well, in that case, I do." He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. He took them to a bar and restaurant that reminded Daniel of O'Malley's in Colorado Springs.

After enjoying a tasty dinner, the four friends moved into the bar. Since Teal'c never drank alcohol anyway, he was automatically made the designated driver, which left the others free to imbibe their beverages of choice.

As he sipped on his drink, Daniel had the pleasure of watching Sam beat the pants off every man who played against her at pool. Jack, who was smart enough not to challenge her, was playing at another table, trying to teach Teal'c how to play, which was a lot more amusing than Daniel would have thought it would be.

"You're not playing?"

Daniel turned to see that a pretty, dark-haired woman had come up to him.

"No. I don't know how, and I'm sure that I'd be terrible at it."

The woman nodded. "I tried it once, but I gave up after I kept sinking the eight ball." She held her hand out to him. "I'm Lila."

Daniel shook her hand. "Daniel."

"Nice to meet you, Daniel. I'm here with a couple of my friends. Would you like to join us?"

Daniel looked over at the table she'd pointed to and saw two other woman. They smiled at him invitingly.

"Um . . . thank you very much for the invitation, Lila, but I'm here with friends, too."

Now it was Lila who was smiling invitingly. "I'm sure they won't mind."

Unbeknownst to Daniel, Sam, who had just finished trouncing her latest opponent, was watching. Even though she couldn't hear the conversation, the body language of the woman who was talking to Daniel made it quite clear what she wanted.

Sam felt jealousy rear up inside her. The woman's coloring was very much like Sha're's, and, also like Sha're, she was very well endowed. Did Daniel find her beautiful?

Sam tried not to be jealous, but she couldn't help it. She and Daniel might be in a relationship, but it was not based upon love, not on his part. Some woman could come walking into his life whom he'd fall head over heels for. It could be that woman right there.

That thought made Sam's mood plummet. She was about to turn away when Daniel's head turned to her, and there was no mistaking the look on his face. Her ex-teammate was in need of rescuing.

Sam walked up to Daniel and wrapped her arm around his, her eyes fastening upon the woman hitting on him.

"Hello," she said sweetly.

With a feeling of relief, Daniel said, "Lila, this is Sam, my . . . girlfriend."

Lila's smile had disappeared. "Oh. Um . . . hi."

Daniel returned his gaze to Sam. In his eyes the astrophysicist could see a look of gratitude. "Are you ready for another drink, honey?"

"Yes, I was just thinking about that."

Daniel turned back to Lila. "Thank you for the invitation, Lila, but I think I'll stick with Sam and my friends."

"Uh, yes, of course." Lila turned around and went back to her friends.

"Thank you," Daniel murmured to Sam. "I never quite know what to say when something like that happens."

"Most single guys would have taken her up on the invitation."

Daniel detected a very slight edge to Sam's voice. "Sam, were you jealous?"

"No, of course not," the major instantly replied.

The archeologist kept staring at her. He glanced toward Jack to see that the man was totally engrossed in watching Teal'c attempt to sink his first ball. Taking Sam's hand, Daniel led her toward the restrooms. There was a wall separating the area from the rest of the bar, affording a little corner of privacy. The moment they were behind the wall, Daniel took Sam's face in his hands and proceeded to kiss her breathless. Sam moaned and held on for dear life.

"You have no reason to be jealous, Sam," he told her when their lips separated. "Yes, she was pretty, but I wasn't the least bit interested in her. I am in a relationship with _you_, Sam. It might be a rather unorthodox relationship, but I am committed to it." He gazed into her eyes intently. "Do you believe me?"

Sam answered by pulling Daniel's mouth back down to hers in a deep kiss.

"You don't know how much I wish we could leave right now," Daniel whispered against her lips.

"Oh, yes, I do."

Daniel grinned. "I could pretend to get an upset stomach."

Sam also grinned. "Yes, you could do that."

"But then Jack would buy me a club soda, and I hate club soda. What time is it anyway?" He looked at his watch and saw that it was after nine. "How about if we stick it out for another half-hour?"

"I can survive that, although the drive home will be hell."

As Sam went off to the ladies room, Daniel did likewise to the men's room, where he relieved himself, then wiped off the traces of Sam's lipstick. He then joined Jack and Teal'c, seeing that the Jaffa had succeeded in sinking three balls so far.

"Hey, where'd you go off to?" Jack asked. "Where's Carter?"

"In the ladies room. I was in the men's room."

Jack grinned. "Escaping the looker who was hitting on you?"

Startled, Daniel stared at him. "You saw that?" He was worried about what else the colonel might have seen.

"Yep. She and her two girlfriends had been eyeing you for the past hour. I figured that one of them would approach you sooner or later."

"Oh. I didn't notice."

"No surprise there."

Daniel paused before saying, "No, I did not run off to the bathroom to escape her. I didn't have to. Sam rescued me."

"Did she? Well, good. Even _ex_-teammates need to come to the aid of each other on occasion."

Daniel nodded, feeling relieved. Apparently, Jack had not seen Sam rescue him from Lila.

"Are we going to leave soon?" he asked. "I would still like to get home before midnight."

"Sure. We can go as soon as I finish Teal'c's lesson."

The "lesson" lasted another thirty-five minutes. On the way home, the four friends chatted quietly, though Daniel did more listening than talking. Though, yesterday, he had been wishing that he could spend the day alone with Sam, he was now happy that they'd done this. He really did have a good time. It had been good to connect with his former teammates like this.

Sam was dropped off at her place first, then Teal'c drove to Daniel's. The archeologist got out of the car and looked in through the open window at Jack, who was in the front passenger seat.

"Thanks for the day out," Daniel said. "It was fun."

"Well, I'm glad that you had a good time, Daniel," Jack responded. "Maybe, next time, we can go to the Air and Space Museum. Now _that's_ my kind of museum."

Daniel hid his smile at the man's suggestion.

"We'll see," he said.

Figuring that he'd better go before Jack totally blew his agreement not to talk about the move, Daniel wished the two men good night, then went up to his apartment. He immediately got on the phone.

"They're gone," he told Sam.

"I'll be right over."

Three minutes after Sam came in the door, the two of them were naked and on the bed, passion and need making their movements almost frantic. Sam rolled on top of Daniel, and their bodies came together.

In fascination, Daniel watched Sam as they made love. She looked so beautiful, her face and body flushed with passion. This was not Sam the scientist or Sam the Air Force major. It was Sam the woman, a woman who made him feel so alive every time he made love to her. Sitting up, he grabbed her head and took her mouth in a hard kiss as their rhythm increased in speed. They rapidly climbed the peak together.

Feeling himself ready to fall over the edge and sensing that Sam was as well, Daniel took hold of her head and met her eyes. With their gazes locked together, they came simultaneously in a wildly intense climax.

They held each other as they came down from the high. Once their breathing had slowed, they claimed each other's mouths possessively.

"You are amazing," Daniel murmured.

"So are you. You make me feel so incredible, Daniel."

The archeologist stared into her eyes. "I don't ever want you to think that you have a reason to be jealous, Sam. I meant what I said before. I am committed to this relationship."

"I know you meant it, Daniel." Sam's eyes dropped from his.

"But? I can tell that something is on your mind."

Sam gathered her courage and spoke her thoughts. "You loved Sha're so much, and I know that being with her made you happy." She met his eyes. "That's the way I feel about you, and nothing would make me happier than to be like this with you for the rest of my life. But if . . . but if you ever met someone you thought you could feel that way about, I wouldn't expect you to stay with—"

Sam's voice was halted by Daniel's fingers on her lips.

"Sam, I can't say what the future is going to bring," he said, "but I don't want you to look at every woman I meet and wonder if she's going to steal me away from you. I cannot imagine myself with any woman alive except you, and I don't think that's going to be changing any time soon. What we have, it may not make me happy in exactly the same way as being with Sha're did, but it _does_ make me happy. I love this." He brushed his hand down her arm. "I love being with you. I love making love to you. I love waking up with you beside me. So no more worrying about other women, okay?"

Sam smiled, a hint of tears in her eyes. "Okay."

After using the bathroom, they crawled into bed. Daniel spooned behind Sam, curving his body tight against hers. One of his hands gently cupped her breast, a gesture of possession. Sam smiled softly, very much wanting to be possessed by him. The independent woman in her railed at the thought, but the woman in love didn't care.

Sam's hand came to rest over the one he had on her breast. She then closed her eyes and, with a feeling of contentment, drifted away into sleep.

* * *

><p>Sam looked up from her bowl of cereal to study the man sitting across from her.<p>

"When are you going to invite Teal'c and the colonel over so that you can give them the news that you're not moving?" she asked.

"I was thinking of calling them around four o'clock. I plan on fixing spaghetti for dinner."

"Sounds good. I guess I'll be making use of my acting skills again when I pretend to be surprised about your decision to remain in Colorado Springs."

"That should be a piece of cake compared to yesterday."

This being her last day of leave, Sam wanted to spend as much of it as possible with Daniel, so she was still there when he made the call to her C.O. at four p.m.

"Hey, Jack. I was wondering if you guys might like to come over to my place for dinner tonight, sort of a thank-you for yesterday."

"Sure. What time?"

"Seven?"

"Sounds good to me. Would you like me to let Teal'c know?"

"Yeah, thanks. I'll call Sam."

"Okay. See you at seven, then."

Daniel hung up and turned to Sam. "All set. I do need to go grocery shopping, though."

"I'll go on home, then. I really need to get some housework done anyway."

"Okay." Daniel gave her a kiss. "See you tonight."

It was no surprise that Sam was the first one to arrive at Daniel's that evening. In fact, she was a full twenty minutes early. She helped him with the last minute stuff in the kitchen and was busy setting the table when Jack and Teal'c arrived five minutes early.

Everyone enjoyed the meal, the conversation remaining light. They were in the living room, eating slices of the Dutch apple pie Daniel purchased, when the archeologist set down his plate and looked at his ex-teammates, a serious expression on his face.

"I've made a decision," he announced. "Jack, I know you wanted me to think about it for two weeks, but I already know what I want to do."

Jack's expression showed how unhappy he was. "Daniel, come on. We agreed on two weeks. Can't you just put a little more thought into it?"

Daniel stared at him. "So, you want me to wait another eight days before telling you that I've decided to stay?"

Jack blinked. "You . . . what?"

"I've decided to stay."

"Daniel, that's wonderful!" Sam exclaimed, doing a good job of playing the delightfully surprised friend.

"Indeed," Teal'c said, looking pleased.

"Why you little jerk," Jack said. "You deliberately worded it so that I'd think you went ahead and decided to leave."

Daniel kept his face completely straight. "Did I?"

"I should punch you for that. Instead, I'll just echo Carter and Teal'c's sentiments. I am delighted that you changed your mind. I'd say that it calls for a celebration, but since we're already eating pie, I'll just get back to doing that."

Jack did that very thing, a smile on his lips. The others did so as well.

"Now that you have chosen to remain in Colorado Springs, what are your plans for obtaining employment, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked after a moment.

"That's a good question. There aren't all that many job opportunities around here for someone with my qualifications. There would be more in Denver, but I'd hate the long commute."

"Well, I know of one job that would fit your qualifications perfectly," Jack told him. "Your old one back at the SGC."

Daniel stared down at the floor. "I still don't feel like I could continue traveling through the gate on missions, Jack."

"But you wouldn't have to, Daniel," Sam said. "We would all love for you to come back to SG-1, but just you coming back to the SGC would be great." She looked at Jack. "Isn't that right, sir?"

He nodded. "I'd definitely prefer you back on the team, but having you there just as a consultant would be a hell of a lot better than not having you in the program at all."

"We have missed your presence there," Teal'c stated.

Daniel lifted his head. "I'll think about it."

"Good," Jack said. "You do that."

Jack and Teal'c left a while later, Sam saying that she was going to stay and help wash the dishes. She and Daniel hadn't been at the dish-washing for very long when the major let out a laugh.

"That was just plain cruel, what you did to the colonel."

A tiny smile curved Daniel's lips. "I suppose it was, but I couldn't help myself."

"I was fighting to keep a straight face when you said that." Sam looked down at the soapy water. "You know, what we said about you rejoining the program is true. You could come back just as a consultant."

"I know, Sam. I will think about it. I promise."

Though Sam would have loved to spend another night with Daniel, she figured that it would be best if she went home since she'd be getting up early.

"I am going to miss being with you every day," she said from within the circle of Daniel's arms. They were standing at the door after having shared a very long kiss.

"Likewise. I'd say that you could come over in the evenings, but the problem is that I never know when Jack's going to drop by unexpectedly."

"You could come over to my place."

"I could, but then I'd want to spend the night, and you need to get up early on work days."

"That's okay. We can make it work. There wouldn't be anything preventing you from letting yourself out after I've gone to work. You should still have a key. You made a copy so that you could feed Schrodinger while I was recuperating from that unplanned trip to Antarctica."

Daniel thought about it. "Okay, how about if I come over every other evening, starting Wednesday?"

"That'll work. What about the weekend?"

Daniel smiled. "Well, since I'll be waking up there Saturday morning, I suppose I could hang around for the rest of the day."

Sam tightened her arms around him. "Mmm. Just what I was thinking."

They shared another long kiss, then Sam reluctantly headed for home.

Neither of them had spoken again about telling Jack and Teal'c about their relationship. Sam knew that it was something they'd have to do eventually, but she really wasn't looking forward to it. On the other hand, it would mean that they'd no longer have to sneak around behind everyone's back. They could freely spend as much time together as they wanted.

On Wednesday, she and Daniel would have to talk about this and decide what to do.

* * *

><p>Sam laid her head on Daniel's shoulder, her eyes on the TV screen. They were cuddled up on the couch together, watching a movie.<p>

It had been nine days since Daniel let Jack and Teal'c know that he'd decided to remain in Colorado Springs, twelve days since he told Sam that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. They had been twelve of the happiest days of Sam's life. They'd continued their schedule of getting together every other evening and spending one weekend day together. The one problem was that, on the work day mornings that Daniel was sharing her bed, she really didn't want to leave. There was a time when Sam loved going off to work and couldn't think of anything she'd rather do, but that was most definitely in the past.

Sam had feared that Daniel would grow tired of spending so much time with her, but he seemed to enjoy every minute they were together. As for Sam, she eagerly looked forward to their times together. Regardless of whether they made love or simply slept together, each night with him was wonderful.

Daniel had turned out to be the perfect boyfriend, romantic and attentive. One evening, he surprised her with a dozen roses. On another, he presented her with a little box that contained a lovely charm bracelet, each of the charms being a cat posed in a different position. They'd gone on two more dates. For a man who wasn't even in love with her, he was more loving and giving of himself than any other boyfriend Sam had ever had. Sometimes, she felt like pinching herself to make sure it was all real.

The couple had yet to tell Jack and Teal'c about their relationship. The truth was that they were putting it off. They were dreading the reaction, especially from Jack. They knew that they couldn't put it off forever. As it was, there had been a couple of close calls. Sam and Daniel were together one Saturday at his place when Jack showed up out of the blue. Thankfully, they were both fully clothed and came up with the explanation that the two of them were planning on going to see a movie together. Jack invited himself along, which was a problem because there weren't actually any movies playing that the couple wanted to see. They settled on an action flick. The other close call was far worse. That time, the lovers were most definitely _not_ fully clothed. In fact, they'd just finished having sex against Daniel's bedroom wall when Jack's knock on the front door startled them. Daniel had to quickly throw on some clothes, and Sam had to hide in the bedroom while the archeologist got himself out of spending the evening with Jack at O'Malley's. After that incident, the couple decided that it was far too risky to spend any time together at Daniel's place.

The movie ended, and Sam went to use the bathroom. When she came back out, Daniel was looking through her CD collection. She just stood there and watched him for a moment, a little smile on her lips. She then walked up to him and gave him a kiss.

"Forget the music," she said. "Let's go into my bedroom and make our own music."

A grin slowly spread across Daniel's face. "Make our own music?"

Sam made a face. "Okay, that sounded really corny. Blame it on the movie we just watched." It had been a rather sappy romance.

Daniel stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. "So, what kind of music will we be making tonight? Will it be a slow song or something . . . up-tempo?" Daniel's voice dropped half an octave on the last two words, his hand sliding down Sam's body. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Up-tempo, most definitely," she murmured huskily before taking Daniel's mouth in a scorching kiss.

The "music" that night was definitely up-tempo. Afterwards, they lay flat on their backs as their thundering hearts gradually slowed.

"If we were at my place, and Jack knocked on the door right now, I don't think I'd have the strength to get up to answer it," Daniel declared.

"Thank God that's not a possibility here." Sam rolled onto her side and looked at her lover's profile. "How much longer do you think we can keep this a secret from him?"

Daniel sighed. "I don't know. We've been lucky so far. If I was still in the program, I doubt that we could have kept it hidden for this long."

Sam fell silent. "Have you put more thought into that?" she finally asked. "Rejoining the program, I mean."

"Yes, I have, and it occurred to me that there would be one big disadvantage to doing so."

"What's that?"

Daniel looked at her. "As it stands now, the only people we're going to have to tell about our relationship are Jack and Teal'c, and I suppose Janet, too. But if I come back to the SGC, we'd have to tell General Hammond. The entire base would probably find out, and you can bet that people will talk. Now, normally, I'm not the kind of person who really cares about stuff like that. After all, when I posited my theories about the pyramids, I knew that every tongue in the archeological community would be wagging. What people on base would say about me isn't what's bothering me."

Sam looked at him. "You're thinking about what they'd say about me."

"Yeah."

"Daniel, though I do admit that I don't like the idea of people there gossiping about us, if I have to choose between that and not having you back there, I'll take the gossip. If that's the price of having you back with the program, it's more than worth it. So please don't make the decision not to return because you want to protect me from what people might say or think about our relationship."

Daniel didn't say anything for a moment. "If I did decide to come back, would there be a problem with work?"

"If you're wondering about regulations, then, no, there would be nothing against it. You're a civilian. Technically, even if you rejoined SG-1, it wouldn't be against the regs, although, if you did that, the people in charge could object and refuse to allow it. But if all you did was rejoin the program, there's nothing they can say about it." Sam gazed at him intently. "I want you back there, Daniel. I miss having you there. We all do. It would be so wonderful having you back."

Daniel fell silent again. He left the Stargate Program because his guilt and grief over Sha're's death had destroyed his desire to remain there. So what about now? Sha're was still dead, and he still grieved for her, but his new relationship with Sam had reignited the spark that had died within him. Could he return to the SGC, to the place where he'd held so much hope that he would someday free his wife? That shadow would still be there, but Sam would also be there and the hope that she had brought back to him. He liked the idea of working closely with her again, joining her on projects. Their new relationship would make it even better. Of course, there was also the practical consideration, that it would resolve the dilemma of what he was going to do for employment. He'd done a bit of job searching but hadn't had any luck so far.

Daniel rolled onto his side and met Sam's eyes. He saw there the hope that he would say yes. If he said no, that hope would be replaced by disappointment.

Several more seconds passed, then Daniel caressed Sam's cheek, smiled, and nodded. A bright smile lit her face.

"You'll come back?"

"Yes, I'll come back."

Sam engulfed Daniel in a tight hug. Just the joy on her face when she pulled back was enough to make Daniel happy with his decision.

"The colonel and Teal'c are going to be so delighted," she said. "When are you going to tell them?"

Daniel thought about that, and the smile on his face grew. "Actually, I have an idea about that."

* * *

><p>Jack frowned down at the paperwork before him. When he came into work this morning, he'd been called into Hammond's office, where the general spoke again about finding Daniel's replacement. He'd managed to stall yet again, but that wasn't going to work for much longer. If only Daniel would at least agree to return to the SGC, it might be enough to convince Hammond that, given more time, the archeologist might decide to rejoin SG-1.<p>

Jack couldn't count the number of times that he'd been tempted to talk to Daniel about coming back to the program, but he didn't want to get too pushy. He had come to recognize that his friend needed to make that decision for himself.

Letting out a sigh, Jack finished going over the paperwork, then signed it. He put it in the outbox, then got up to pour himself a cup of coffee. He was reaching for the pot when a voice startled him.

"Hey, Jack."

Surprise was the emotion Jack was feeling as he turned around. That surprise grew into shock as his eyes fell upon Daniel. The archeologist was standing in the open doorway, leaning casually against the doorjamb . . . and he was wearing BDUs.

"Daniel? You're wearing. . . ."

"Yes, I am."

Jack stared at him. "Does that mean. . . ."

"Yes, it does."

An ear-to-ear grin split Jack's face. "Yes!" He came forward and gave his best friend a hug. He then drew back and grasped Daniel's shoulders. He could not help but note that the SG-1 patch was not on one of those shoulders, but just the fact that the Stargate Program patch _was_ there was enough for now.

"I can't believe you did this behind my back," Jack said, shaking his head. "When did you rejoin?"

"Just now, actually. I just left Hammond's office a little while ago. He said that it'll be a few hours before it's official, but he saw no reason for me to wait to settle back in."

"Sweet." Jack patted his shoulders. "Come on, then. Let's go give the good news to Carter and Teal'c."

"Sam already knows. She was with me when I made the decision yesterday."

"And was she in on this plan to surprise me?"

"In a way. I came here with her so that the guards at the gate wouldn't have to get the general's permission for me to come on base. But Teal'c doesn't know, so we can go tell him."

Daniel called Sam's lab, and she joined the two men as they went to Teal'c's quarters. The Jaffa was delighted that Daniel had chosen to rejoin the program, and all four of them went to the commissary for some celebratory dessert, where several people welcomed the archeologist back. Afterwards, Jack, Sam and Teal'c all followed Daniel to his old office.

"You need to get busy filling it back up with your stuff," the colonel remarked, looking about at the barren shelves and desk.

"I've got some of it in Sam's trunk, mostly my books."

"Well, then let's go get it."

The four friends fetched the boxes, then Sam, Jack and Teal'c watched in pleasure as Daniel began filling the shelves with his possessions.

"This is great," Jack murmured.

"Yes, it is," Sam agreed.

Jack looked at her. "Daniel said that you were with him when he made the decision to come back."

Sam hesitated ever so slightly before saying, "Yes, sir."

"So what finally made him decide to do it?"

Sam's hesitation was longer this time. "Well, I told him how much we wanted him back, but I think a big factor is that his grief over Sha're isn't as strong as it was when he quit."

Jack nodded, returning his attention to Daniel. He best friend was at last back where he belonged. Well, not quite. Jack was now confident, though, that, given some more time, Daniel would return to the team as well. He – and General Hammond – just had to be a little more patient.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Daniel stood in the control room, watching as his former teammates prepared to go through the gate on their first mission since he left the team. Going with them was Robert Rothman. Robert, who was Daniel's research assistant when he was working on his third doctoral dissertation, had been added to the Archeology Department staff just two weeks before Daniel resigned. He was a talented archeologist and anthropologist. He was also fluent in eight spoken languages and conversant in an additional five dead languages.

SG-1's mission was to a planet with ruins that appeared to be pre-Colombian, possibly Olmec. Since Robert's specialty was the cultures of Mesoamerica, Daniel had suggested that his ex-teammates take him along. Jack had agreed, though he'd made it clear that it was only for this mission.

Just then, General Hammond came up to Daniel.

"Good morning, Doctor Jackson."

"Morning, sir." Daniel turned back to the gate room. The general followed his gaze.

"It feels odd, doesn't it," he said.

Daniel looked at him. "Odd?"

"Seeing them go off on a mission without you."

"Oh. Um, yes, I guess it does."

Hammond nodded. "Before I was promoted to general, I was the leader of a military unit. The first time I saw my former team go off on a mission without me, I had the urge to give back my stars and join them. I was naturally worried about them, concerned that they'd run into trouble, and I wouldn't be there to help."

Daniel frowned slightly. "SG-1 should be okay. I-I mean, there was no sign of anyone living in the area, right?"

"Yes, I'm sure they'll be fine." The general gave him an understanding smile. "But that isn't going to stop you from worrying about them."

The archeologist sighed. "No."

Hammond patted his shoulder. "Why don't you go on down there and see them off. I'm sure they'd like that."

Daniel hesitated for a moment, then headed down to the gate room.

"Daniel," Jack said as the archeologist came up to him. "Sure you won't change your mind and come with us?" His voice gained a note of pleading. "Please?"

"Sorry, Jack. I'm sure Robert will do fine. He's an expert in the pre-Colombian civilizations."

Jack glanced sourly at the dark-haired, bespectacled man, who was, at that moment, blowing his nose. "I don't care that he's an expert. What matters is that he's not you."

Daniel ducked his head. He had to admit that it felt good to hear Jack say that.

Sam came up to them with a smile. "Here to see us off?" she asked Daniel.

"Yeah."

"I wish you were coming with us."

"The same sentiment I just expressed," Jack told her.

The Stargate began dialing, and everyone's eyes went to it, remaining there until the wormhole had connected. After being wished good luck by Hammond, Daniel's former teammates all turned to him, and he could see their reluctance to go without him.

"Be careful, guys," he said, his eyes catching Sam's for a moment.

"We will," she responded.

Jack and Teal'c went through the gate first, followed by Sam. As Robert passed by Daniel, the ex-member of SG-1 said, "Don't let Jack intimidate you."

"He already tried. I'm just glad this is temporary. I pity the person who takes your place on the team permanently."

Robert turned away and headed up the ramp, so he didn't see the look that flashed across Daniel's face.

Daniel remained in the gate room until the gate shut down, then went to his office. He sat at his desk and thought about what Robert said. All this time, he'd known that someone would eventually be permanently assigned to SG-1 to fill his place on the team. He hadn't had a problem with that before, but now he had to admit that it was bothering him a little. Why?

Daniel really thought about it and realized that it was because of the change in his relationship with Sam. On many of their missions, especially the ones where they stayed overnight, he and Sam would get into long conversations, Jack sometimes joining in. He'd always enjoyed those conversations, and he was shocked to realize that thinking of someone else being in those conversations with her instead of him was making him jealous. How stupid was that? He and Sam shared plenty of conversations, about topics that were a lot more personal and intimate than anything the two of them ever discussed on a mission. Was he so petty that he couldn't stand the thought of her enjoying a pleasant conversation with someone else?

Even as he asked himself that question, he knew the answer. The problem wasn't really with her chatting with someone else; it was that he'd lost that connection with her, the comradery that those conversations on missions made him feel. He'd never realized till now that talking with her like that, sharing his thoughts with her about the mission or something else to do with work, had been one of his favorite things about going on a mission.

But just because he was no longer a member of SG-1 didn't mean that they couldn't still have those conversations. They'd be getting together on projects from time to time, and there was nothing preventing him from talking with her about SG-1's missions. In fact, after they got back today, he could invite her to join him in the commissary and ask her how things went.

Daniel shook his head. This was ridiculous. He was just going through a natural adjustment period. In time, he'd be completely accustomed to Sam, Jack and Teal'c going off on missions with a new team member. He'd settle into his new role as just a consultant and be fine with it. And it's not like he wouldn't have plenty of work to keep him busy. It had always been a struggle to do all the archeological and translation work that was continually piling up on his desk while also going on missions. Maybe, now, he'd finally be able to keep up with all the work.

Pushing aside all other thoughts, Daniel got back to work on the translation he'd started earlier this morning. He managed to make some headway on it, although he'd have made even more if he hadn't kept glancing at the clock every ten minutes to see what time it was. SG-1 was due back at three p.m., and the hours seemed to be crawling by.

When three o'clock finally did arrive, Daniel couldn't stop himself from going to the control room. As the minutes ticked by, he began to fidget, looking at his watch every thirty seconds. At 3:10 he was starting to get a little concerned. At 3:15 he was tempted to ask General Hammond to dial the gate and find out why SG-1 was late. At 3:16, the Stargate activated, indicating that someone was dialing in.

General Hammond entered the control room, smiling in amusement upon seeing Daniel there. He didn't say anything as he stepped up beside the archeologist.

"They're a bit late," Daniel remarked.

"Yes, that happens from time to time. I don't start getting concerned until a team is half an hour behind schedule."

As Robert and the three members of SG-1 came through the Stargate, Daniel's eyes scanned them, looking for any sign that they'd run into trouble. They all appeared to be fine, no injuries, no mussed clothing.

Not wanting his friends to know that he'd been waiting for them in the control room like an anxious mother waiting for her children to get off the bus after their first day at school, Daniel quickly returned to his office. He stayed put there, counting off the minutes that he figured it would take for the post-mission physical and debriefing.

About ten minutes after the time that Daniel figured the debriefing would be over, Sam came walking in.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile. "How did it go?"

"Oh, pretty good, though Rothman and the colonel butted heads. Rothman wasn't happy with the way we were rushing through the ruins."

Daniel smiled. "Ah, yes. I recall how much I used to complain about that."

Sam stared at him. "Used to?"

"Okay, so I was still doing that occasionally up to the time I left the program, but, toward the end, I'd sort of resigned myself to the fact that I'd never get to spend as much time studying ruins as I'd like to. Speaking of the ruins, was I right about them being Olmec?"

Sam nodded. "That's what Rothman thinks."

"This is the first time we've encountered traces of that civilization on another planet, though it's certainly not a surprise."

A little smile formed on Sam's lips. "You're wishing that you could have seen them for yourself."

"Maybe a little." Daniel paused. "Okay, so maybe more than a little. It's always exciting when we discover signs of yet another Earth culture out there. Every time we do, it makes me wonder how many more are out in the galaxy somewhere."

"I know what you mean."

Daniel smiled again. "Would you like to get a cup of coffee and tell me all about the mission?"

"I wish I could, but, on my way here, Siler told me that something came up on the computer diagnostics that I need to look into. It's nothing serious, but I don't want to put it off."

"Oh. Okay. Maybe later, then."

"I'm sure that Rothman would be happy to fill you in."

"Yes, I'm sure he would."

Sam said goodbye and left the office. A little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to chat with her about the mission, Daniel got back to work. He hadn't been at it for long when Jack came in.

"That man is ten times worse than you ever were," the colonel declared grouchily.

"In what way?"

"In _every_ way. I thought that you were bad about copping an attitude, but he's got you beat by a mile. And the guy's a klutz."

"I find that hard to believe since he was a two-time decathlon champ in college."

"You've got to be joking."

"Nope. That was before he got asthma, though."

"Well, I'm just glad that I won't ever have to put up with him on a mission again."

Daniel stared at him. "You know, Jack, sooner or later, you're going to have to pick my permanent replacement. If it's not going to be a civilian scientist like Robert, then it'll have to be an airman or marine."

Jack frowned severely. "I don't want to talk about it." He took a seat. "So what have _you_ been doing all day?"

"Translations. My inbox is stuffed full of them. I guess there were a lot that didn't get done while I was gone because nobody could do them."

"Which proves how much you're needed around here."

"Well, I'm sure that General Hammond would have hired some people if I hadn't come back."

Jack sat on the edge of the desk. "What are your plans for the weekend?"

"Working. I only just came back yesterday, Jack. I think that taking the weekend off after only two days of work would be a little silly."

"I suppose so. Just don't work all night."

"I have no intention of doing so." Daniel's plan was to get together with Sam Saturday night.

That thought made the archeologist think about the fact that, now that he was back in the program, he and Sam weren't going to be able to put off revealing their relationship for much longer. The danger of it being discovered was much higher now, and it would be way worse if Jack found out on his own. They just needed to gather their courage and get it over and done with.

Daniel stayed late that evening, having nothing better to do. It was going on nine p.m. when Sam popped her head in.

"Ah, still working, I see," she said with a smile.

"Yeah. You should have seen the pile of work that was brought in here not ten minutes after I walked in the door this morning. I'm betting that they wanted to give it to me yesterday but were afraid I'd quit again if they did."

Sam's smile widened. "Poor Daniel. Already overworked again." She came into the office. In a lower voice, she asked, "Are we still on for tomorrow night?"

"You bet, although I'll hate to disturb you when I leave for work in the morning."

"Well, it's not like I haven't done that to you plenty of times since my leave ended. I think I'll survive." She gave him another smile. "Well, I'm heading on home. Don't stay too late."

"I won't. Sweet dreams, Sam."

"Thanks, but any dreams I have won't be as sweet as they would be if you were there with me."

Daniel watched Sam leave, then returned to work, looking forward to tomorrow night.

* * *

><p>Daniel arrived at Sam's place at seven p.m. Saturday evening. After enjoying a quiet meal together, they decided to play a game of scrabble. It was no surprise that the linguist won.<p>

Seeing Daniel yawn, Sam looked at him narrowly. "How late were you up last night?"

"Uhhh . . . pretty late. I had every intention of quitting at ten, but then I realized that the thing I was translating had some important information. It was going on three by the time I called it a night. I just stayed on base since I saw no sense in driving all the way home."

Sam shook her head. "You're not going to start doing that again, are you? Sometimes, I wondered why you even had an apartment since you rarely seemed to be there."

"No, I assure you that I am not going to get back into the habit of working till the wee small hours. Back then, I didn't have much of anything else in my life." He caressed her cheek. "Now, I most definitely do."

Sam smiled and kissed him. She then stood up and took his hand.

"Come on. Let's go on to bed so that you can get a good night's sleep."

"But it's only 9:30."

"That's okay. If I can't get to sleep, I'll just read."

Another yawn snuck up on Daniel, and he smothered it. "I'm sorry, Sam. This isn't exactly how I planned for this evening to go."

Sam gave him another smile. "Don't apologize, Daniel. I really don't mind."

After getting ready for bed, the couple crawled under the covers. Daniel immediately gathered Sam into his arms. He laid his head down on her chest and let out a contented little sigh as he closed his eyes. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep.

Sam gazed down at the man in her arms, her hand running through his hair soothingly. She loved moments like this, when she could watch Daniel sleep. He always looked so peaceful, years younger than his chronological age. It was even better when he cuddled with her in his sleep, like he was now. Yes, Doctor Daniel Jackson was a cuddler, something she'd never have guessed before they became lovers since, in all the time she'd known him, he had not been a very tactile person. But, apparently, the way Daniel was with friends was not the same way he was toward a woman with whom he was in a relationship, for, ever since they became lovers, he had been very tactile indeed. And she loved it.

Deciding that she didn't want to chance disturbing Daniel, Sam chose not to read. Instead, she just laid there, listening to Daniel breathe and thinking about the past two weeks. Yesterday had been the two-week anniversary of the day they became a real couple. She suspected that there were some people who would have believed that their relationship wouldn't even last that long, that, by now, Daniel would have "come to his senses" and realized that all his new feelings for Sam were just a byproduct of his grief over Sha're. And yet, instead of that happening, it seemed as if Daniel's desire to be with her was stronger than ever. His words to her last Sunday were still lodged deep in her heart, making her feel very secure in their relationship. She was sure that, the next time some woman came on to him, she wouldn't be worried or jealous.

* * *

><p>Sam was abruptly awakened from sleep by the sound of a whimper. Her eyes immediately went to Daniel. He was laying beside her on his back, and it was obvious that he was having a nightmare. The expression on his face was one of anguish, the sounds he was making those of a man in terrible emotional pain.<p>

Sam's heart sank. This was the first time that she knew of Daniel having a nightmare about Sha're since they became lovers. She had hoped that he'd never have another one.

Sam was reaching out to awaken him when he abruptly spoke.

"Noooo. God, no," he moaned. "Sam!"

The astrophysicist gasped sharply, realizing that Daniel's nightmare was about her, not Sha're. She took hold of his shoulders and gently shook him.

"Daniel? Daniel, wake up. You're dreaming."

Daniel's eyes flew open with a start. His eyes latched onto hers. Realizing that what he'd experienced had only been a dream, he shuddered and covered his face with his hands.

"God," he whispered.

"Shh. It's all right," Sam murmured soothingly, caressing his hair.

Daniel abruptly got up and went into the bathroom, where he splashed cold water on his face. He stood bowed over the sink for several long seconds until Sam came in to check on him.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Daniel hesitated for a long moment before nodding.

They returned to the bed, sitting up against the headboard.

"You guys had gone on a mission," Daniel began, "and you were late coming back. I was in the control room, waiting for you. I kept waiting, and waiting, but you didn't come back. Then, finally, the gate activated, and SG-1's IDC came through. But then—" Daniel's voice halted abruptly, and it took him several second before he could continue. "Jack came through first, and he was covered in blood. And then Teal'c came through, and you were lying in his arms. You were . . . you were dead." His voice shook on the last two words.

"Oh, Daniel." Sam gathered him into her arms and held him tight. She pressed her lips to the crown of his head.

It was a while before Daniel drew back. He cupped her face in his hands and laid his lips upon hers, a touch of desperation in the kiss.

"It was just a dream, Daniel," she told him. "That's all. That isn't really going to happen."

Daniel laid back down, pulling Sam down with him.

"I have a confession to make," he said. "I was waiting for you guys in the control room when you were due back from your mission. You were late getting back, and I was . . . worried. It was just fifteen minutes, and I know I shouldn't have been concerned, but I couldn't help it."

"I'm sorry, Daniel. We were late because Rothman was reluctant to leave the ruins. The colonel had to threaten to leave him there alone."

"Don't apologize, Sam. I'm sure that there were dozens of times when we were several minutes late getting back while I was on the team."

"Yes, but you were right there with us, so you didn't have reason for concern."

"Even so, I don't expect you to rush back to the gate to make sure you return exactly on time. I'm just adjusting to the fact that I'm staying behind as you guys go off without me. I'll get used to it."

Sam had to stop herself from saying that he wouldn't have to get used to it if he rejoined SG-1. She could not push him about that. If the time came when Daniel felt that he could resume going through the Stargate, then he would be welcomed back on the team, if Hammond would allow it. Until then, this was the way it had to be.

Daniel gathered Sam close. He began to kiss her, placing kisses all over her face. His hands started to caress her, slowly bringing her to arousal. He removed her clothing one piece at a time, stripping her naked before taking off his own clothes. He slipped his legs between her thighs, spreading them apart. With his hands cupping the soft, smooth globes of her bottom, he gently slid inside her.

Their lovemaking was slow and nearly silent, Daniel's eyes never leaving hers. When Sam came, he held off his own climax so that he could watch her. It wasn't until she'd come down from the heights that he let himself find release. Afterwards, they did not speak, no words needed. Sam knew that Daniel had needed this to banish the painful images of the dream, to replace the memory of her dream death with the reality of the life within her.

This time, it was Sam who fell asleep first. For a long while, Daniel just held her, thinking about the nightmare. He knew that SG-1 being fifteen minutes late was the catalyst for it, that and his earlier concerns when they were preparing to leave on the mission.

His thoughts turned to the anguish he felt in the dream upon seeing Sam's lifeless body in Teal'c's arms. The pain had been almost as bad as when Sha're died. Though he was not in love with Sam, in these weeks that they'd been together, she had become very precious to him, the most important person in his life. The thought of losing her as he lost Sha're hurt terribly. He didn't know what he'd do if that ever happened.

Not wanting to think about that, Daniel shoved it out of his mind and closed his eyes. It was quite a while before sleep returned to him.

* * *

><p>When Daniel awoke and looked at the clock, he was shocked to see that it was almost eight. He realized that he'd forgotten to set the alarm last night. He was already late for work.<p>

The archeologist looked down at the woman sleeping beside him. Sam's head was tucked into his shoulder, one arm curled close to her body, the other flung over his waist. Their legs were tangled together. Daniel smiled at the sight and decided that the SGC – and the Linguistics Department – would survive just fine if he put off the remaining translations until tomorrow.

That decision made, he laid his head back down and closed his eyes.

The next time Daniel awoke it was because someone was shaking his shoulder.

"Daniel, wake up. It's after nine," Sam's voice informed him.

"Mmm. Yeah, I decided to play hooky," he mumbled.

"You did?"

"Uh huh." He pulled her close and snuggled against her, eyes yet again closed. "Let's stay here all day."

"In bed?"

"Sure, why not?"

Sam grinned. "Sleeping or making love? If it's the second thing, I'm game."

Daniel's eyes cracked open, and he looked at her. "I'm thirty-four years old, Sam. Making love continuously all day long is no longer an option, no matter how much the spirit may be willing."

Sam snorted, choking back a laugh. "I'm so disappointed."

Sam's laughter turned into a squeal as Daniel suddenly started tickling her. She twisted, trying to get away from him, but he was relentless, keeping up the tickling until she was breathless and begging him to stop. His laughing eyes gazed down at her. He brushed a hand through her hair.

"I never thought that I could be this happy again," he said.

The confession sobered Sam. "I'm glad that I make you happy, Daniel. I love seeing you smile and hearing you laugh. It makes me feel wonderful to know that it's because of me."

The lovers shared a long, tender kiss. Daniel got up to use the bathroom and decided that he might as well stay up, especially since his stomach was ready to be fed.

Over breakfast, they discussed what they were going to do since, apparently, Daniel's plan of staying in bed all day had been changed. In the end, they decided to go catch a matinee, then pig out at an ice cream parlor that was a favorite of theirs.

The movie and pigging out happened as planned, though the couple did suffer a very tense moment when they looked out the window of the ice cream parlor and spotted someone from the SGC walking on the sidewalk across the street. They remained tense until the person had disappeared from view. It wasn't until they got back to Sam's place that they talked about what happened.

"We're not going to be able to do this for much longer," Sam said.

"I know. Sooner or later, someone is going to see us together. If we're just having lunch or something like that, it won't be a problem, but we've also been going to the park and doing other things in public that only a couple would do."

"So . . . when do you want to tell the colonel and Teal'c?"

Daniel thought about it. "I'm thinking that it would be best to tell Jack when he will have a day or two to recover from the shock before seeing us at work."

"So, Friday evening after work?"

Daniel nodded. He saw the expression in Sam's eyes. "It'll be all right, Sam."

"Yeah."

* * *

><p>When Daniel and Sam went to work Monday morning, they were both a little tense, their minds on what the end of the week would bring. Jack had learned that Daniel didn't go to work on Sunday after all and was curious about why. The archeologist told him the truth, that he'd been really tired and overslept so late that he decided not to bother going in.<p>

That day and the following three passed by far too quickly for the nervous couple. Though they hadn't planned on getting together Thursday night, Sam made a last minute decision to go over to Daniel's, knowing that, if she stayed at home, she'd be a basket case by morning.

Daniel was in the midst of fixing dinner when she arrived. As he finished preparing the meal, she went to the open window and looked out. She was still there when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She turned around in his arms.

"I'm trying not to be so nervous about this," she said. "We've always known that we'd have to tell Colonel O'Neill eventually."

"I'm nervous, too, Sam, but regardless of how he reacts, we'll deal with it. It'll be okay."

* * *

><p>Jack pulled into the parking space and grabbed the pizza off the seat beside him. As he got out of the car, he wondered if he should have called Daniel first before taking the liberty of coming over. The archeologist might have already eaten. Or he might not even be home. Several times over the past few weeks, Jack had called Daniel's place only to receive no answer. Where his friend was on those occasions is something the colonel didn't know since Daniel never volunteered the information when he called back.<p>

As he headed for the entrance to the apartment building, Jack glanced up at the window to Daniel's apartment. He stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Daniel with his arms around a woman. And then Jack realized who that woman was. His surprise turned to utter shock as Daniel and Jack's second-in-command came together in a very intimate kiss, Daniel's hand coming to rest low on Sam's hip.

"What the hell?" Jack nearly exclaimed, unable to believe his eyes.

The two people drew apart, smiled at each other, then disappeared from view. Jack just kept standing there, pizza forgotten in his hands. He could not possibly have seen what he just saw. Did he catch some kind of alien virus that causes hallucinations? Maybe he should head straight to the SGC infirmary and have Fraiser start running tests.

As Jack returned to his car and left the parking lot, he accepted that he really had seen that, as unbelievable as it might have been. So what the hell was going on? How long had it been going on?

By the time Jack reached his house, he was determined that, tomorrow, he was damn well going to find out the answers to his questions.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

From the moment Daniel and Sam entered the mountain Friday morning, they did everything they could to avoid contact with Jack. They had breakfast before coming in and ate lunch at their desks so that there would be no chance of Jack joining them for either meal. Daniel remained cloistered away in his office, and Sam did likewise in her lab. Of course, there was no guarantee that the colonel wouldn't drop by for a visit.

The reason for the avoidance was that they both knew that, if they saw Jack, they'd be unable to hide their nervousness and tension from him. The plan was for Daniel and Sam to go to Jack's place at eight o'clock. Teal'c wouldn't be told until Monday.

It was shortly before five when Daniel gave up trying to work. He'd gotten barely anything accomplished that day, his thoughts too distracted. He stopped by Sam's lab before heading off to the locker room.

"Hi. I'm heading on home," he said. "It's useless for me to stay any longer. I can't concentrate."

"Tell me about it. I'm having the same problem. I'm just going to finish what I'm doing, then leave."

"So, I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah."

Daniel changed into his civvies and drove home. Too restless to sit, he did a bit of housecleaning. He'd been home less than an hour when there was a loud knock on his door. He was surprised and more than a little dismayed upon seeing that his visitor was Jack.

"Jack. What, um. . . . Hi."

Not responding, the colonel pushed past Daniel and entered the apartment. Puzzled, the archeologist shut the door and turned to him.

"Is there something you wanted?" he asked.

"As a matter of fact, there is. I want an explanation for what's going on with you and Carter."

_'Oh, crap,'_ was the first thought in Daniel's mind.

"And don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about," Jack said. "Last night, I came over here with pizza, but then I look up at your window, and what do I see? You and Carter doing something that people who are just friends don't do."

Daniel's dismay was joined by embarrassment.

"So tell me what's going on, Daniel," Jack demanded. "Did it start before Sha're died or afterwards? And what the hell kind of foolish insanity brought it on?" When Daniel didn't say anything, Jack got even angrier. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to make Carter do it?"

"You leave Sam alone!" Daniel commanded, taking Jack aback with his vehemence and the hot glare of his eyes. Okay, this was not exactly how Jack was expecting the archeologist to react. He had been expecting something more along the lines of embarrassment and stammered explanations. Instead, he was getting anger and defiance.

Thinking that maybe he needed to back off a bit, Jack held up his hands. "Okay, Daniel. I'm sorry I came on so strong. I won't make Carter tell me anything. But I need to know what's going on."

Daniel turned and walked away a few steps, entering the dining area. "It started afterwards," he murmured. "It just . . . happened."

"Just happened? Daniel, something like this doesn't just happen."

Daniel let out a sigh, knowing that he had no choice but to tell Jack the whole thing right here and now.

"Sam came over the evening of the day I resigned. She'd found an artifact that I had left behind in my office and wanted to give it to me. When she arrived, I had been going through some stuff of mine and Sha're's that Kasuf gave me, and I . . . wasn't in a good frame of mind. Sam insisted on spending the night. She didn't want me to be alone. During the night, I had a nightmare about Sha're's death, and it apparently woke Sam up. She came into the bedroom and roused me from it. She got me to confess that it wasn't the first time I'd had a dream like that. The truth was that I'd had them almost every night."

Daniel went over to the table and sat down. Jack took a seat across from him.

"Sam, uh . . . climbed into the bed with me."

Jack gaped at him. "She climbed into the bed with you?"

"I was as surprised as you are, Jack. She knew that I was feeling sad and lonely and thought that having someone sleeping in the same room would make me feel better. And she was right. Having her there did make me feel better, not so alone."

"Okay, so you two were snuggled up together in the same bed. . . ."

"We weren't snuggled up together, Jack. We were on opposite sides of a queen size bed."

"Ah. My mistake. Go on, then."

"Everything would probably have been fine if I hadn't had another dream."

"About Sha're's death?"

"Uhhh . . . no. It was a dream about Sha're, but, it, um, was not a nightmare."

It didn't take long for Jack to figure out what Daniel was saying.

"Oh. Well, that must have been . . . awkward."

"Yeah. And I compounded the awkwardness by starting to act out the dream in my sleep . . . with Sam filling in for Sha're."

"And she didn't knock your head off?"

Daniel's gaze dropped to the tabletop. "No."

Jack stared at the younger man. "Daniel, what are you saying?"

"I woke up with Sam in my arms, my hands and . . . other parts of me in places they shouldn't have been. I just lay there, staring at her, not knowing what to say. I thought she was going to be angry, but she wasn't. Instead, she was. . . ."

"Was what?"

The archeologist flushed. "Aroused."

Jack was so surprised that he had no words to speak, so Daniel continued after a long pause.

"When I saw that, it really affected me. I suppose I could blame it on my grief and loneliness, but the truth is that I still don't quite know what came over me. I kissed her." His voice lowered. "It didn't stop at kissing."

Jack sat back in his seat, totally blown away by what Daniel had just told him.

"When I woke up the next morning, Sam was gone. I was so ashamed of what I'd done. I thought she'd let it happen out of pity or maybe to give me comfort. Either way, I believed that I'd taken advantage of her, and I was certain that I'd destroyed our friendship. That's when I decided that I had to leave."

Jack studied the archeologist, who was still staring at the tabletop. Now he understood why Daniel and Sam had been acting the way they were when she, Jack and Teal'c first got to the cabin. But there had to be more to the story than this, a lot more.

Without any prompting, Daniel continued. "The thing I didn't know was that Sam was feeling the same way. She believed that _she_ was the one who took advantage of _me_."

"I don't understand."

Daniel lifted his head and finally met Jack's eyes. "She's in love with me, Jack."

If the colonel had been surprised before, he was downright stunned now.

Daniel's eyes were back on the tabletop. "And that's why she let it happen."

"Whoa."

"Yeah."

"Carter's in love with you?"

Daniel nodded.

"For how long?"

"A long time, according to her."

Silence returned as Jack absorbed the shocking news. After a minute, he finally spoke.

"Okay, so Carter's in love with you, but _you're_ not in love with _her_ . . . are you?"

"No. I do love her very much, but not in that way."

"Okay, then explain to me what's going on here, Daniel. Obviously, this isn't a case of it happening just the one time and the two of you realizing your mistake and moving on."

"No. I'm not going to tell you everything, because, quite frankly, Jack, it's none of your business. All I will say is that Sam and I have decided to get involved with each other."

"Get involved with each other." There was a distinct note of disapproval in the colonel's voice. "You just lost your wife, whom I am assuming you still love, and you just admitted to me that you are _not_ in love with Carter, yet you go diving headlong into a relationship with her and think it's a good idea?" Jack's disapproval turned into anger. "Out of all the lamebrain, foolish things you've done, Daniel, this takes the cake. What possessed you to do this? I can understand Carter's motivations, though her wisdom leaves much to be desired, but yours I don't understand at all. So what is it, Daniel? What?"

Angered by Jack's attitude, Daniel stood up and went into the kitchen.

"None of your business," he snapped.

Jack went after him. "No way, Daniel. I'm not letting you get away with that." A thought came to him. "Is it the sex? Is that what it's about?" Jack's expression darkened. "That's it, isn't it. Unbelievable. You know, Daniel, out of all the men I've known in my life, you are just about the last one I'd have thought would let his dick do his thinking for him!"

Jack's nasty words were like a blow to Daniel's solar plexis, actually making him draw back a step. The shock and hurt were soon replaced by a return of the anger. That anger blazed into his eyes.

"And you're just about the last man I'd have believed could think such a thing of me." The anger deepened, tinged with pain. "For your information, Jack, it isn't just the sex. It's a lot more than that. But you really don't care, do you. You have made up your mind that this is a mistake, that we're being idiots, and nothing Sam or I told you would make a difference. Okay, then fine. You are entitled to your opinion. But I am a grown man, and Sam is a grown woman. We are both consenting adults with the right to make our own choices and decisions. So I would appreciate it if you would keep your opinions to yourself and at least try to make some effort to accept this, because not a damn thing you say is going to change it." His gaze speared into Jack. "If you can't do that, if you can't be a friend and show even a small shred of acceptance and support . . . then you and I are through."

With those words, Daniel spun around and strode away. Jack stood as still as a stone, the shock and dismay caused by his friend's words taking his voice away. Daniel couldn't possibly mean that. It was just anger talking.

But what if Daniel _did_ mean it? What if Jack's refusal to even try to accept this was going to cost him his best friend? That was a price he wasn't willing to pay.

Jack went in search of Daniel and found him on the balcony. The colonel stood for a moment, watching the archeologist's stiff-backed form. He then walked up to stand beside the man, his gaze on the view rather than his friend.

"I'm sorry," he said. "What I said was way over the line. You're right. You and Carter are adults and have the right to make your own choices. I'm just . . . concerned, Daniel. I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

Daniel sighed, his head dropping. "I know." His voice turned soft and sad. "Do you really think that of me?"

Jack let out a sigh of his own. "No, Daniel, I don't. I said that without thinking, and I'm sorry."

Daniel paused before saying, "You know what's really pathetic? Right at the beginning, it was true. I _was_ thinking with . . . it. After I woke up that morning, all I could think about was that I'd killed my wife, then topped it off by destroying one of my closest friendships. I felt so ashamed and guilty. At the cabin I was still feeling that way. The problem was that I was also feeling something else. I couldn't get what Sam and I did and how it felt out of my head, and, though I knew it was wrong, I wanted it to happen again. Obviously, I would never have done anything if Sam hadn't wanted to, but the desire was still there."

"That's not thinking with your dick, Daniel; it's just acknowledging that it exists. You're a man, and it had been a while since you were with a woman. Over a year, right?"

Daniel looked at him. "Uh, no, it had been almost two, if you count Hathor, which I prefer not to."

Jack was surprised. "What about Shyla?"

"You thought I slept with Shyla?"

"Sure. She obviously wanted you, and your head was all messed up by the sarcophagus. You were planning on going back to her."

"Yes, but I didn't sleep with her. Her father would probably have blown my head off with a staff weapon if I did. He didn't like me very much. He only tolerated me because Shyla thought she was in love with me. Oh, if I'd really been determined to do so, we could probably have found someplace where nobody would discover us and done it, but even with my thinking and emotions all screwed up by the sarcophagus, my love for Sha're was still in there somewhere."

"So, not counting Hathor – who I definitely wouldn't count – the last woman you made love with was Sha're?"

"Yes. I had no desire to be with anyone else . . . when I was in full possession of my mental faculties, that is."

"Until Carter."

Daniel looked away again. "Yeah."

Jack studied his profile. "You said that it was more than the sex, and I believe you, but what's the rest of it? I need to know, Daniel, if you want me to understand this thing."

Daniel's head shook slightly. "The truth is that I don't fully understand it myself. All I know is that being with Sam, having this kind of relationship with her, makes me happy. _She_ makes me happy. She gives me something to look forward to every day. I really think that the two of us could have something together."

Jack's skepticism returned. "Even though you're still in love with Sha're and not with Carter."

Daniel didn't respond. What could he say? He knew that it sounded crazy.

Jack stared at his friend. He had a bad feeling that Daniel's emotions were a direct result of the loss of his wife. He was grieving and in pain, and what happened between him and Sam, coupled with the knowledge that she was in love with him, deadened those feelings, so now he didn't want to let go. The problem was that a relationship built on something like that couldn't possibly have a future. It was a house of cards. Sooner or later, either Daniel would come to see that or Sam would realize that the whole thing was a mistake. Then one or both of them would get hurt.

Unfortunately, Daniel's emotions were not going to let him see that, so nothing Jack said would do any good. Therefore, all Jack could do now was try to accept what was happening . . . and be prepared to pick up the pieces when it fell apart.

Jack turned fully to the younger man. "I still think you're making a mistake, Daniel, but I will try to be more accepting of it." He paused for a long moment. "So . . . are we okay?"

Daniel lifted his head and met Jack's eyes. "Yes, we're okay."

The colonel breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"At least work isn't a problem, with me not being on SG-1," Daniel said.

"Actually, even if you were, there would still be no regs against it. You're a civilian, so the regulations don't apply to you."

"Yes, I know, but if I was on SG-1, I'd be under your command, too."

Though Daniel didn't say it, Jack knew what he was thinking. "Daniel, are you thinking that I'd refuse to allow you and Sam to continue your relationship?"

The archeologist shrugged, not looking at him.

Jack thought about it. Would he actually order them to put a halt to it? As team leader, if something was going on between two teammates that he believed would adversely affect their ability to do their jobs, he had the authority to do something about it, but to demand that they end their relationship was a line that he didn't think he would cross. Besides, if he tried, Daniel would probably just quit the team again . . . and Sam might join him.

"I wouldn't do that, Daniel," Jack said.

Daniel nodded, trusting that Jack was telling the truth. He turned from the railing and went back inside. Jack remained where he was, his mind still on Daniel and SG-1. All this time, he had been hoping that his friend would choose to rejoin the team, but what about now? Would he still want that? And here was another question. Would Hammond even allow Daniel back on the team once he learned of the archeologist's relationship with Sam?

Jack left the balcony and joined Daniel in the kitchen. The archeologist was drinking a beer, which told Jack that he was feeling on edge. Daniel usually only drank when Jack was.

"You got another one of those?" the colonel asked.

"In the fridge."

Jack got one and took a swig. He studied Daniel, who was now just staring at the bottle in his hand.

"You know what's funny?" the archeologist said. "Sam and I were planning on telling you tonight, in about," he glanced at his watch, "an hour and a half." He sighed. "The truth is that we've been putting it off. We knew that you'd think we were making a mistake." He set the bottle on the counter, the expression on his face now one of disappointment and sorrow.

"But you were hoping I wouldn't think that," Jack guessed, now feeling like a jerk.

"I guess I should have known better."

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I wish I could say that I'm all for it and that I think you two will be great together, but I'm not going to lie to you and say that. I will tell you one thing, though. I hope that you and Carter prove me wrong. I really do."

Daniel nodded, grateful for at least that. "Um, if you don't mind, Jack, I'd rather be alone now."

Jack hesitated before nodding, wishing that he could say something to make Daniel feel better. He put the mostly full bottle of beer on the counter, then headed out the door.

As soon as Jack was gone, Daniel picked up the phone and called Sam's number.

"Jack knows, Sam."

"What? You already told him?"

"I had no choice. He came here last night and saw the two of us in the window."

Sam's face blushed brightly at the thought of her C.O. seeing them together.

"He showed up here tonight to confront me about it. It got . . . ugly."

Sam could tell by his voice that he was upset. "Oh, Daniel. I knew that he probably wouldn't react well, but I didn't think it would be _really_ bad. What did he say?"

"It's better if you don't know. He eventually calmed down and apologized for some of the things he said, but he is positive that we're making a huge mistake, and our relationship doesn't stand a chance."

Sam sighed. She couldn't say that she was surprised, but she had been hoping that Jack would at least be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

"Do you still want me to come over?" she asked.

"No, that's all right."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. We can get together tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. I'll call you in the morning."

Sam hung up the phone, then stared down at it. She had to wonder what Jack said that upset Daniel. It was one thing for the colonel to disapprove and think that they were making a mistake, but it was quite another for him to get mean about it. She wished that she'd been there to give Daniel some support.

Making a sudden decision, Sam grabbed a change of clothes and a few other things, then drove over to Daniel's. He was surprised by her presence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as she entered the apartment.

"I decided to come over after all."

"You really didn't have to do that."

"I know. I wanted to."

She led him over to the couch and sat beside him. Her eyes met his.

"What did he say to you?"

Daniel's gaze immediately dropped from hers. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does, Daniel. It's obvious that he said something that hurt you. I want to know what it was."

Daniel didn't reply for a moment. "He, um, accused me of getting into this relationship with you just for . . . the sex."

"What?" Sam exclaimed, utterly shocked. "I can't believe he would say something like that! How could he possibly think that of you?"

"He apologized for it later and said that he didn't really think that."

"Well, he shouldn't have said it in the first place. That was totally out of line."

Daniel looked into Sam's eyes intently. "It isn't true, Sam. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Daniel. Never for one second did I think that." Sam cupped his cheek. "The man I fell in love with could never be that shallow and selfish."

Later that night, as Sam lay in the darkness with Daniel, she thought again about what the colonel accused him of, and her anger returned. Along with that anger, though, was concern. It worried her to think that other people might believe the same thing. Daniel may have said that he wasn't bothered by what people thought about him, but it _did_ bother _her_.

Right then and there she made a promise to herself that, if anyone got that idea in their head about Daniel, she'd straighten them right out.

* * *

><p>"Colonel."<p>

Jack was quite surprised that, upon the utterance of that single word, frost didn't instantly form on every surface in the room. It sure did feel cold enough. And then there were the eyes. Gone were the soft blue orbs. In their place were glittering chunks of a glacier's blue ice.

"Carter. So . . . I'm guessing that Daniel told you about our conversation on Friday."

Sam's response was silence. Great. Now he was getting the silent treatment. Yeah, he was in deep shit all right. It's a good thing they didn't have a mission today. She might _"accidentally"_ shove him the wrong way through the wormhole.

Jack figured that he'd better do some damage control. "Okay, look. I know what I said to him was out of line, and I apologized."

"What I'd like to know is how you could think such a thing in the first place, how you could think that Daniel could be that kind of person."

"You're right. I was being an idiot. I admit that. So could you please knock off the deep freeze? I'm getting frostbite."

Sam glared at him a moment longer, then turned away.

Jack came further into her lab. "Okay, now I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him. Though I think that you are both making a mistake, I will do my best to accept the situation. I will not bother either of you about it anymore. I hope that's enough for you."

When Sam's response was again silence, Jack decided to change the subject.

"Anyway, the reason I came here was to tell you that I managed to get another reprieve from Hammond regarding finding a fourth person for the team."

Sam turned back to him. "How much longer did he give us?"

"Three weeks. That'll make it a month since Daniel came back to the program. He said that if we haven't talking Daniel into rejoining the team by then, it'll probably never happen."

Sam stared at her C.O. "And are you still willing to let him rejoin?"

"You know, I put a lot of thought into that over the weekend, and though I do have some concerns about how you two will be on missions, I decided that I'd still rather have Daniel on the team than someone else."

"But General Hammond doesn't know about us yet."

"No, and that is something you need to tell him."

Sam sighed. "Yes, I know."

After Jack left, Sam thought about what she and Daniel would have to tell General Hammond. They had managed to keep their relationship a secret for three weeks, but that was coming to an end. In the beginning, only a handful of people would know, but it was only a matter of time before the entire base found out.

The plan had been to tell Teal'c later today and General Hammond tomorrow morning, but Sam decided that there was another person she needed to talk to first.

She left her lab and descended to the twenty-first floor. She found Janet in her office.

"Um, hi."

The doctor looked up from a chart.

"Hi." Janet frowned upon getting a good look at Sam's expression. "Is there something wrong?"

"I have something I need to tell you. Would you be free to go off-base for lunch today?"

Janet's frown deepened. "Off-base? What do you have to tell me that you can't say here?"

"I need to do it in private, and I don't want us to get interrupted."

"Um, okay. Lunch off-base shouldn't be a problem. Noon?"

"That'll work. Come to my lab when you're ready to go."

Knowing that she'd feel uncomfortable talking about the whole thing in a public place, Sam took Janet to her house, the two of them stopping to get something to go on the way there.

"Okay, so what is this about?" Janet asked, studying Sam from across the dining room table.

Haltingly, with a whole lot of blushes, Sam told the doctor what happened the night she and Daniel first made love . . . and why she let it happen.

"Oh, Sam," Janet sighed, sympathy in her eyes.

"I know that I shouldn't have let it happen. Afterwards, I was so ashamed of myself. I knew that I'd taken advantage of Daniel's emotional state. I was sure that he'd hate me for it. He'd fallen asleep, and I just walked out. I couldn't bear to face him."

"But what about him? Knowing him as I do, I'm guessing that he was feeling just as guilty."

Sam nodded. "He believed that it was _he_ who took advantage of _me_. He blamed himself for the whole thing. It's one of the reasons why he decided to move away. Before he left for Minnesota, he sent me an email telling me how sorry and ashamed he was. After I read it I knew that I had to tell him the truth."

"That you were in love with him?"

"Um, no, I wasn't planning on telling him that. I was just going to admit that I'd wanted it to happen."

"And did you?"

"Yes, at the cabin while Teal'c and the colonel were gone. He was shocked, of course, but he told me that it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. But, even though he said that, I could tell that something was still bothering him. I thought that it was because he was still feeling guilty, not because he believed he took advantage of me, but because it happened at all, so soon after Sha're's death."

Janet nodded. "I could definitely see him feeling that way."

"I didn't get the chance to talk to him about it, not until after he got home. The day he got back, I invited him over for dinner. I was kind of hoping that he'd open up to me."

"And did he?"

"Um, yeah, but . . . but not in the way I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"Daniel confessed to me that, ever since it happened, he hadn't been able to get out of his mind how it felt and that he'd been, uh . . . wanting it to happen again."

Janet's face transformed into an expression of shock. "Sam, are you serious?"

"Completely. He knew that it was wrong to feel that way, but he couldn't help it. You can't imagine how knowing that made me feel. On the one hand, I knew that the wise thing to do was for us to just put it all behind us and go back to the way things were before, but, on the other hand, I couldn't get out of my head that Daniel was feeling that kind of desire for me. He'd gone home, and I went over there to talk about it, but, um . . ." Sam's eyes fell from the doctor's, "talking isn't what we ended up doing."

"Sam, please don't tell me that you and Daniel did it again."

"Yes, I'm afraid we did."

"Oh, Sam." This time, the tone of Janet's voice was not that of sympathy. The astrophysicist cringed, bracing herself for the reaction to her next words. She recounted to Janet the things she and Daniel said to each other before they made love.

"Sam, I can't believe you did that, even if you are in love with him. As for Daniel, I'm surprised, but I can at least understand his actions a little more, what with the things he's been going through over Sha're. He wouldn't be the first man who leaped into the arms of another woman after suffering such a devastating loss. But you should have known better."

Sam's head lifted. "Don't you think I know that, Janet? I know it was a foolish thing to do, but I just couldn't help myself. I have been attracted to Daniel since the day I met him. I tried to ignore it because he was married, but the more I got to know him, the stronger those feelings became. I've known for nearly a year that I am in love with him."

Janet sighed. "I do understand how powerful feelings like that are and how they can influence our actions, Sam, but you must have realized that it was only temporary, that Daniel would put an end to it."

Sam began to fidget, which told the doctor that there was more to come.

"Tell me the rest of it," she said.

Her cheeks turning red, Sam said, "At the, um, big moment, I blurted out that I loved him."

A slightly amused smile teased at Janet's lips. "Aren't guys the ones who usually do that?"

"I don't know. I've never had it happen to me."

"What was Daniel's reaction?"

"The first thing he said was that it was okay, and he wasn't upset. He then said some nonsense about me being out of his league, which I was quick to refute. I fell asleep there in his arms, but when I woke up the next morning, he wasn't in the bed. I became certain that he'd come to the conclusion that the whole thing was a mistake, and he was going to tell me that it couldn't happen again. When I left the bedroom and saw him, I just blurted out the thoughts that had been going through my head. He told me that I was wrong, that he didn't want to end it."

"He did?"

"Yes, but he told me more than that, Janet. He said that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, a _real_ relationship, boyfriend and girlfriend." Sam went on to tell her what Daniel said. "We've been together ever since then, and it's been fantastic." She then sighed. "But, now, you're going to tell me that we're both nuts."

"I wouldn't say nuts, Sam, but definitely foolish and short-sighted. Daniel admitted to you that he's not in love with you. How long do you think this can possibly last before he realizes that it can't go on?"

"I don't know, Janet. All I know is that, even though he's not in love with me, he makes me feel more loved than any other man ever has. He is so, so wonderful, the way he treats me, the way he makes love to me. He's opening up to me like he never has before, and I've been opening up to him."

Janet stared at her closely. "Sam, are you thinking that he might eventually fall in love with you?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"And what if he never does?"

"Then at least I will have had this time with him."

Janet let out a heavy sigh. "Sam, I know that this is making you happy and that you might think it's not a mistake, but I can't help but believe that it's asking for trouble and will end with you getting hurt and Daniel feeling awful because he had to end it. It could damage your friendship."

Sam shook her head. "I won't let it. No matter what, he will always be my friend."

Janet sighed again, only, this time, on the inside. She was sure this was a mistake that would have serious repercussions to Sam and Daniel's relationship, but it was obvious that Sam was not going to listen to reason.

"Please don't talk to Daniel about this, Janet," Sam said. "Colonel O'Neill found out and said some really nasty things to him."

The doctor frowned. "What kind of nasty things?"

"I can't tell you. Daniel wouldn't want me to." Sam smiled slightly. "Besides, it might make you want to come up with excuses to stick needles in the colonel."

That made Janet smile as well. "Ah. Well, his annual physical is coming up soon."

Both women laughed. They sobered at the same time.

"All right, Sam," Janet said. "I've made clear how I feel about this, so I won't tell you again, but if you ever need to talk about it some more, I'll be here for you."

"Thank you. But it's going to be okay. I know it is."

As they returned to their meal, Janet prayed with all her heart that Sam was right.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Feeling like two children sitting before the school principal, Daniel and Sam nervously shifted in their seats as they waited for General Hammond to finish a phone call.

The general bid the person on the phone goodbye, then hung up. He gave the couple a smile.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"There's something that you need to be made aware of, sir," Sam began. "It's, uh, to do with me and Daniel. You see, sir, we've sort of become . . . involved."

A frown came to Hammond's face. "Involved?"

"With each other," Daniel clarified.

Realization dawned in the base commander's light blue eyes. "You are in a romantic relationship?"

Sam nodded in affirmation. "For a few weeks now."

"I know that it's probably a big shock to you," Daniel said, "and I'm sure that you must have a lot of questions. How it got started is very private, so we'd rather not go into it, but if there are some other things you feel that you need to know, we'll tell you what we can."

Hammond sat in silence for several seconds. "Normally, I consider the personal relationships of people under my command to be none of my affair, unless it is against regulations, but I do have some misgivings about this, primarily your motivations and reasons for getting into this relationship, especially considering the recent death of Doctor Jackson's wife." He looked back and forth between them. "Are you in love with each other?"

Sam's and Daniel's eyes met for a second.

"I am in love with Daniel, sir," Sam admitted, feeling terribly embarrassed. "I have been for a long time."

"And I love Sam, too," Daniel said, "just not in that way."

That made the general's frown return. "Then I am afraid that I don't understand, Doctor Jackson."

Daniel could not remember ever feeling as embarrassed as he did right then. "It's . . . complicated."

"Of that I have no doubt."

Daniel gathered his courage and met the general's eyes straight on. "What I feel for Sam has gone beyond friendship. I love her as a friend, but I also have feelings that a . . . a man has for a woman."

"Ah. I believe I understand. Without going into details, I will tell you that I have experienced the same thing."

"You have?"

"Yes, a very long time ago, before I met my wife. Such a thing can be pretty confusing."

"Boy, have you got that right."

"I must also tell you that the relationship of which I speak did not end well."

Daniel's gaze dropped to his lap.

"What about your wife?" Hammond asked gently.

Daniel looked at him again. "What I feel for Sha're hasn't changed, sir. I still love her, and I still grieve for her. But what Sam and I have now makes me happy and makes that grief easier to bear." He looked at her. "We make each other happy."

The general studied the two of them, wondering where this would lead. "All right. Thank you for telling me. Since you are no longer on the same team, there should be no issues regarding work performance, at least none that would affect missions."

"Um, about that, sir," Sam said. "I was wondering what you'd think if Daniel was to ever decide that he wanted to come back to SG-1."

"I would have to think long and hard on that, Major. Two people in a romantic relationship being on the same SG team could lead to problems. What are Colonel O'Neill's thoughts about this?"

"He's not happy about it, but he still wants Daniel back on the team."

"I see. Very well. I will put some thought into it. If Doctor Jackson does decide that he wants back on SG-1, I will let you know then what my decision is."

The couple left the office.

"At least he didn't come right out and tell us that we're making a mistake," Sam said as they headed to the elevator.

"Well, technically, neither did Teal'c."

They had told the Jaffa about their relationship yesterday afternoon. Though it was true that Teal'c did not verbally express any misgivings, the look on his face told them that he was skeptical about the wisdom of their actions.

Daniel laid a hand on Sam's back and could feel the tension there.

"Come on. Let's get out of here," he said. "Let's leave the base for lunch."

Deciding that she did need to get away from there for a while, Sam agreed. They went together in Daniel's car, but the archeologist did not take them to a restaurant. Instead, he went to his apartment. Sam did not question him until they were inside it.

"Planning on fixing me lunch?" she asked in amusement.

"Yes, but that comes later."

Daniel had her sit sideways on the couch, and he settled behind her. When he told her to take off her top, she realized that he intended to give her a massage.

The moment that Daniel began to work on her muscles, Sam realized that, whatever it was that he was doing, it was way more than just a massage. He seemed to be finding all the places that hurt the most and making the ache disappear.

"Oh my God, Daniel," she said with a moan. "That feels amazing. Where did you learn to do this?"

"The physicians on Abydos don't just treat illnesses and injuries; they also practice a form of therapeutic massage. But it's not like the therapeutic massages that you get here, which can be quite painful. I asked them once where the knowledge of the technique came from, but they didn't know. I suspect that some of the Abydonians that were Ra's personal slaves were taught how to do it, and they passed the knowledge on to their people."

"So you learned it from an Abydonian physician?"

"Yeah. Sha're fell and hurt her back, and she was having lots of problems afterwards. I asked one of the doctors to teach me how to do the massage so that I could give her one every night until she was no longer hurting. I learned only a fraction of what a fully trained person would know, but it was enough."

It was no surprise to Sam that Daniel had learned how to do this in order to help Sha're. It was exactly the kind of thing a man like him would do.

By the time Daniel reached Sam's lower back, she was pain-free and so relaxed that she felt like she could sleep for hours. He ended the massage by wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the side of her neck. She turned around and kissed him.

"Daniel, you are incredible," she said. Then she smiled. "You really do never cease to amaze."

"Well, I'm happy that I amaze you."

Sam brought her lips to Daniel's in a second kiss, thinking how lucky she was to have a man like him.

Because so much of their lunchtime had been spent on the massage, Daniel and Sam made a couple of sandwiches and ate them on the way back to the base.

Sam was in her lab, a big smile on her face, when Janet walked in.

"Wow. You look pleased about something," the doctor said.

"Daniel took me to his apartment for lunch and gave me the most amazing massage. It's a special kind of therapeutic massage that he learned from the doctors on Abydos. You really need to get him to teach it to you, Janet. My muscles were one big knot from all the stress of this whole thing, and now I feel great."

Janet's expression became one of remorse. "I'm sorry that I'm part of the reason for that stress, Sam. I realize now that I could have been more supportive yesterday."

"You were being honest. I understand."

"I just worry that one or both of you are going to end up getting hurt."

"I know."

Janet looked earnestly into Sam's eyes. "But I really do hope that it works out, Sam. I mean that."

"Thanks."

"Have you told General Hammond yet?"

"Yes, this morning, which I think was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. He has his concerns, like everyone else does. He said that he would think about whether or not he'd allow Daniel back on SG-1 if Daniel ever decides he wants that."

"Colonel O'Neill would still be willing to have both of you on the team?"

Sam gave a nod. "He wants Daniel on SG-1 regardless."

Just then, the subject of their conversation walked in. When he saw Janet, he paused.

"Um . . . hi," he said, not knowing how to act. Sam had told him about the talk with Janet and how the doctor reacted to the news.

Janet stared at Daniel, clearly seeing how uncomfortable he was in her presence. It saddened her. She didn't want her opinion of his and Sam's relationship to get in the way of her friendship with them.

Though Sam had told her not to talk to Daniel about the situation, Janet realized that she really needed to know his thoughts and feelings. But it would probably be best to talk to him when he was alone.

"So was there something that you wanted, Janet?" Sam asked.

"Oh, yes. I almost forgot." The doctor pulled something out of her lab coat pocket and handed it to Sam. "Here's your refill. You must be just about out."

Both Sam and Daniel blushed upon seeing what the item was.

"Uh, yes. Thanks," Sam said, then hastily stuck the birth control patches in a drawer.

"Well, I'll see you two later," Janet said, then left.

"Was there any way that could have been more embarrassing?" Sam muttered.

"Sure there is. She could have done it in front of Jack." Daniel came all the way up to Sam. "I mean, it's not like I didn't already know that you're on birth control. You mentioned ages ago that it was a requirement for all women on SG teams."

"Yes, I know, but, back then, it didn't really mean anything, not for me. It was nothing more than a precaution in case something happened on a mission. But, now. . . ."

"It's actually needed."

"Yes, and Janet knows that."

Daniel searched her face. "Sam, does it bother you that Janet, Jack and Teal'c know that we're sleeping with each other?"

Sam thought about it. "I guess it does, in a way. The thing is that I don't think it would if they were happy about it."

Daniel nodded. "I know what you mean. It's one thing for them to know that we're sleeping together, but it's another thing entirely for them to know it and think that it's only happening because we're both fools."

"Yeah."

Daniel searched her face. "Do you regret it? If you do, Sam—"

"No," she quickly interrupted. "I don't regret it one bit. I want this, Daniel, with my whole heart. As far as I'm concerned, everyone else can just . . . just go jump in a lake somewhere!"

Daniel couldn't help but laugh at the declaration. "Well, if Jack starts getting difficult again, I will tell him you said to go do that."

That made Sam smile. "So was there a reason for you coming here or was it just to say hi?"

Daniel handed her a sheet of paper. "I finished that translation you were interested in."

Sam took the sheet. "Great. Thanks."

After telling her that he'd see her later, Daniel went back to his office. The afternoon was almost over when he got a surprise visit from Janet. He knew right off that it had nothing to do with a medical issue. That was confirmed by the doctor within a few seconds of her entrance.

"Daniel, I'm sure it's not something that you want to discuss with me, but I would really like to talk to you about your relationship with Sam."

The archeologist gave a sigh. "Not to be rude, Janet, but Jack and I already did that, and though I know that you'd never say some of the things he did, I really don't want to listen to more people telling us that we're being foolish and making a mistake."

"I'm not going to do that, Daniel, but I do want to understand more why you decided to do this. I understand Sam's motivations. . . ."

"But you're not clear on mine."

"No, but I would like to be. If you don't want to talk on base, Cassie is going to be at a friend's house tonight, so you could come over to my place."

Daniel fell silent. He knew that, sooner or later, he probably would have to talk to Janet about this. As a friend of both his and Sam's, it was only right that she know what his feelings and motivations were.

"All right. I can come over tonight. What time?"

"How about eight o'clock?"

"Okay."

As Janet left, the thought that went through Daniel's mind was that he was not looking forward to tonight.

* * *

><p>Janet watched the man sitting tensely on her couch.<p>

"Daniel, relax," she finally said with a little smile.

The archeologist made a conscious effort to do so. "I'm sorry. It's just getting a little irritating having everyone express doubts that Sam and I can have a successful relationship."

"They're not doubts about your compatibility, Daniel. That is not in question. The fact is that, under different circumstances, I'm betting that you could have a very strong, long-lasting relationship."

"But we can't under these circumstances?"

Janet let out a sigh. "You do have to admit that there are reasons for concern."

It was Daniel who sighed this time. "Yes, I know."

Janet settled in a chair across from him. "All right. Since it appears to be bothering you quite a bit, why don't we start with what Colonel O'Neill said to you."

Daniel made a face. "I'd really rather not tell you."

"I promise that it won't go any farther than me, Daniel. I feel that I need to know so that I'll understand what it is that you so strongly objected to."

Daniel thought about it. "All right. Do you want his exact words or shall I paraphrase it?"

"His exact words would be best."

Daniel did as she asked, repeating Jack's comment about what body part he had believed was doing Daniel's thinking. The frown on Janet's face told him how she felt about it.

"Well, I understand why it upsets you," she said.

"He did apologize and say that he didn't mean it."

"But that doesn't change the fact that he thought such a thing of you, however briefly."

Daniel stared down at his feet. "No."

"Well, I don't think that of you, Daniel, and I'm certain that Sam doesn't either."

"I know she doesn't. She told me so." He smiled ever so slightly. "I think she just about gave Jack frostbite the first time she saw him after I told her what he said."

Janet smiled as well. "Yes, I should imagine that she did." The smile faded. "This whole thing has been pretty emotional for both of you. I know how you felt after the first time you and Sam made love. If I had been in your position, I'd have felt the same way."

Daniel looked at her. "And what about what I felt later, Janet? I know that Sam must have told you that, too."

"I do admit that I was very surprised when Sam told me that."

"It made me even more ashamed. I could have chalked it up to the fact that I hadn't had consensual sex with a woman in two and a half years, but I'd gone way longer than that in the past. Besides. . . ."

"Besides what?"

Daniel's cheeks began to heat up. "If I'd wanted just sex, I could have gone to a bar and found someone. It sure would have been less complicated."

"Then what is it that you _did_ want?" Janet asked gently.

Daniel's gaze dropped yet again. "I . . . I wanted Sam. I wanted to be with her again in that way."

Janet's eyes searched his down-turned face. "Can to tell me why?"

"Because she took the pain and loneliness away. Because she made me feel alive and . . . and like there was something worth giving a damn about."

"Is that how you still feel?"

Daniel's head lifted, but his eyes were still downcast. "Yes." Then his eyes met hers, and she could see the sincerity in them. "During these weeks that I've been with Sam, I have felt better than I have since Sha're was taken. She makes me smile and laugh. Being with her makes me feel good, not just physically, but emotionally. More than that, it makes me feel good to make _her_ feel good, to make her happy." Daniel paused a moment. "I know you think that everything I'm feeling is nothing more than a reaction to losing Sha're. Maybe it is. Maybe I really am so pathetic that I'd fall into the arms of another woman only to stop the pain. All I know is that it doesn't feel like that to me."

Janet studied him for a long moment. "I need to ask you a very personal question, Daniel. When you make love to Sam, do you ever imagine that it's Sha're?"

"Absolutely not. The only time I had Sha're in my mind was in that dream that got this whole thing started. When I'm with Sam, I am with _her_, completely."

Daniel's answer relieved Janet's mind a great deal. Though she still had her misgivings, she felt better about the whole thing. She was still worried, though, that a day might come when Daniel no longer wanted to be with Sam as he did now.

"Thank you for talking with me, Daniel. I appreciate you being willing to open up that way."

The archeologist nodded. "So, have you told Cassie yet?"

"No. I figured that could wait until the Labor Day barbeque. We're having it here this year, so it will be a good opportunity for you to tell her."

"Yes, and I'm guessing that, by then, the entire base will know."

Janet searched his face. "That bothers you."

"Well, yes and no. What bothers me is what they might think about Sam."

"But not what they think about you?"

"Not really. Well, that is unless they think the same thing Jack did at first. That would definitely bother me."

Janet smiled slightly. "Well, I'm sure that Sam would straighten them out if she found out anyone thought that way."

A smile also came to Daniel's lips. "And perhaps give them a touch of frostbite, too."

* * *

><p>It had been almost a week since Daniel and Sam told General Hammond about their relationship, and, amazingly, the news had not yet spread to the rest of the base. The couple was happy about the failure of the base grapevine, though they knew that it wasn't going to last forever. They'd been very careful not to do anything while in the mountain that would clue anyone into what was going on, even limiting the number of times they went off-base for lunch together.<p>

This morning, Daniel was again in the control room, watching his ex-teammates as they waited to embark on a mission. This one was to a planet on which the Stargate appeared to be inside a warehouse. The DHD was covered with what looked like a sheet or dust cover, so it was a good bet that the Stargate hadn't been used in a while.

This time, Daniel remained in the control room as the gate activated, and his former teammates went through the wormhole. He then went off back to his office to work on yet another translation. Instead of doing so, however, he just sat and stared at the wall across the room. He had always enjoyed doing translations, to discover the meaning of the words written in some ancient script. He still enjoyed doing them. It was just that it seemed to be the only thing he _was_ doing. In the two and a half weeks since he rejoined the program, there had been no archeological puzzles brought to him, just translations. He would never have believed that he could get bored doing translations, but that's what he was starting to feel.

Daniel realized that he kind of missed going through the gate, the excitement of seeing what interesting places and people lay on the other side of the wormhole. He didn't miss fighting Jaffa, tangling with Goa'uld, and being put in other life-threatening situations, but he did miss the exploration and meeting people on other worlds. And, of course, he missed the opportunity to explore the archeological sites they sometimes found, even if he never did get to spend as much time doing that as he'd like to.

Daniel figured that, in time, this would pass, and he'd be satisfied just doing translations and whatever archeological projects came through the gate, although if there was ever a special mission that required his expertise, he wouldn't refuse to go.

Pushing all thoughts of missions out of his mind, Daniel got back to work. He'd been at it for less than two hours when there was an announcement of an unscheduled off-world activation. Frowning, Daniel looked at his watch. There were three teams out on missions, and it was the wrong time for any of them to be calling in. Did one of them get into trouble? Did SG-1 get into trouble?

Daniel's first instinct was to hurry to the control room to find out, but he decided to wait. If it involved SG-1, he'd be contacted.

When, a few minutes later, he got a call to go to the control room, he just about ran there, worried that something terrible had happened. Upon arriving in the control room, he discovered that Jack was in a conversation through the wormhole with Hammond.

"Hold on, Colonel," the general said. "Doctor Jackson just came in."

"Daniel," said Jack's voice. "That was quick. General Hammond and I were just talking about you."

"You were?"

Hammond explained. "It appears that there is a situation there that involves Linea."

Daniel looked at the man sharply. "Linea?" His concern returned. "She's there?"

"There is some uncertainty about her. She did go to the planet, but it is believed that she is now dead, although the proof is questionable."

Sam's voice came over the speaker. "The entire population has amnesia, Daniel. We don't know the whole story yet. We called to find out if you and Janet can come here."

"Me? Why do you need me?"

"There's a library with information that may hold the key to this, but there is a whole lot of stuff to go through. We need some help sorting through it all."

Hammond turned back to Daniel. "If you are willing to go there, you and Doctor Fraiser can leave as soon as the doctor is ready."

Daniel's mind went to the thoughts he had earlier. "Um, sure."

An hour and a half later, Daniel went through the gate with Janet and a medical team. They were greeted on the other side by Jack.

"Welcome, welcome, Daniel," Jack said with a little smile. "Did you enjoy the trip? Excited about being back through the gate? I'd be happy to arrange for it to become a regular occurrence again."

The archeologist stared at him. "Did you choose yourself to be the one to meet us just so that you could say that?"

"Um . . . maybe."

"Uh huh. That's what I thought."

Not answering Jack's questions, Daniel went with him and the others to a medical center. On the way, Jack filled Daniel and Janet in on what they knew about Linea's visit to the planet. Janet, who had not been told about Linea, was dismayed by the news.

"So you think this is where she went when she escaped through our gate?" Daniel asked Jack as they entered the center.

"Possibly. Nothing's for certain yet. Right now, I'd like to know what we're dealing with here."

"Sounds like a world-class case of amnesia," Janet responded. She looked over at a group of people sitting by the wall.

"Check these people out, will ya?" Jack said.

"Yes, sir. I'll find out what I can." She turned to her team. "Let's set up over here." They got busy setting up the medical equipment they'd brought as Daniel and Jack walked away a few paces. They were joined by Teal'c.

"Where's Sam?" Daniel asked Jack.

"Over at the library with a woman named Ke'ra. She's apparently one of the head honchos around here. I'll take you over there. Teal'c, you stay here and give Fraiser a hand."

The two men went to the library. Daniel saw Sam beside a woman with long, curly blonde hair. The two of them were hunched over a table, looking at a book. Sam glanced up and saw them.

"Daniel. I'm so glad you're here. Ke'ra, this is Doctor Jackson. He'll be a really big help in figuring this whole thing out. Daniel, this is Ke'ra. She's the Minister of Health, Science and Restructuring in Vyus' transitional government."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Doctor Jackson," Ke'ra said with a smile.

"Call me Daniel."

"You are a doctor?"

"No. Well, yes. I'm a doctor of archeology. I study the past."

"Then you are a most welcome visitor here, Daniel. Since the time of the Vorlix, all that you see here," she waved her hands about, "is what remains of our past."

"Well, I'm hoping that I can help figure out a way to change that."

"If you can, we will all be very grateful."

Daniel immediately got busy digging into books and documents, Ke'ra his constant companion. He asked her a lot of questions, learning everything that her own research had uncovered.

Ever since the incident they called the Vorlix, she had spent the lion's share of her time trying to uncover the truth about what happened, most of her knowledge coming from the papers and research notes of a man named Doctor Zervis, who was believed to be dead, killed along with Linea in an explosion. The bodies of the man and woman believed to be them were the only elderly people to have been found.

"I keep finding references to something called D'Argol," Daniel said.

"Yes, I found D'Argol was a chemical once used as a pesticide. It seems to have had a significant impact on the environment and has since been banned."

"Yes, we had a similar problem on my world with a chemical called DDT. It built up in the food chain until entire species were threatened."

"Yes. I first believed this D'Argol was related to our loss of memory much the same way, but there's little evidence of it. I've found residue only in the bodies of those who have died since the Vorlix."

Ke'ra looked at a photograph of an elderly man that she'd just found.

"What?" Daniel inquired.

"Sometimes, the images of people in the archives look familiar to me. I wonder if I knew this person or that person. There are still so many questions, like why are there no images of children, and where have our elders gone? Through your Stargate perhaps?"

"Well, I suppose it's possible your people foresaw a disaster coming and sent the most helpless to safety."

"No, Daniel. Whatever happened, happened quickly, without warning."

Daniel stared at her. "How do you know that?"

Instead of replying, she simply gave him a knowing smile. Suddenly, the answer came to him.

"Right. Of course. If you saw disaster coming, you would have left yourselves a message, something that explained what happened and why."

Ke'ra's smile brightened. "Exactly."

Over at the opposite end of the long table, Sam was staring at the woman with Daniel. She didn't much care for the way Ke'ra was smiling at him. It was more than just a friendly smile, and she'd noticed the way that the woman had been looking at him.

_'I will not be jealous. I will not be jealous,'_ she silently told herself. She looked at Jack, who'd come in with Teal'c just a few minutes ago. He was now sitting beside her and had a thoughtful look on his face.

"Sir?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about amnesia. It doesn't quite track with Linea's nickname."

"The Destroyer of Worlds," Teal'c said.

"Yeah, that one."

"Well, actually, in sort of a sick way, it does," Sam said. "Ke'ra said herself that their society was on the verge of collapse, despite their efforts. This world is in trouble, sir."

"Perhaps Linea was experimenting with other ways in which to destroy worlds," Teal'c suggested.

Jack looked at him. "Variety being the spice of life and all?"

"The fact is, sir, we let Linea out of Hadante prison," Sam said. "We gave her everything she needed to know about the network of Stargates to go anywhere she wanted."

"I know."

"We're responsible, sir."

"I know."

* * *

><p>Daniel stared at the results of an MRI scan. With him were Janet, Ke'ra and two other people from the planet Vyus. It had been decided that it would be easier to bring volunteers from Vyus to Earth for the tests Janet needed to conduct, although "volunteer" might not exactly be the right word when it came to Orner, who had been very reluctant to go through the Stargate. Daniel suspected that the only reason he agreed to come was that Ke'ra asked. The man appeared to have a bit of a crush on her.<p>

Janet pointed at an area of the scan. "Now, if you look at the blue areas, you'll see that you all have the same identical obstructions in your temporal lobes and hippocampus sections of your brain. I'm not exactly sure what it is, except that it's some sort of residue between the synapses. So it's possible your old memories are intact. They're just not accessible."

Daniel understood what that meant. "So the memories are just blocked."

"Literally. Yes."

"And does this material match the D'Argol residue that I gave you?" Ke'ra asked.

"We should be able to confirm that very quickly," Janet replied. "And if it can be dissolved or removed without damaging the neurons. . . ."

"Then we can be cured," said the woman with Orner.

Ke'ra began to grow excited. "We need only to find the right medicine to dissolve the residue."

Janet decided that she needed to put the brakes on. "That is much more difficult than it sounds."

"Well, then we should get started immediately."

"Uh, Ke'ra, we've already been at it for a long time, and I still have some tests to run, so. . . ."

Daniel jumped in, addressing Ke'ra. "So why don't I give you the fifty-cent tour?"

"Yes," Janet said, agreeing that it was an excellent idea.

Ke'ra turned to her. "Thank you."

Daniel took Ke'ra on a brief tour of the base, answering most of the questions she had. They ended the tour at the VIP room that had been assigned to the woman.

"So this is it," the archeologist said. "Not much of a view, I'm afraid, but it's got all the comforts of home. Um, well, some of them, at least."

Ke'ra gazed at him. "You've been very kind. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Anyway, if you'd like to change clothes, there are clean ones in the dresser."

"Is my clothing unsuitable?"

"No, of course not. It's fine. Um, would you like something to eat? You're probably pretty hungry by now."

"No, I do not wish food at this time." She approached him. "I would like something else."

"Oh?"

"Since the Vorlix, close contact has become almost taboo. We were afraid that if we were ever able to regain our memories. . . ."

"You would find yourself waking up beside the wrong person."

She stared into his eyes. "You . . . are not from Vyus."

Comprehension dawned upon Daniel. "Uhhhh." He took a step back as she took another toward him. He held up his hand, stopping her progress. "Ke'ra, wait."

A look of disappointment flashed across her face.

"I understand," she said, then quickly turned away.

"No, I don't think you do. You see, I'm already in a relationship."

The blonde turned back to him. "Oh."

"So, while I do consider you to be an attractive woman, I really wouldn't be interested in, um, being more than a friend. I hope you understand."

"Yes, although I must admit that I am disappointed. The woman with whom you are in a relationship is very fortunate."

"Well, I don't know about that."

"May I ask who it is? Is it someone I have met?"

"Yes, it's Sam, Major Carter."

"How long have you been involved?"

"Not long, around a month since we started, uh, dating."

Daniel decided that getting out of there would be a good idea. He headed for the door. "Well, I'll let you get some rest. If you change your mind about eating, you can ask anyone for directions to the commissary."

Daniel made his escape. He didn't fully relax until the door was shut behind him. Okay, that he had not seen coming. Maybe he should have, but he'd always been rather oblivious whenever a woman became interested in him until he was just about hit over the head with it.

He just hoped that Ke'ra's attraction to him wasn't going to cause a problem.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Sam was very busy staring at nothing and had been doing so for the past ten minutes. Around an hour ago, she learned from Janet that Daniel was taking Ke'ra on a tour of the base. That really shouldn't have bothered her. Daniel was just being his usual polite, gentlemanly self. But she couldn't get out of her head the way that Ke'ra had been staring at him in the library, like that of someone who had found something they very much wanted. It had not been the same as Lila, the woman in the bar, looked at him, which was merely casual attraction. In Ke'ra's eyes was something more . . . aggressive.

Sam's gaze returned to the book on the worktable. It was Linea's diary, which she'd found in the library. She had been looking through it before she went to the infirmary to see how things were coming along, and she really should get back to that.

Sam was reaching for the book when Daniel came walking in. Sam smiled upon seeing him.

"How's it going?" she asked.

"Um . . . okay. I took Ke'ra on a short tour of the base, then dropped her off at her quarters."

Sam noticed the troubled frown on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Uhhh . . . well. . . ." Daniel's voice trailed off, and the frown was replaced by an expression of discomfort. "Ke'ra sort of, um . . . hit on me."

Sam quickly slapped down the jealousy that reared back up inside her. "She did?"

"It happened in her quarters. She told me that, ever since the Vorlix, intimate contact had become pretty much taboo because everyone was afraid that they might get involved with someone only to discover, upon recovering their memories, that they were already in a relationship with someone else."

"So they've all been celibate for over a year?"

"I guess so." Daniel began to blush. "Ke'ra then let me know that, because I'm not from Vyus, she didn't think it would be taboo if I was the one she, uh . . . had some intimate contact with. I told her that I was involved with you, and that was the end of it, but it was still kind of . . . disconcerting."

Sam studied Daniel's expression. It was clear that the situation had made him uncomfortable, and she suddenly felt very ashamed about getting jealous. Daniel had told her that he was committed to their relationship, and she had sworn to herself that she'd never get jealous again, yet, the very next time a woman developed an interest in him, all that went right out the window. She should have had complete confidence that Daniel would not reciprocate any desire Ke'ra might have for him. She should have trusted that he really was committed to her.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

The question jarred the astrophysicist from her thoughts. She realized that her face must have reflected what she was thinking.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel," she said.

"For what?"

"In the library, I could see that Ke'ra was very interested in you, and, well, she's pretty, intelligent, and appears to be very compassionate, and I kind of got . . . jealous again. I know you told me that I had no reason to ever be jealous, but I couldn't help myself."

Daniel stared at Sam, who was now looking at the floor. He knew why this had happened. Sam still feared that some woman would come along and steal his heart. He honestly couldn't picture that happening, but he didn't know what he could say or do to banish Sam's fear once and for all.

"We need to talk about this, Sam," he said. "Once this stuff with the Vyuns is resolved, we are going to sit down together and do that."

Sam looked at him and shook her head. "It's not necessary, Daniel. I was just being stupid."

"Sam, you wouldn't have felt that way if you didn't still have worries about our relationship. So we are going to talk. I won't take no for an answer."

Sam stared into his eyes, seeing the firm determination there. She'd seen that look many times before and knew that there would be no getting out of that conversation.

"All right," she said.

"Good." Daniel's gaze went to the book on the table. "Is that Linea's diary?"

"Yes, although it's more like a research journal. Apparently, Linea found a link between D'Argol and longevity."

"Longevity? Wasn't D'Argol a chemical pesticide?"

"Yes, but it appeared to be having the effect of slowing the ageing process. Not in an extreme way, but certainly significant enough. The problem was that it was also adversely affecting their fertility rate, which is why they stopped using it over twenty years ago."

Daniel realized what this meant. "That's why there aren't any signs of children on Vyus, not even photos."

Sam nodded. "Because there were no longer any children to take pictures of."

"So what was Linea's interest?"

"She was trying to enhance the life-extending properties of D'Argol to create a sort of fountain of youth."

"She was hoping to make herself young again?"

"Yes. I haven't read any further in the journal, so I don't yet know what kind of tests or experiments she ran."

Daniel picked up the journal and began skimming through it. He reached the part where Linea was discussing her discovery and what she believed she might be able to achieve. He continued to read from there. As he read the final entry, the implication of what it said struck him right between the eyes.

"Ohhh, boy," he said.

"What? What's wrong?"

"In Linea's last entry, she says that she was about to conduct some lab experiments using an intensely concentrated form of D'Argol on two Vyun elders, a man and woman. There's nothing more after that." Daniel looked at Sam. "What if the experiment was a success, Sam, but it also resulted in something she didn't count on?"

Realization dawned on the major. "Oh, boy. There was an accident, a massive chain reaction of enhanced D'Argol gas that caught even Linea by surprise. The entire population became young again overnight."

Daniel nodded. "They haven't found the elders on Vyus because they _are_ the elders. The fountain of youth actually worked."

"The amnesia was simply a side effect Linea didn't see coming."

Daniel's expression turned very serious. "Sam, there's something else this tells us. Jack said that the bodies of two elderly people were found in the wreckage of an explosion, which we can assume was the lab accident. This says that Linea was using two test subjects, an elderly man and woman."

Sam's breath caught. "Oh, no. Daniel, that means that. . . ."

"The body of the woman was not Linea."

"But that means that she could still be alive."

Daniel's head nodded again. "And I think we both know who it is."

"You're right. It does fit. Linea was a brilliant chemist and had medical knowledge."

Daniel slowly sat down. "I don't want to believe this, Sam. She has shown so much empathy and compassion for the Vyuns. It seems inconceivable for someone like that to actually be the mass murderer we know that Linea was."

"I know what you mean, Daniel. There must have been something in Linea's past that turned her into the kind of person she became. Now that those memories are gone, that evil is also gone."

Daniel met Sam's eyes. "She can never be allowed to get those memories back."

"Yes, you're right. Even if we succeed in coming up with an antidote, we can't let her take it."

Daniel rose to his feet. "We need to let everyone else know."

They requested an emergency meeting in the briefing room. Hammond, Jack, Teal'c and Janet were all there. Needless to say, everyone was alarmed by the news that the archeologist and astrophysicist revealed.

"We will have to confirm this with a DNA test," Janet said. "I got a sample of Linea's when she was here, and I now have one from Ke'ra. With the advanced DNA processing we now have available to us, I can have the results within a few hours."

"In the meantime, I think it would be prudent to keep Ke'ra confined to her quarters," Hammond said.

Daniel frowned. "The problem with that is that she'll get suspicious and want to know what's going on."

"Well, we certainly can't let her run around loose, Daniel," Jack said.

"I know that, Jack. How about if we post guards outside her door, and they can claim to be her escorts if she decides to leave her quarters? As long as she has no memory of who she is, I really don't think she's a danger to us. Once we know for sure one way or the other, we can decide what to do."

Hammond paused a moment, then nodded. "Very well. We will meet back here as soon as Doctor Fraiser has the DNA test results. Dismissed."

Daniel headed to his office, accompanied by his ex-teammates.

"I know you're not going to agree, Daniel," Jack said, "but, in my opinion, they should lock her up in the brig. I'm not gonna sleep well until I'm sure that she is no longer a danger to us."

"Jack, she is not Linea, not in the way that counts. I don't know what it was that made her turn out the way she did, but something terrible must have happened that twisted her into becoming the 'Destroyer of Worlds'. The point is that she no longer has those memories. For over a year she has been helping the people of Vyus with her skills. She is not who she used to be. As far as I'm concerned, as long as she never regains her memories, Linea _is_ dead."

"I do agree with a lot of what you said, Daniel," Sam responded. "The question is, how are we going to deny her the antidote without telling her why? She's going to have to be told."

Daniel sighed. "Yes, I know, and when that time comes, I'll be the one to tell her."

Jack and Teal'c left a short while later, Sam lingering behind.

"You like her," she said.

"Yes, I do. Ke'ra is a good person who's devoted her life to helping others. I want her to stay that person."

Sam paused for quite a while before speaking her next thought. "Daniel, if you and I weren't in a relationship, do you think that you would have reciprocated her feelings for you?"

"My first instinct is to say no. I think it would still be too soon after Sha're's death for that to happen. But I can't really know for sure." Daniel caught her eyes. "But it doesn't matter anyway because I _am_ in a relationship with you. You are the one I want." He stood up. "Come on. I never had lunch, so I'm starving."

The couple headed for the commissary, leaving the issue of Ke'ra for later.

* * *

><p>"I'm afraid that it's been confirmed," Janet told the other people in the briefing room. "The DNA samples match."<p>

"So, Ke'ra is Linea," Daniel said, wishing that the answer had been a different one.

"Yes."

"For the sake of everyone's safety, then, she will need to be confined to quarters until after the Vyuns' medical issue is resolved," Hammond said.

"And what about afterwards?" Jack asked.

"As long as she is never able to regain her memories, I think she should be allowed to return to Vyus," Daniel replied. "She was doing a lot of good there."

"And what happens, Daniel, if she figures out how to make the antidote someday? She's the one who caused this problem. She could do something even worse next time."

"So you want to throw her in prison for crimes that she doesn't even remember committing? If prison is where we're going to put her, then she needs to be given her memories back so that she at least knows what she did to deserve it."

Janet jumped into the argument. "At this stage, we don't even know if we will be able to find an antidote."

"All right," Hammond said. "Let's put aside that discussion for later. Right now, someone needs to inform Ke'ra that she is confined to quarters."

"I'll do it," Daniel responded. "So what should I tell her? The truth? We're going to have to sooner or later, although I'm betting that she's not going to believe it."

"Tell her only if you have no other choice. At this point, I think it would be best if she did not know."

As Daniel, Janet, and SG-1 waited for the elevator, Sam's eyes were on the archeologist's face. It was easy to see that he was not looking forward to what he was about to do.

"Are you going to be okay, Daniel?" she asked. "Would you like me to come with you?"

"No, I think it's best if I do this alone."

They all rode up the elevator together, Daniel being the first to get off. He could feel the eyes of the others on him, but he did not look back. He came to a stop before the door to Ke'ra's quarters. A guard stood on either side of it. He paused for a couple of seconds, then knocked. When Ke'ra opened the door and saw that it was him, she smiled. He tried to smile back but wasn't quite successful. She must have seen something on his face because her smile faded.

"Is something wrong?"

"May I come in?" Daniel asked.

"Of course."

Ke'ra stepped aside to let him enter. He went to the middle of the room and turned to her.

"There's, uh, been some new developments, so, for now, I'm afraid that you're going to have to remain here in your quarters."

"Why? I do not understand."

"It would probably be best if I didn't explain everything to you now. I will tell you that more happened during the Vorlix than just losing your memories."

"Is that why there are guards outside my door, and I can no longer go anywhere alone?"

Daniel paused before replying. "Yes. I promise that I will explain everything later."

"Is Doctor Fraiser still working toward a cure for our amnesia?"

"Yes. Yes, she is."

"So I can rest assured?"

There was another pause before Daniel said, "Yes."

"Very well. I trust that you will explain what this is about at the right time."

"I will, Ke'ra. Have you had dinner yet? I can have something sent down for you, if you haven't."

"That would be nice. Thank you."

After finding out what she'd like to eat, he placed the call to the kitchen. He told Ke'ra that he'd see her later, then went to his office. He took a seat at his desk and stared at the screen saver on the monitor. The staring went on for about ten minutes before he got back up and went to Sam's lab.

"How did it go?" she asked him.

"All right. I managed to avoid telling her, but she's understandably puzzled about what's going on." Daniel sat on a chair. "You have no idea how much I'm dreading telling her."

"I think I do, Daniel. That would not be an easy thing to tell someone."

Sam came up to him and laid a hand on his back. Feeling how tight the muscles were, she gave him a smile.

"I think that you're the one in need of a massage this time."

"That sounds wonderful, but it'll have to wait until after this whole thing is resolved. I'm going to be staying here tonight. How about you?"

"I'm afraid that it's going to be a long night for me and Janet. We need to get started right away on coming up with an antidote."

"You're going to be helping with that?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah. Not that I'm an expert on that sort of thing. I'll just be helping out where I can."

"Well, I really hope that you guys find the antidote quickly."

* * *

><p>Jack and General Hammond walked into the medical lab to find Janet massaging her forehead and Sam sitting with her back to the desk. Neither of them looked very happy.<p>

"Oh my," Jack said. "There is a distinct lack of optimism in this room."

"We've been working around the clock trying to dissolve a chemical inside the brain without harming the surrounding tissue, and it is not easy," Janet responded.

"What have you learned?" Hammond asked.

It was Sam who answered. "That it could take years, sir."

"Suffice it to say, we don't have that much time."

"Unless we get help," Janet said.

"From?" Jack asked. He stooped over and looked through a microscope.

"Ke'ra, sir," Sam replied.

That made Jack stand up straight and stare at her in surprise.

"Absolutely not," General Hammond said in a firm voice.

"Sir, I don't like the idea any more than you," Janet told him, "but, without her knowledge of biochemistry, especially of the residual D'Argol, I don't know if we can reverse the effects of the amnesia in time to prevent a catastrophe on Vyus."

"Doctor, you're asking me to allow a known homicidal maniac to work with potentially lethal substances."

"Yes, sir, but, with all due respect, Daniel may be right. Ke'ra may be an entirely different person than Linea, without the memories that made her the person she was."

Jack felt the need to say something. "Excuse me. Amnesia check. Destroyer of Worlds?"

"Sir, Ke'ra wants nothing more than to help her people," Sam said. "Now, as long as she doesn't take the antidote that she comes up with. . . ."

"There won't be an antidote without her help," Janet added. "So. . . ."

"So . . . it's up to you, sirs."

Jack and Hammond exchanged glances.

"I think a precaution or two might be in order, sir," Jack said hesitantly.

"You're right about that, Colonel."

Daniel and Teal'c were called to the lab. Upon arriving, they were told the situation.

"Colonel O'Neill has informed me that you said you would break the news to Ke'ra about her identity," Hammond said to Daniel.

"Yes, sir. Is that what you want me to do?"

"Only if you believe it is necessary."

"Teal'c is going with you," Jack said. His voice firmed. "It's not optional."

Though Daniel thought that Teal'c's presence was unnecessary, he didn't object. The two of them went to Ke'ra's quarters. Upon being told that she was being taken to the infirmary, the two men who had been guarding her room took up position behind the archeologist and Jaffa.

Daniel knocked on Ke'ra's door. When she opened it and saw the four men, her expression showed her alarm.

"It's all right," Daniel told her soothingly.

"What have I done, Daniel?"

Daniel thought about lying and saying that she hadn't done anything. Instead, he said, "We're going to escort you to the medical lab. Doctor Fraiser needs your help."

Jack was still in the lab when they got there. He stared at Ke'ra for a long moment, then looked one by one at Daniel, Sam and Janet.

"Let me know when you've got something," he said. He then left, giving Ke'ra one final glance.

"Ke'ra, we need your help with the antidote," Janet said. "Sam and I have been working at it almost nonstop, and we've been unable to find a way to dissolve the D'Argol without damaging the surrounding tissue."

Ke'ra stepped forward. "Certainly. May I see what you have done so far?"

"Of course."

The three women got to work. Daniel stayed for several minutes, but he finally decided that he was just wasting time since there was nothing he could do to help. He returned to his office, though he didn't bother trying to return to work since he knew that it would be pointless. Instead, he tried to compose in his head how he was going to tell Ke'ra that she was Linea. Ke'ra knew what Linea had done, Daniel having told her in the library. Now, it would be up to him to tell her that _she_ was Linea, the woman who deliberately created a plague that decimated an entire planet's population.

Hearing a small sound, Daniel looked up to see Jack standing in the doorway.

"You know, you don't have to be the one who tells her," the colonel said as he came into the room and shut the door. "It's not your responsibility."

"I know, but I feel like I need to be the one."

"Why? Because you can break it to her gently?"

Daniel looked away, his gaze falling to the desk.

Jack's gaze turned penetrating. "Or is there another reason? I know you like and respect her. You made that clear. Is there more to it than that?"

Daniel's eyes went back to him. "What are you implying?"

"You tell me."

Daniel's gaze hardened. "I'm in a relationship with Sam, Jack, in case you've forgotten."

"Oh, I'm not likely to forget that, Daniel. I'm just wondering why you have been defending Ke'ra so adamantly."

Daniel rose to his feet. "Because Ke'ra is a good person who has done a lot of good things. Because I think she deserves to be treated as such. How many times in the past have I defended some person or action because I thought it was the right thing to do? You didn't question my motives back then, so why now? Is it because you are so certain that my relationship with Sam hasn't a chance in hell of succeeding that you're now imagining me feeling things for Ke'ra to validate that belief?"

"I didn't say that."

"No, but you're saying something. So tell me, Jack. Why is it that you would think I have feeling for Ke'ra even though I've done nothing more for her than I've done for others in the past?"

Jack looked away. "I don't know."

Daniel's gaze narrowed. "You're lying."

Jack closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "All right, Daniel. I guess I did let my beliefs about your relationship with Carter affect what I saw."

Daniel stared at him. "Do you have any idea how insulting that is, for you to believe that I would get into a relationship with Sam, then switch my attention to the next woman who comes along?"

"Daniel, that's not what I meant, and you know it. You told me yourself that you're not in love with Carter. So how do I know that you're not gonna fall for someone else?"

Daniel's gaze fell again as he thought about Sam and how she worried about the same thing. But then another thought came to his mind, and he returned his gaze to Jack.

"Do you want me to fall for someone else?"

"Of course not," the colonel instantly replied. "I wouldn't want to see Carter get hurt." His eyes then left Daniel's. He picked up an artifact that was on the desk and began playing with it as the archeologist kept staring at him.

A suspicion began growing inside Daniel. "When you accused me of getting into a relationship with Sam just for the sex, I couldn't believe that you would think such a thing of me. I couldn't understand why you got so mad, but now I think I've figured it out."

"Oh, and what do you think you've figured out?" Jack asked, a bite in his tone, his eyes still not meeting Daniel's.

"You have feelings for Sam."

"Daniel, she is under my command. You know that there are regs against stuff like that."

"Regulations can't control how someone feels." Daniel took a step toward his friend. "Jack. Please. I need to know."

Jack was silent for several seconds, then drew in a deep breath. "I guess I . . . I have felt some . . . things for Carter that aren't strictly limited to . . . friendship."

"You're in love with her."

Jack finally looked at Daniel. "No. But I think that it might have gone that way eventually."

Daniel now felt terrible. "I'm sorry."

"You don't owe me an apology, Daniel. Actually, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I let those feelings for Carter affect my reaction to finding out about you and her. The thing is that I didn't even realize it until now. I was jealous, and I didn't even know it. Pretty pathetic."

Daniel shook his head. "No. No, it's not pathetic, Jack. You didn't realize that you were jealous because you don't want to have those kinds of feelings for Sam since nothing can come of it. Sam has no idea, does she."

"No, and she's not going to, because you're not going to tell her. Got it?"

Daniel nodded.

Jack stared into his friend's eyes. "Daniel, though I may feel things for Carter that I shouldn't, I did mean it when I said that I hoped the two of you would prove that I was wrong about your relationship."

Daniel said nothing, only giving Jack a slight nod. He sat back down. Knowing that Jack had feelings for Sam made him feel bad, although, even if he wasn't in a relationship with her, there would never have been one between her and Jack.

"You're not gonna get all weird on me now, are you?"

Jack's voice interrupted Daniel's thoughts. He looked up at the man.

"What?"

"Knowing that I have a bit of a thing for her isn't going to make you uncomfortable, is it?"

"I'll try not to feel that way."

"Good, because there's something that I need to make clear to you. Even if there were no regs against it, and Carter wasn't already in love with you, I'd give a relationship between us a one in ten chance of success. She and I are too different. Any relationship we got into would probably end inside six months. I've known that from the start."

Daniel nodded again, his eyes going to his computer. "If I ask you a question, Jack, will you give me an honest answer?"

"That all depends on the question."

"What odds are you putting on Sam and my relationship?"

"Daniel, you can't expect me to answer that."

"Then at least tell me if you think that the odds are better or worse than you'd give a relationship between you and her."

Jack took quite a while to reply. "I don't know. A bit better, I guess. The thing is that you have a habit of defying the odds. You've done it more times than I can count. Carter's done it a few times, too. So whatever odds I put against you, in the end, it probably wouldn't matter."

Jack headed for the door but was stopped by Daniel's voice.

"Thank you for telling me the truth."

Jack met his eyes, gave him a nod, then left.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Sam felt eyes upon her. She looked up to see that Ke'ra was watching her.

"Daniel has told me that you and he are in a relationship," the woman said.

The statement surprised Sam. "Um, yes, we are. Most people here don't know about it, though, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about it around other people."

"May I ask why you are keeping it a secret?"

"It isn't really a secret. My teammates know. So do General Hammond and Janet. We just don't want to be the target of a lot of gossip around base. It's . . . kind of a complicated situation."

"I see." Ke'ra studied Sam for a moment. "Are you in love with him?"

"That's an awfully personal question, Ke'ra."

"I am sorry. You're right. It is not my place to ask."

This time, it was Sam who was doing the staring. "Okay, let's put all our cards on the table. I know that you're interested in him. He told me about what happened in your quarters."

Ke'ra was obviously surprised. "He did? I would not have expected that."

"Daniel and I have a very honest relationship. He would not have kept something like that a secret from me."

"I see. Then I will be honest as well. I find Daniel to be a very attractive and stimulating man. Since the Vorlix, everyone on Vyus has chosen not to embark on any relationships because none of us know if we are attached to someone. It has been . . . very lonely."

"Yes, I can imagine so."

"In Daniel I see someone with whom I could become very close. However, that will obviously not be the case if he is in a relationship with you."

At that moment, Janet came back into the room, something for which Sam was grateful.

"It's late," Janet said. "General Hammond suggested that we all stop for the night and get some sleep. We can start fresh in the morning when our minds will be clearer."

"When will we resume?" Ke'ra asked.

"Let's make it seven a.m."

Ke'ra exited the lab, Sam watching her leave.

"Is something wrong, Sam?"

The major turned to Janet, who was looking at her questioningly. "I don't know if I should tell you this, but Ke'ra hit on Daniel."

The doctor's eyes widened slightly. "She did? When?"

"Right after he took her on that tour of the base."

"What did he do about it?"

"He let her know that he was in a relationship with me, and that's as far as it went. But Ke'ra was just probing me about our relationship, and. . . ."

"And what?"

Sam shook her head. "It's nothing. I think I'm just letting my knowledge of who she is affect what I'm seeing."

Janet frowned. "Sam, though Ke'ra may have no memory of the atrocities that she committed, something in her personality allowed her to become what she did. Now, I'm not saying that, without those memories, she'd still go down the same path, but if you have a bad feeling about her, you should be honest about it."

"No, it's okay. Like I said, I'm just being influenced by what I know about her past." Sam rose from the stool upon which she'd been sitting. "I'm going to go get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Instead of going to her quarters, Sam went to Daniel's office. She came to a halt upon seeing him asleep at his desk, his head pillowed on his crossed arms. Smiling softly, she came up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. His eyes blinked open, and his head lifted.

"Sorry. I guess I dozed off," he said as he put on his glasses.

"Why didn't you go to bed?"

"I wanted to know how things were going."

"We've stopped for the night. I'm on my way to my quarters now. We have made good progress, though." Sam tugged at his arm. "Come on. We both need to get some sleep."

Daniel and Sam went down to Level 25 together. They came to a stop at the door to Sam's quarters.

"I wish we could share a bed tonight," the archeologist said.

"Me too. I'm really hoping we'll have an antidote soon so that I don't have keep sleeping on base."

The couple wished each other good night, and Daniel walked two doors down to his own quarters as Sam entered hers. She got ready for bed, then crawled under the covers. After turning off the light, she laid in the darkness, thinking about Ke'ra and the "vibe" she'd gotten from the woman. It wasn't really hostility. It was more of a feeling that Ke'ra looked upon her as a rival. The problem was that rivalry could sometimes turn nasty, especially in the case of two women interested in the same man. Not that Sam thought that Ke'ra would try to compete for Daniel's affections. Even if she did, she wouldn't get anywhere with him. Of that Sam was certain. Even so, she couldn't wait for Ke'ra to be away from Daniel and out of their lives.

* * *

><p>Sam approached Ke'ra and Janet. The former was in the process of mixing two chemicals.<p>

"Now be careful, Ke'ra," Janet warned. "That could become unstable or even explosive."

Ke'ra's gaze turned to her. "An unbalanced mixture could create a deadly poisonous gas. We must not exceed a three percent solution."

"Okay. Three percent."

Knowing that there was nothing she could do to help them, Sam went over to Daniel, who had arrived a few minutes ago.

"She's brilliant," the astrophysicist said in a low voice so as not to be overheard.

Daniel nodded. "Yeah."

"She's so far ahead of us, Daniel. It's frightening."

The archeologist frowned slightly at the comment. The attempt to find a cure to the amnesia had resumed just a few hours ago, but, from what he could see, had already made great strides. At the rate they were going, they might have an antidote well before the end of the day. Once they did, he would have no choice but to tell Ke'ra that she could never take it and the reason why.

It was so sad that a woman as brilliant as Linea had become so evil. Her knowledge and skills could have saved millions. Instead, they took the lives of millions. Why? Why did she turn out like that? It was a question that would very likely never be answered.

"Are you all right?"

Daniel looked at Sam, who'd asked the question.

"I'm just thinking about how someone with so much potential for good could turn out so bad."

"I know what you mean." Sam's gaze grew searching. "Are you also thinking about what you're going to have to tell her?"

Daniel nodded. "I've tried composing the words in my head, but no matter how I say it, I know it's going to be hard for her to take."

Sam laid her hand on his arm. "I know you'll do the best that anyone could. You are so good at things like that. You always seem to find the right words to say to make people feel better. You've done it with me more times than I can count."

Daniel gave her a smile of gratitude. "Thanks. I appreciate the words of encouragement."

Across the room, Ke'ra glanced up and saw Daniel and Sam gazing at each other. Jealousy speared through her. The feelings that had grown inside her for Daniel were strong, and it upset her that he did not feel the same, that his heart belonged to another woman. If only he could forget about Samantha Carter. Then, surely, he would come to feel something for her.

For a moment, Ke'ra thought about exposing him to the concentrated form of D'Argol. Then all his memories would be gone, including those of Major Carter, and she could convince him that they were lovers. He would then be hers. The problem was that it wouldn't work since the people here at the SGC would tell him the truth. And if they did succeed in coming up with an antidote, it would be given to him as well.

Ke'ra mentally shook her head. She shouldn't even be thinking such a thing. It would be wrong to do that to Daniel. She needed to just concentrate on coming up with the antidote.

Ke'ra and Janet finally succeeded in creating a mixture that tests indicated would not harm brain tissue and might succeed in dissolving the D'Argol residue. There was, however, only one way to know for sure if it would work.

They were now in the infirmary with Orner and the Vyun woman, Diean. Orner was sitting on one of the beds. Also there were Sam, Teal'c, two guards, and some other medical personnel.

Janet filled a hypodermic with the test antidote as Ke'ra watched her.

"There is some danger," the blonde said. "I would prefer to test it on myself."

"That's not an option," the doctor told her.

"May I ask why?"

"Because, if it's unsuccessful, we'll need your help to try again."

"If it's unsuccessful, Orner may die. I would never forgive myself."

Orner spoke up. "Then I forgive you now. I know how important this is to our people."

Both Ke'ra and Diean looked unhappy about the situation.

"It must be injected directly into the carotid artery," Janet told Orner. She sterilized the spot on his neck with a swab. "Right here." She met his eyes. "You ready?"

Upon getting a nod, Janet placed the hypo against the man's neck. Under any other circumstances, she would never dream of doing something like this without a great deal more testing, but the situation with the Vyuns would not allow for months of drug-testing, nor even weeks. Every day brought the civilization closer to collapse.

Praying that she didn't kill Orner, she injected the fluid into his artery.

"How do you feel?" Ke'ra asked the man. "The effect should be almost immediate."

An expression of surprise came to his face. "I feel something." His heart rate began to increase.

"Are you recalling anything?" Janet asked.

Suddenly, Orner went into convulsions. He fell back on the bed.

"Orner!" cried Ke'ra.

"Help me hold him down!" Janet called to a nurse, who ran up and grabbed onto him.

Seconds later, the sound of the heart monitor changed to an unending tone.

"He's not breathing," Janet said. "There's no pulse. It's a code blue!" The nurse put an oxygen mask over his face as Janet began doing chest compressions.

Medical personnel came rushing in with a defibrillator. Janet was getting ready to lay the paddles on Orner's chest when his heart abruptly resumed a steady beat on its own.

"Wait a minute," the doctor said. "He's stabilizing." She put her stethoscope to his chest. His eyes blinked opened.

Seeing that the crisis had passed, Janet asked the nurse to help get his head onto the pillow. He looked around and spoke Ke'ra's name. She went to his side.

"Do you remember?" she asked.

He shook his head slightly. "I am sorry."

"Next time it will work." Ke'ra looked at Janet. "I believe I know where I miscalculated. May we begin again?"

A little angry about her attitude considering what just happened, Janet replied, "Why don't we wait and see how Orner feels in a little while?"

"The effect would have been immediate. It did not work. We must try again."

Janet stared at her. "And we will. Later. We need to let Orner rest for a while. Besides, I think it's time that we all take a break."

"As you wish."

Just then, Daniel came in. He looked around and saw everyone's expressions.

"What's wrong?"

Janet replied. "We tested the antidote, but it didn't work, and Orner had an adverse reaction to it. We're going to take a break and let him recover fully. Perhaps you could take Ke'ra back to her quarters."

"Um, sure."

He accompanied Ke'ra to her quarters, along with Teal'c and the two guards. When they got there, her eyes met the archeologist's.

"Daniel, may we be allowed to speak alone?"

"Sure." He turned to Teal'c. "I'm just going to stay for a minute."

"I will accompany you."

"I really don't think that's necessary."

The Jaffa stared at him. "I am concerned only for your welfare, Daniel Jackson."

"I know, but it'll be all right."

Teal'c looked at Ke'ra, who was taking a seat on the bed. He then turned away.

"Very well," he said, though it was obvious that he was not happy about it.

"Thank you."

Daniel entered the quarters and shut the door.

"They believe I am Linea," she said after the door was shut.

"Yes."

"Do you?"

Knowing that the time had come for him to tell her everything, Daniel dropped his gaze from hers. "The Vorlix made the population of Vyus younger, years younger. You couldn't find the elders because you _were_ the elders." He lifted his head and looked at her.

Ke'ra stared at him in disbelief. "How can you believe that?"

"We have the proof, Ke'ra. There is a test. It compares what we call DNA. It proves that you and Linea are the same person."

"Well, the test is wrong. I'm not Linea."

Daniel stepped up to her. "In a way, you are right about that. Your memories as Linea are gone, so, in that way, you are no longer her. As long as that doesn't change, you will never be her again."

"You're telling me that I will never be able to take the antidote." Ke'ra got to her feet and faced him. "I would never harm anyone, Daniel. Do you believe me?"

"Yes, I do. The woman you are now would not hurt anyone." He paused a moment, then took her hands. "Ke'ra, I know this is hard for you to accept, and I know that you wanted to regain your memories, but this is the way it has to be. You are a good person, and you can stay that way. You can go back to Vyus and continue helping people there."

Ke'ra stared at Daniel for a long moment, then suddenly stepped forward and pulled his lips down to hers. He immediately broke away and took a quick step back. Seeing the look on his face, Ke'ra drew back a pace as well.

"Forgive me, Daniel. I had no right to do that. It is just that what I feel for you has grown so strong, and I cannot help but believe that you and I could—"

"Ke'ra, stop. Please." Daniel gazed at her, feeling both uncomfortable and a little upset about what she did. He wanted to get out of there, but he had to talk to her about it. "Okay, look. You are a beautiful, appealing woman. If I was not in a relationship with Sam, and we had met at some future time, I might have shared your feelings, but the truth is that it was not long ago that I lost my wife. I loved her very much, and her death hit me really hard. But then Sam and I became more than friends, and what I have with her has come to be very important to me. I do understand what you're feeling, Ke'ra, and I am flattered. Really I am."

Ke'ra turned away. "But you can never feel the same for me."

"No. I'm sorry."

She turned back to him. "Thank you for being honest with me. I would like to be alone now."

"Of course."

After Daniel left, Ke'ra stared at the closed door. That brief moment that her lips were on Daniel's had made her feel so many things, excitement, longing and, most of all, intense desire. She wanted to feel those things again. She wanted to feel what it would be like to make love with him. But it was a desire that would never be fulfilled because he loved another.

Daniel had said that, if he was not in a relationship with Major Carter and the two of them had met at some time in the future, he might have reciprocated her feelings. That gave her some measure of hope. Perhaps a day would come when Major Carter was no longer his lover. Then she might have a chance with him.

But he believed that she was Linea, and that must be affecting his feelings for her. Ke'ra was certain that he was wrong, that they were _all_ wrong. She was _not_ Linea, and, somehow, she had to prove it. But there was only one way to do that, and that would be to regain her memories. Once she had them back, everyone would know the truth. Then she could wait for the day that Daniel would come to her and fulfill her desire for him.

* * *

><p>Daniel sat staring at the contents of his coffee cup, oblivious to the goings-on in the commissary. What happened in Ke'ra's quarters was bothering him quite a bit. He could understand the power of unrequited feelings, having experienced them himself in the past, but what Ke'ra did had still taken him by surprise. He had believed her to have more self-control than that.<p>

The truth was that he was also surprised by the strength of her feelings for him. He had thought that it was just physical attraction caused by her lack of intimate contact with any men since the Vorlix, but it looked as if it was more than just that, and that could prove to be a problem.

Someone sat down at the table, but Daniel didn't look up to see who it was.

"You look like a man with a great deal on his mind," said the person, revealing that it was Jack.

Daniel let out a sigh. "Yeah."

"Care to share?"

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea."

"Oh? Do you mean just to me or to anyone?" When the archeologist didn't reply, Jack guessed the answer, and it bothered him. "You do mean just me."

"No, not just you, but I am probably going to have to tell Sam."

Jack stared at him. "Daniel, what is this about? Does it have to do with Ke'ra? I heard about what happened at the test. I also know that you talked to her alone in her quarters, which, in my opinion, was not exactly a wise thing to do. Teal'c was not a happy camper about it."

Daniel finally looked at Jack. "She knows that we believe she's Linea."

"Oh. Did you tell her?"

"No, she figured it out for herself. She thinks we're wrong."

"Well, I can understand that." Jack's scrutiny intensified. "So what else? There has to be more to this than that."

Daniel went back to staring at his coffee. "She, um . . . has feelings for me."

Jack's eyebrows rose. "Feelings? As in. . . ."

"Yeah."

"Wow. You sure do have a knack for attracting the wrong kind of women, don't you."

Daniel winced and ducked his head.

Feeling contrite, Jack said, "Sorry. But you can't deny that it's true, that is except for Carter. Speaking of Carter, she doesn't know?"

"Yes, she knows, or at least part of it. She doesn't yet know what just happened."

"Which is?"

Daniel glanced about the commissary. They were virtually alone, everyone else at the opposite end of the room. Even so, Daniel lowered his voice even more.

"Ke'ra . . . kissed me. It caught me completely off-guard. I stopped it right away, of course."

Jack was now frowning. "Does she know that you and Carter are together?"

"Yes, I told her that the moment I found out that she was attracted to me, on the day she came here."

"And yet she's still going after you."

"I wouldn't exactly say that. I think she was just caught up in her emotions."

Jack's frown had grown deeper. "Daniel, I don't like this. I want you to stay away from her."

The archeologist looked at him. "She's not a danger to me, Jack."

"That woman coldly slaughtered who knows how many people, and now she's fixated on you, but you're not giving her what she wants. If she remembers who she is, you will be her first target. So you stay away from her, Daniel. I mean it."

Daniel paused, then nodded. The truth was that he was leery of being in Ke'ra's presence now, especially with no one else around.

He got up from the table. "I'm going to go back to my office. I'll see you later." Coffee cup in hand, he left the commissary. Jack watched him leave, the frown still on his face. He then also departed the commissary. He went straight to Teal'c's quarters.

"You look troubled, O'Neill," the Jaffa said upon seeing his expression.

"Troubled? Yeah, I'm troubled, all right. I just found out that the Destroyer of Worlds has a thing for Daniel."

"A thing?"

"She wants him, and, apparently, she's having a bit of trouble taking no for an answer."

Now, Teal'c was frowning. "She desires Daniel Jackson?"

"Yep. He's told her that he's with Carter, but I guess that wasn't enough to stop her from making a move on him."

"This is unsettling, O'Neill."

"You're damn right it is. Now I've told Daniel to stay away from her, and he agreed, but this thing's got me worried. I don't care what Daniel says about her memories. She may not remember being Linea, but a leopard can't change its spots. Once a genocidal monster, _always_ a genocidal monster."

"You believe that, even if she never regains her memories, Ke'ra will become that kind of person again?"

"I think it's a possibility. And who do you think she's going to be most eager to kill, if she does?"

"The man who rejected her advances."

"Exactly."

"What do you propose?"

"Whenever she's not in her quarters, I want you to stick to her like glue. Don't let her out of your sight."

"I assure you that I will not, O'Neill."

"And, once that antidote has been made and given to the Vyuns, we are all going to have to think long and hard about what we're going to do about Ke'ra, because, as far as I'm concerned, Daniel won't be safe until that woman is behind bars . . . or dead."


	14. Chapter 14

IMPORTANT NOTICE: I'm sure that all of you have been wondering where I've been these past several months. Well, I have some news about that. I've been spending my writing time on original fiction, and I am excited and delighted to announce that I now have a published original fiction novel. It is presently only in eBook format on Amazon. com, but it will eventually be in other places online, including a Web site I've set up for news and information on my original fiction. You can find the link to that Web site in my profile here, as well as a link to my Twitter page. As for the novel, it is a paranormal romance entitled "From the Ashes" under the author name M.L. Thayer. You can do a search for it at Amazon. com (or on the Amazon site in your country when it goes to worldwide distribution) or you can use the link to my author page on my profile. If you don't have a Kindle eReader, you can still read Kindle books with the free software Kindle for PC and Kindle for Mac or one of the apps for tablets and smartphones. If any of you decide to read the book, I'd be happy to hear what you think about it in a review on Amazon. com or my site.

* * *

><p>CHAPTER FOURTEEN<p>

When, a couple of hours later, Ke'ra's presence was needed back in the medical lab, Teal'c was there to escort her, along with the two guards. Daniel not being with them bothered her. Was he staying away from her because of what happened?

"Is Daniel not joining us?" she asked as they entered the elevator.

"No."

"May I ask why?"

"It has been decided that it would be best if he did not."

Ke'ra frowned and said nothing more until they reached the lab.

"Has Orner recovered fully?" she asked Janet.

"Yes, he appears to be fine."

"Good. I am certain I know where my error was. Shall we resume?"

"Yes."

As Teal'c and the other guards moved out of their way, Janet and Ke'ra got busy. Sam joined them a few minutes later. She avoided looking at Ke'ra as much as possible. Everyone had been told that the woman knew about their belief that she was Linea. Daniel had also told Sam about the kiss, and she was angry about it. Although she could certainly understand how a person's emotions could take control of them, having experienced that very thing with Daniel, he had told Ke'ra that he wasn't interested, so she should have left him alone. More than ever, Sam wanted the woman gone, and the sooner they cured the Vyuns, the sooner that would happen.

The three women worked quietly. It took a little over an hour and a half to complete the corrected antidote.

"The eight hundred-liter potency is ready for a pre-run," Janet said.

"May I?" Ke'ra asked.

"Yes."

The blonde added the chemical to a petri dish with a dropper, then observed the results through a microscope.

"It's working," she announced.

She stepped aside so that Sam could take a look.

"Yeah, I think you're right," the major said.

"I believe this potency will provide our antidote."

Janet nodded. "Right. Thank you, Ke'ra. We'll take it from here."

Ke'ra's expression was one of confusion. "But I can assist you."

Sam shook her head. "Ke'ra. . . ."

"We should perform the test once more to be sure," Ke'ra insisted.

Sam's expression firmed. "It's better if we do this ourselves."

There was a frown on Ke'ra's face. "I see. May I return later to observe the test?"

"Sure," Janet replied.

"Thank you."

When the others turned away, Ke'ra removed the slide containing the antidote from the microscope and hid it in her hand. She then left with Teal'c and the guards, who took her back to her quarters. Once she was alone, she looked at the slide. The dab of liquid upon it was the key to everything she wanted. Though the amount was small, it was a highly concentrated form and should be enough.

Ke'ra pulled from her pocket two things that she stole from the lab shortly after arriving there, a hypodermic and an empty vial.

Very carefully, Ke'ra poured the liquid on the slide into the vial. She then got it into the hypodermic. After evacuating all the air from the hypodermic, she placed the tip of the needle against her carotid artery.

"Soon, Daniel, you will know that I am not Linea," she said. "And then, someday, we will be together."

With those words spoken, Ke'ra injected the antidote into her body.

* * *

><p>Daniel, the three members of SG-1, Ke'ra, and Diean watched as Janet approached Orner. Ke'ra had looked at Daniel several times, but he failed to meet her eyes each time.<p>

"Are you ready, Orner?" Janet asked the man sitting on the bed. "I can't guarantee that there won't be a negative reaction."

"Yes, I am ready."

Janet injected the new antidote into him.

"This time it will work," he said confidently.

Still concerned, Janet asked if he was feeling any pain.

"Something. . . . Not pain."

He began to convulse again, but far less violently, and the convulsions quickly halted. He was helped back up into a sitting position.

"Orner, are you all right?" Ke'ra asked.

"My real name is Nodal." His eyes lit with excitement. "I remember everything. Thank you."

Ke'ra smiled. "And are we married after all?"

"No, I'm afraid I am married to Layale."

Diean frowned. "And who is that?"

"You, for forty-three years."

Smiling with joy, they took each other's hands.

Nodal then returned his gaze to Ke'ra. "Before the Vorlix, you and I had not met yet."

"I am pleased for you," she said to him and his wife.

"You must take the antidote now."

"I cannot." She looked at the others. "They will explain." She walked out of the infirmary. Teal'c began to follow her, but Daniel stopped him.

"Wait. I need to talk to her," he said.

"No way, Daniel," Jack said, having heard him.

"Jack, she and I need to clear the air between us. The guards will be with us all the way to her quarters. What is she going to do to me? I'll be fine."

Jack really didn't like it but finally nodded his head. Daniel hurried out of the room and down the corridor. He reached Ke'ra and the guards just as the elevator doors were opening.

"Where is Teal'c?" she asked.

"It's just me this time."

"I did not think you wished to speak with me again."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given you the cold shoulder."

They got on the elevator, and the archeologist pressed the button for Level 25.

"I apologize for what happened, Daniel," Ke'ra said.

"I understand, Ke'ra. I don't hold it against you."

The presence of the guards prevented them from saying anything more about it.

The elevator reached the twenty-fifth level, and everyone got out.

"What will be done with me?" Ke'ra asked as they approached her quarters.

"Well, if you don't take the antidote, I see no reason why you can't go back to Vyus. I intend to ask them."

"They'll fear me. I would."

They came to a stop outside her quarters.

"For all that you've done for them, they'll be grateful."

One of the guards opened the door for Ke'ra. She turned to Daniel fully and gazed at his face.

"Thank you, Daniel. All debts have now been paid."

"I'll come back after I've had the chance to speak with your people and let you know what they said."

Not responding, Ke'ra entered the room and shut the door.

Daniel had gone only a few paces when he stopped in his tracks, realizing what she'd just said. He spun around and ran back to Ke'ra's room, throwing open the door.

"You've taken the antidote."

"Leave, Daniel."

Not listening to her, he stepped into the room and closed the door. That's when he saw that she was holding a vial and ampoule in her hands. He paused, suddenly doubtful that this was a good idea.

"You said all debts have now been paid," he said. "That was the message Linea left behind."

"Was it?"

Daniel's voice sharpened. "Did you take the antidote?"

"I had to know, Daniel!" Ke'ra cried. "I didn't believe you!"

"Ke'ra."

Ke'ra's emotions began to escalate. "I'm not Ke'ra, am I? I am the murderer that you said I was!"

Realizing that he needed to defuse the situation, Daniel held up his hands. "Ke'ra, please take it easy."

She held up the vial and ampoule. "I need only smash these vials together to create a poisonous gas that will fill this room. Now, I only want to harm myself. I don't want you to be here. Please leave now."

Daniel shook his head. "Ke'ra, you don't have to do this. This isn't the way."

"It is the only way! I remember everything, Daniel, all the things I did. I deserve to die."

Daniel shook his head and took a careful step toward her. "No. Who you were as Ke'ra proves that there's good in you."

"Is there? There's a part of me that cares a great deal for you, Daniel, but there is this other part of me that would gladly watch you die!" Ke'ra's emotions abruptly shifted. "You rejected me. I cared for you, and you rejected me."

A touch of fear grew inside Daniel. Crap. This was not good.

The door suddenly burst open. Jack, Teal'c and Sam came rushing in, Jack's sidearm immediately aimed at Ke'ra, though he did not have a clear shot.

"Step aside, Daniel!" the colonel commanded.

"Don't! There's another way, Jack."

"Move!"

The archeologist ignored the command, keeping his eyes on the woman before him. "Give me the vials, Ke'ra. You don't need to do this."

"There are two people inside of me, and one of them is a monster. In time, she will win."

"No. It doesn't have to be like that, because there's another way."

"No, there isn't!" Ke'ra screamed.

"Daniel, please!" Sam cried, terrified for the man she loved.

Ke'ra's eyes went to her, to the woman Daniel cared for as Ke'ra cared for him. Why couldn't he have loved her instead? Perhaps if he had, there would have been a chance for her. No. There was no chance. He could not love her. He probably feared her. Perhaps he even secretly hated her.

Ke'ra tightened her grip on the vials, thinking of killing him and his lover, killing them all. But then her feelings for him welled back up inside her, and the murderous thoughts faded.

Daniel had seen the look that flashed across the woman's face, the expression of anger and hatred. He knew that he was walking a tightrope. One wrong word, and she'd break those vials and kill everyone.

"Ke'ra, listen to me," he said soothingly. "There _is_ another way. You can be Ke'ra again. All you have to do is forget."

Ke'ra leaned against the wall, staring at him as she realized what he was saying.

He continued. "All these memories can go away forever."

"I could forget," she whispered.

Daniel nodded. "Yes. Please, Ke'ra. Just give me the vials."

For a tense moment, Ke'ra stared at him, then she held out the vials. He stepped forward and took them from her hands. Teal'c quickly went to her side and grabbed her arm. Jack kept his gun trained on her.

"Come on," Daniel said. "Let's go back to the infirmary."

No words were spoken as they made the trip, though Daniel could feel more than one pair of eyes upon him. He knew that there would be hell to pay once this was all over.

Back in the infirmary, Ke'ra was locked in one of the isolation rooms, along with Teal'c and the two guards. Nodal and Layale were gone. The Vyun woman had been given the antidote, and the couple were now in a VIP room. Hammond had joined the others, and both he and Janet were filled in on what happened and what Daniel's idea was.

"If she was given the D'Argol again, she would forget everything, right?" the archeologist asked. "She wouldn't remember anything that happened before then."

"Yes," the doctor confirmed. "She would go back to square one."

"Then that's what we need to do."

Jack objected. "Daniel, that woman almost killed us. I saw the look on her face. She was thinking about breaking those vials and killing you and all the rest of us."

"Yes, but she didn't do it, did she. If she was as purely evil as you believe she is, she wouldn't have hesitated to do it. In fact, she would have blown up this whole base last year instead of setting the self-destruct to automatically shut off. We will never know what turned her into what she became, but it's clear to me that, even after everything she did, there is still some good in her."

"So what if we did give that stuff to her? What's going to prevent her from finding an antidote again?"

"Someway, we have to keep her from learning the truth."

Jack turned to his commanding officer. "What do you think, sir?"

"Unless we are willing to return her to Hadante, I see no other alternative. She is far too dangerous to keep imprisoned here on Earth." Hammond looked at Janet. "How long do you think it will take to create some of the substance that causes the amnesia?"

"With Ke'ra's help, probably not long. But before we do that, we need to produce more of the antidote and give it to the rest of the people on Vyus. That, I'm afraid, will take a lot longer."

"All right. We will need to keep her in the brig until you require her help."

"Is that really necessary?" Daniel asked. "I understand why confining her to her quarters might not be enough, but what about one of those isolation quarters? They're a lot more comfortable."

"I'm sorry, Doctor Jackson, but considering what she did when she was on this base last time, I feel that those quarters would not be secure enough."

"All right, but let me talk to her first."

Daniel went to the isolation room. Though Jack had wanted to accompany him, Daniel put his foot down. Instead, both the colonel and Sam went up to the observation room and watched as the archeologist entered the room below. He asked Teal'c and the guards to wait over against the wall.

"What has been decided?" Ke'ra asked.

"It's been agreed to give you the D'Argol, but first we need to make more of the antidote and cure everyone on Vyus. That'll take a while, so, um, in the meantime, I'm afraid that you're going to have to stay in the brig. I'm sorry."

Ke'ra nodded. "I understand. However, there are suggestions I can give to dramatically speed up the production of the antidote."

"I'm sure Janet would appreciate that."

Ke'ra was escorted back to the main ward. Under more than one watchful pair of eyes, she explained to Janet how production of the antidote could be accelerated. After being thanked by the doctor, she was taken to the brig by Teal'c and the two guards, Daniel accompanying them. She was placed in a cell.

"Are you hungry?" the archeologist asked her.

"No, I am all right."

"Well, if you do get hungry, just tell one of the guards, and something will be brought to you. I'll come visit you later."

Ke'ra met his eyes. "Thank you, Daniel. You have been very kind, far kinder than I deserve."

The archeologist thought of saying something but decided against it. He left the brig and headed back to the infirmary, Teal'c by his side. The other two guards went off to resume other duties.

"I suppose you think I should have just left the room and let her kill herself," Daniel said to the Jaffa, "or stepped out of the way and let Jack shoot her."

"Though my actions would have been different from yours, I understand why you chose to do all you could to save her. Many times you have shown compassion and mercy to ones who did you or others harm."

"I just think about what she did as Ke'ra, the ways she helped the Vyuns, and it makes me see something in her that I guess nobody else does."

Teal'c paused before responding. "When on that day we first met, O'Neill reached out to me for help, it is because he saw something in me that others in his place may not have seen. I have done great evil in my life, taken many innocent lives, yet the people here have chosen to look beyond that and now place their trust in me. It would be hypocritical of me to say that you should not look beyond the evil Linea committed in the past."

Janet and the others were no longer in the main ward when the two men got back to the infirmary, so they went to the lab. Only Sam, Jack and Janet were there.

As soon as they stepped in the door, Sam came up to Daniel and hugged him.

"You have no idea how scared I was when we realized that Ke'ra must have stolen those vials," she said. "I was afraid that she'd kill you."

"But she didn't, Sam. That's what's important." He looked at Janet. "How long do you think it will be before we have enough antidote for the whole population?"

"I'm hoping no more than an hour or two for the first batch. As soon as we have enough to get started, we'll send as many medical personnel to Vyus as we can spare. Even so, it will likely take all night and most of tomorrow to treat everyone. Normally, I'd prefer to wait and make sure that there are no aftereffects from the antidote, but we don't have that luxury. I still plan on keeping Nodal and Layale here until I'm sure there will be no problems."

"Have they been told about Ke'ra?"

"Not yet. I didn't have the opportunity."

Daniel went to his office, knowing that he probably wouldn't have privacy for long. He turned out to be right. Jack came striding in not ten minutes later.

"Do you have a death wish, Daniel? I'm really starting to wonder."

"And what were you planning on doing, Jack, threaten to shoot her if she didn't hand over the vials? How would that have accomplished anything? She was already planning on killing herself. And what if you had shot her, and it resulted in her breaking those vials? I did the right thing, regardless of whether or not you can see that." Daniel turned away and walked to his desk. "It's over and done with now. Her memories will be removed again, and she'll have no idea any of this happened. She'll have no memory of me or anyone else. She can go back to Vyus and be Ke'ra for the rest of her life." He sat down. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do."

Jack stared at him for a long moment. "All right, Daniel, but let's get one thing clear. The next time I tell you to move out of my line of fire, you will do so. You understand?"

Daniel looked up at him. "I will if I believe it's the right thing to do, just as I've always done what I think is right. But look on the bright side, Jack. With me not being on SG-1, I doubt that situations like this will happen very often, so you shouldn't have to worry."

"Yep, that's a good thing, all right," Jack responded with an edge of sarcasm. He then left the office.

Daniel sighed and rubbed his temples, where a headache had begun to form. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. He was still like that when Sam came in. She laid her hand on his back.

"Are you all right?"

Daniel lifted his head. "Yeah. I'm just kind of tired. I didn't sleep much last night." He looked at her. "Are you going to ball me out, too?"

"No. I may have been afraid for you, but you did what you believed was right. And now that I'm no longer scared, I know that you took the right actions. You really didn't do all that much more than a negotiator trying to convince a bank robber with hostages to give himself up."

"Yes, except that, outside of the movies and TV, negotiators don't generally put themselves in the line of fire."

Sam smiled slightly. "Well, there is that." She brushed a hand through his hair, then kissed the top of his head. "You should go get some rest. There's nothing more you can do."

Daniel nodded. "Maybe you're right. What about you? You must be exhausted. You've barely gotten any sleep these past couple of days."

"Yeah, I was thinking of heading home. Janet doesn't need me anymore."

"Then come home with me."

Sam smiled. "Okay."

The two scientists changed into their civvies and went to Daniel's apartment. Though lovemaking was not on their mind, they chose not to wear anything to bed. They went into the warmth of each other's embrace. Daniel lowered his lips onto Sam's in a long kiss.

"There's something I want you to know," he said, looking at the woman in his arms. "When Ke'ra kissed me, all I felt was surprise. I took no pleasure in it at all."

Sam smiled at him. "Thank you for telling me. Not that I was wondering, but it's good to know anyway."

Daniel kissed her again, more softly this time. He then whispered, "Yours are the only kisses I can imagine making me feel like this."

That almost brought tears to Sam's eyes. "Feel like what?" she asked.

"Like I want to keep right on kissing you."

"Hmm. That's funny, because your kisses make me feel exactly the same way."

Daniel began to grin. "Really? Fancy that."

Sam glided a finger over his lips. "So what do you propose we do about that, Doctor Jackson?"

"I have some ideas."

Sam was now grinning as well. "Yes, I bet you do."

They went back to kissing, which soon migrated to other parts of the body. Eventually, Sam was lying on her stomach as Daniel placed kisses all the way down her spine. Once he'd reached the curve of her bottom, he grabbed a pillow and stuffed it underneath her hips. He then laid down on top of her and gently went into her. Sam let out a breathy moan.

Daniel moved slowly and purposefully, intent upon finding that spot within Sam that could prove to be so elusive. He knew when he'd found it. The woman beneath him suddenly cried out, her breathing going ragged. It didn't take long before she was coming. Daniel continued his movements as she shuddered through her climax. As her body went limp, he sped up. Seconds later, his climax struck.

After it was over, Daniel rolled off Sam, who stayed right where she was. She turned her head to face him.

"And that's the other thing your kisses make me feel like doing," he remarked, a twinkle of humor in his eyes.

"Ah, another thing we have in common. Who'd have known we were so compatible in so many ways?"

Daniel grew serious. "Yes, we are." He brushed his hand across Sam's cheek. "I think it's time that we talk about you being jealous of Ke'ra."

Sam rolled onto her side. "No, Daniel. It really isn't necessary. I really was just being stupid and insecure for no good reason."

Daniel searched her eyes. "I want to tell you something I said to Ke'ra." He recounted the words he spoke to the woman about his wife and what he'd found with Sam. "I meant every word I told her, Sam. What I now have with you is very important to me, the most important thing in my life. I honestly can't imagine ever wanting to go back to the way it was before."

This time, the tears did come to Sam's eyes. She cupped Daniel's face and gave him a long kiss. He pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. Minutes later, they were both asleep.

* * *

><p>Daniel entered the brig. From beyond the laser beams the woman in the cell met his eyes.<p>

"Daniel. It is good to see you."

He walked up to the cell. "How are you doing?"

"I am well. How are things progressing with the Vyuns?"

"We've treated quite a few of them. They're all grateful for your help in finding a cure."

"Do they also know that I am the one who's responsible for what happened?"

"Yes, but they are aware that it was an accident." Daniel paused. "They don't know anything else, what you did in the past."

Ke'ra was surprised about that. "You didn't tell them? Why?"

"Because they didn't need to know the details. They only know that you were a criminal and did some things you shouldn't have."

"Thank you. They know, then, that my memories are going to be removed again?"

"Not yet. We'll tell Nodal and Layale after it's been done, and they can tell everyone else. We're going to make them understand that they can never let you know the truth about everything. It's safest that way. All of Doctor Zervis' papers and journals will be removed from the library."

Ke'ra nodded. "I agree. That is the most prudent thing to do. However, there is another issue. Before I turned my attention to the life-extending properties of the D'Argol, I did some research on the fertility problem. All of the people who are on Vyus now had not yet been born when the use of D'Argol was started. It took many years for the Vyuns to realize that the D'Argol was responsible for the dramatic drop in the birth rate, and, by then, the damage had been done. From my research, I concluded that the D'Argol in its original form destroys a human male's ability to produce sperm. Every Vyun male of the present generation never had the ability to father children."

"So you're saying that the women could still get pregnant?"

"Yes, if they had another source for sperm. I determined that, if such a thing was done, any new generations born would be free of all ill effects."

"Thank you, Ke'ra. That could be really good news for them. There might be something we could do about that."

The blonde woman stared at him. "Why do you keep calling me Ke'ra now that I know my true name?"

"Because I prefer to think of you as her."

Ke'ra's eyes went to the two guards in the room, then back to Daniel. "May we speak in private?"

"Sure." Daniel asked the two guards to leave. He then turned back to Ke'ra.

"You are a good man, Daniel," she said. "I recognized that when I watched your attempt to prevent those prisoners from being killed by the wormhole's vortex. Saving them would not have benefitted you in any way, yet you tried so very hard to do so. That is why I prevented Vishnoor from killing you."

That surprised Daniel. "I thought you did that to further your plans to use us to escape."

"That thought did enter my mind, but even if you had died, my plan would likely still have been successful, although it may have been delayed somewhat." She smiled slightly. "So you _did_ come to realize that I was responsible for Vishnoor's death rather than you."

Daniel nodded. "We all figured that out after you were gone, though we didn't know how you did it. I never did understand how I could have managed to kill him while I was being strangled."

Ke'ra smiled. "Yes, it would have been rather difficult." Her smile disappeared. "I wish to apologize again for what I did before. I had no right to force my attentions upon you."

"It's okay, Ke'ra. I was upset at first, but I really do understand."

Ke'ra's eyes searched his face. "Samantha truly is a lucky woman. I can only hope that, as Ke'ra, I will someday find a man such as you."

Daniel's gaze dropped from hers. He left a few minutes later, thinking about how very different the life of that woman would have been if she had never gone down the wrong path.

* * *

><p>The population of the planet Vyus had their memories back, and, thanks to the information Ke'ra gave Daniel, there were plans in the works to provide the Vyuns with donated sperm so that the civilization would be saved from extinction.<p>

With Daniel and the two guards in the corner as the only witnesses, Janet had just given Ke'ra the concentrated D'Argol, and they watched as it took away her memories, tears falling down her face. She blinked and looked around dazedly.

"Ke'ra. It's all right," Daniel told her. "You're among friends."

"Do you remember anything?" Janet asked.

There was a blank look on Ke'ra's face. "Nothing."

Daniel gave her a reassuring smile. "Your name is Ke'ra. You've been a visitor here. Now, it's time to go home."

"Why can I not remember anything? I do not even recognize my name."

"You've been very ill," Janet told her. "There was an effect on your brain."

"Is my memory loss permanent?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I'm sorry."

"But you're going to be all right," Daniel said. "You have friends who will make sure of that."

Janet looked at Daniel. "She needs to rest for a few minutes. I'll then help her get dressed."

Daniel left the infirmary and went to his former teammates, who were out in the hall.

"Well?" Jack asked.

"It worked. Her memories are all gone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Jack, I'm sure."

"So, that's that, then."

"We need to talk to Nodal and Layale and fill them in," Sam said.

Daniel nodded. "You go on and do that, Sam. I'm going to wait here."

Sam went off to talk to the two Vyuns and take them to the gate room as Jack and Teal'c went to Hammond's office to let him know that Linea was Ke'ra once again.

A short while later, Daniel and Janet brought Ke'ra to the gate room. She was still feeling a little unsure, and the doctor kept hold of her arm and hand. The wormhole was open and waiting.

"Ke'ra, these are friends of mine," Daniel said, "Sam, Teal'c, Jack, and General Hammond." He gestured at the two Vyuns. "And these are friends of yours. They've come to take you home."

Ke'ra stared at Nodal and Layale. "Do you know me?"

"We do," Nodal replied. "Ke'ra. We understand you have lost your memory. Know that you are a great leader of our people, and you are most welcome."

He and Layale went up the ramp and waited at the top.

Ke'ra turned to Daniel. "I sense we knew each other before my memory was lost. Did we?"

Daniel shook his head. "No. No, we didn't." He gave her a gentle smile. "Goodbye, Ke'ra."

"Goodbye."

The woman who had been Linea and was now Ke'ra again walked up the ramp and took Nodal's proffered hand. At the edge of the event horizon, she looked back down at the people watching and smiled at Daniel. She then turned and disappeared through the gate.

* * *

><p>You'll be happy to hear that I hope to continue posting chapters on a semi-regular basis from now on until this story is complete.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Daniel and Sam had known that, sooner or later, this would happen. News of their relationship had finally entered the base grapevine. It turned out that someone passing by Daniel's office had witnessed the moment between him and Sam when she kissed his head, then heard Daniel ask her to come home with him. The woman had wasted no time passing on what she'd seen and heard.

Sam kicked herself over the slip, realizing that she should have been more careful. But what was done was done, and there was nothing to do now but deal with the gossip.

Tomorrow would be the start of a three-day weekend for them, Monday being Labor Day. They planned on spending Saturday and Sunday alone together, just relaxing and recuperating from all the stuff with Ke'ra. The barbecue at Janet's would be on Monday, which would include just Daniel, SG-1, and Cassie.

A file in his hand, his eyes on the words printed on the paper, Daniel walked down the corridor, occasionally glancing up to make sure he didn't walk into someone or something. As he reached a corner, he looked up and noticed someone staring at him oddly. He stared right back at the man.

"Something wrong, Lieutenant?" he asked.

"No, nothing, sir," the man replied. He then walked on by. Daniel watched him leave, then continued toward his destination, which was Sam's lab. When he got there, he saw that she wasn't alone. A scientist who occasionally assisted her was there. When the woman saw him, she, too, got an odd look on her face. She glanced back and forth between him and Sam, then excused herself.

"How often has that been happening to you?" Daniel asked Sam.

"You mean that look? Too often."

"Yeah. I sometimes wonder what they're thinking."

Sam frowned severely. "I wish they'd just ask instead of making a bunch of guesses and assumptions that are probably wrong."

Daniel gave her back a little rub. "Me too, but we knew that people might react like this. Everyone will eventually get used to it, and we'll no longer be the hottest topic on the base grapevine." He smiled. "And think about it this way. Now that everyone knows, I can do things like this without worrying." He followed that up with a kiss.

Sam gave a nod. "You're right. That is an advantage." She pulled his lips back to hers in a second kiss. It was halted by someone clearing their throat. They turned to see Jack standing just inside the lab, which made both of them blush.

"Having fun, are we?" he asked blandly, his expression unreadable.

The couple drew apart.

"Sorry, sir," Sam said, her cheeks heating up even more.

"Are you here for something, Jack?" Daniel asked, staring at the man closely.

"Nothing important. I just wanted to find out what you're bringing to the barbecue so that I'll know what _not_ to bring."

Daniel replied. "I was going to bring some baked beans, and I think Sam's bringing a salad."

Sam nodded. "Two salads, potato and macaroni."

"Good," Jack said. "That'll work. I was planning on providing the steaks and the beer."

"I'll let Janet know, sir. She already has hotdogs and hamburgers. What about Teal'c?"

"He can buy the other beverages. So it sounds like we're all set. I'll see you two on Monday."

Jack was around six yards down the corridor when Daniel came hurrying up to him.

"You want to talk about it?" the archeologist asked.

"Talk about what?"

"What you saw. That's the first time since you found out about us that you've seen me and Sam being . . . affectionate."

"Yes, it is, but it's not like I thought I'd never witness stuff like that going on."

"And you're okay with it?"

"Sure. No problem."

Daniel stared at the grey-haired man's profile. "Jack."

The colonel came to a halt. He glanced about and saw that there was no one else around. "All right. You want the truth? It did bother me a little, but not so much that I wanted to leave the room. I've had two weeks to get used to the idea of you two being a couple. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me. It's fine. _I'm_ fine. So don't go deliberately acting like you're not a couple when I'm around. You have my express permission to smooch as many times as you want to at the barbecue."

Daniel almost laughed at that last sentence. "Well, thank you, Jack. I'm so pleased that we have your permission."

Jack nodded shortly, then continued down the corridor. Daniel watched him leave, wondering if his friend really was as okay as he claimed to be.

* * *

><p>There was a big smile on Cassie's face, which had been a frequent occurrence all afternoon. Actually, the smiles had started last night when her mother told her that Daniel and Sam were in a relationship. Janet had also told the fourteen-year-old that Daniel recently lost his wife, and Cassie thought it was so romantic that the grieving widower had found love again with one of his best friends.<p>

Ever since Daniel and Sam arrived that afternoon, Cassie had been watching them. She saw the way they looked at each other, the way they smiled at each other. It was so different from the way it had been at previous parties, when they were just friends. Sam looked at Daniel like he was her whole world, and Daniel looked at Sam so warmly and tenderly, that is except when they leaned into each other and whispered something secret. Then he smiled like Cassie had never seen him smile before. Actually, before today, she'd seldom seen him smile at all. He seemed so happy now, and so did Sam.

The couple was now sitting side-by-side, eating hotdogs. Sam had a dab of mustard on her cheek. As Cassie looked on, Daniel wiped it off with his thumb, then leaned over and kissed her. The sight made Cassie silently squeal with delight.

"You look like you're about to start jumping up and down and cheer, Cass," her mother said as she walked up to the girl. "What's got you so happy?"

"Oh, I think it's just so wonderful that Sam and Daniel are dating. It's so obvious that they're totally in love."

Startled by the statement, Janet stared at her daughter, then looked over at the couple. They were laughing about something, and they did look very happy. Compared to Daniel's demeanor at Sha're's funeral less than two months ago, the difference was startling.

Janet returned her gaze to her daughter. For obvious reasons, she had not given Cassie any information on the circumstances surrounding Daniel and Sam's change in relationship, so the teenager had no idea that only one of the pair was in love with the other. It was only natural that Cassie would assume they both felt the same way, and, to be honest, if Janet didn't know the truth, she'd think the same thing. Daniel was certainly acting like a man in love.

Janet saw no reason to tell her daughter the truth about the relationship. Why spoil her happiness? She was a fourteen-year-old girl who was at that stage when love is romanticized and idealized to the extreme. She and her girlfriends went to every romantic movie that came out in the theaters, and Cassie went on and on about the romances between celebrities. It probably wouldn't be long before she got her first crush. She was growing up, and this was all part of it. The bad thing was that, if Daniel and Sam ever broke up, Cassie would be devastated.

Cassie was not the only one who had been paying a lot of attention to the couple. Jack's gaze had been on them often, and about half the times that it was, he got a frown on his face.

"They appear to be quite content," said a voice to his left.

Jack looked up from his chair at Teal'c, whose eyes were on Sam and Daniel. "Yeah," he muttered.

Teal'c's dark-eyed gaze fell upon him. "You sound displeased."

"I wouldn't say that displeased is the right word. Now, worried is _definitely_ the right word."

"What concerns you, O'Neill?"

"Well, look at them, Teal'c. I've never seen Carter so happy before. I'm just worried about what's going to happen when this whole thing between her and Daniel goes south."

"And you are certain that it is going to . . . go south?"

Jack stared back up at the Jaffa. "Aren't you? You know, now that I think about it, you and I have never talked about it. What do _you_ think about this whole thing?"

"I believe that Daniel Jackson and Major Carter acted hastily and allowed strong emotions to cloud their judgment."

"Then you think they're making a mistake, too."

"I did not say that, O'Neill. I do believe that it was a mistake for them to begin this relationship when they did, but they both appear to be happy, and I have always believed that they were well suited for each other."

That last part surprised Jack. "You have?"

"Yes. I believed that, if Daniel Jackson had not already been in love with another woman, he and Major Carter would have embarked upon a relationship shortly after meeting." Teal'c looked at Jack. "Do you not agree, O'Neill?"

"I don't know. I never really thought about it."

Jack looked back at Daniel and Sam and got to thinking about the relationship the two shared before they became romantically involved. He couldn't deny that it was close. They seemed to click right from the start. He'd never forget watching them "mind meld" in the map room as he and Kawalsky just stood gaping at them, totally clueless.

If Daniel had never fallen for Sha're, and circumstances still enabled him and Sam to meet, could he see them becoming a couple? He was surprised to realize that he could, quite easily, in fact. So why hadn't he ever seen this before? It was because Daniel had been so in love with Sha're. Because of that, Jack could never imagine the archeologist having a relationship with Sam.

So, now that they _were_ in that kind of relationship, could it really have a future? If it had started a year or two from now, after Daniel had gotten over Sha're, Jack could picture it being successful. The problem was that it began only a few short weeks after Sha're's loss, and Daniel was still in love with her and still grieved for her. It was for that reason that Jack couldn't put much hope in it surviving.

"So, given how it started, do you think it has a chance?" Jack asked the man beside him.

"That I cannot say. Daniel Jackson's love for his wife was great, and the wounds of her death were deep. Those things are still strong in his heart. Yet he has found happiness and contentment with Major Carter. We can only wait to see which emotions will prove to be more powerful and abiding."

Jack grew a little smile. "Why, Teal'c. Those are quite the words of wisdom."

The Jaffa said nothing, only smiling ever so slightly.

* * *

><p>The next day, SG-1 went on another mission. Though Daniel kept himself from going to the control room to watch them leave this time, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was supposed to be a simple meet and greet with a culture they had been told was peaceful. Even so, Daniel was wishing he was there. He had always been their point man when it came to first contact with native populations. What if Jack said something that angered the people? He wouldn't be there to calm everyone down. What if it was a society with strict rules about women, like the Shavadai, the culture on Simarka that was descended from the Mongolians? Sam would probably get ticked off, and he wouldn't be there to smooth her ruffled feathers.<p>

Daniel tried to tell himself that he had no reason to worry. Even if they did run into trouble, they were perfectly capable of getting themselves out of it. Besides, he was supposed to be getting used to this, getting past his anxiety. The problem was that he didn't seem to be doing so.

Sighing explosively, Daniel got up from his desk and left the office. He wandered around the base for a while, ignoring the looks he got occasionally. In time, his wandering led him down to the infirmary. From the doorway, he watched Janet talking to a patient. She glanced up and noticed him. Excusing herself, she walked up to the archeologist.

"Is something wrong?" she asked him.

"No. Well . . . yes. I just. . . ." Daniel trailed off, not wanting to admit his concern.

Janet studied him for a moment. "Come on. I never got any breakfast this morning, so I'm getting pretty hungry. You can keep me company while I eat."

They went to the commissary, where Janet got her belated breakfast, and Daniel got a cup of coffee. As she ate, she watched him stare at the contents of the cup in his hands.

"What's bothering you, Daniel?" she finally asked.

"Sam, Jack and Teal'c are on another mission, first contact with a culture that is supposedly peaceful."

Janet nodded, understanding now. "But you're still worried about them."

Daniel let out a sigh. "Yeah. I know I shouldn't be. They're all way better at taking care of themselves than I am in dangerous situations. Even if something did happen, they are well armed and well trained. They'd be fine."

"Yet the fact remains that they are there, and you're here, in the dark about what's happening, not knowing if they're okay or not."

Daniel frowned back down at his coffee.

"Daniel, it's understandable that you'd feel that way, especially this being only the third mission they've gone on without you, just the _second_ one, if you discount the last one because you ended up joining them. You care about them, and you worry for their safety. There's nothing wrong about that."

Daniel didn't look up from his coffee. "When Jack and Sam accidentally got sent to the gate in Antarctica, all the time they were missing I was worried sick about them, wondering where they were, if they were okay. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop trying to find them. I wished I was with them so that at least I'd know if they were all right."

"And that's how you're feeling now?"

"In a way. I mean, this time, I have no reason to believe they're hurt or in danger, but I still wish I was with them so that I'd know if they're okay." Daniel shook his head. "I'm just worrying needlessly. Everything's fine. _They're_ fine." He got to his feet. "I'm just going to go back to my office and get some work done, which is what I should have been doing all along."

Mad at himself for bothering Janet with his obsessive worry, Daniel headed back to his office. He was just getting off the elevator when there was the announcement of an unscheduled off-world activation. He froze in his tracks, his heart rate rising. He told himself to calm down, but it did no good, so he just stood there, waiting. He hadn't been waiting long when other words came over the speakers, ones that had him spinning on his heels and slamming his hand against the down button for the elevator. The doors opened immediately, and he rushed into the elevator, pressing the button for Level 28, the call for a medical team still ringing through his head.

By the time, Daniel reached the gate room, he was nothing short of frantic, positive that something had happened to Sam. When he ran into the room and saw her sitting on the ramp, her BDU shirt covered in blood, he felt like someone had punched him in the gut and twisted a knife in his chest at the same time.

"Sam!" he cried. He ran forward, dodging personnel and even pushing a few of them out of his way. She saw him and rose to her feet. Before she could take a step toward him, he was there, his hands grasping her arms, a terrified look in his eyes.

"Oh, God. You're hurt," he gasped.

"No! Daniel, I'm okay! It's not my blood."

Sam's words managed to penetrate through to Daniel's brain. "I-I-It's not?"

"No. It's Miska's."

"Who?"

Sam pointed down at a man lying on the floor. In his rush to get to Sam, Daniel hadn't even noticed him nor the medical personnel that were treating him.

"There was an accident in the village, a landslide," Sam explained. "Several people were hurt, but Miska was the only one whose injuries appeared serious. We decided that we'd better bring him here. Teal'c and I brought him through. The colonel's still on the planet, helping where he can. We're going to send some medical personnel through to treat the other injured and some people to clear the debris."

Realizing that Sam was okay, a wave of relief swept through Daniel so powerfully that it left him feeling weak. He yanked her into his arms and held her tight.

"Thank God. I-I thought. . . ."

"Shh. I know, Daniel. I'm all right . . . well, mostly."

Daniel pulled back slightly. "What do you mean mostly?"

"I twisted my ankle while trying to rescue one of the accident victims."

Daniel looked down and saw that she was favoring her left leg. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's no big deal. I've had lots of twisted ankles."

The archeologist led her a few feet away from the crowd of people and helped her sit on the floor.

"Do you want me to get your boot off?" he asked.

"I think we'd better wait on that until I'm in the infirmary."

Just then, Janet came over.

"How is he?" Sam asked.

"He'll be fine. It looks worse than it is. He won't be needing surgery." The doctor looked down at the leg Sam had stretched out straight. "And how are _you_?"

"I'm all right, just a twisted ankle."

"Well, I'll be wanting to take a look at it, of course. Another gurney is on the way for you."

A little while later, Sam was on an exam bed in the infirmary. Daniel had stuck to her like glue. He was now holding onto her hand rather tightly, the aftermath of fear making it impossible to let go. He hadn't said anything since they'd gotten there, and he hadn't met Sam's eyes even though he knew that she was looking at him. He still wasn't fully in control of his emotions, and he didn't want her to see it.

"Daniel, are you okay?" Sam asked softly.

Before the archeologist had no choice but to answer, Janet came walking up.

"Miska is doing well," she said. "The wound is being cleaned and debrided. There's a lot of dirt and rock particles in it. As soon as they're done with that, I'll get busy stitching it up." She turned to Sam. "In the meantime, I might as well take a look at that ankle of yours. How is it feeling?"

"It still hurts but not too bad."

Janet got Sam's boot and sock off. "There's some swelling, but not much." She gently examined the injury. "I'd say that you've got a slight sprain, which, of course, means that you're going to have to take a few days off to let it heal fully."

Sam sighed. "Great. Just what I need."

"It could have been a lot worse, Sam," Daniel said, an odd note in his voice.

The major looked at him, but still couldn't get him to meet her eyes.

"Um, excuse me," he then said. "I need to go use the bathroom." He hurried to one of the infirmary bathrooms and locked the door. He looked down at his hands and saw that they were shaking. Closing them into fists, he went to the sink and splashed cold water on his face, trying to regain his composure. He stayed there until he'd succeeded, then returned to Sam. A nurse was busy wrapping her ankle.

"I'll take you home as soon as she's done," he said.

"That's not necessary. I really don't have to go home. I can just put my foot up on a chair. As long as I stay off of it, it'll be fine."

"Sam, Janet said that you need to take a few days off. If you stay here and work, there's no way you'll stay off that leg. You need to go home and rest that ankle."

Recognizing that Daniel wasn't going to give in, Sam did so instead. On their way to her place, he asked for details on what happened. She filled him in, which led to her talking about the people of the planet, who were, indeed, peaceful and friendly. Daniel said very little, not peppering her with all the questions he normally would. It was easy for Sam to see that something was bothering him, but he seemed reluctant to talk about it.

Once they'd arrived at Sam's place, Daniel fussed over her like a concerned grandmother. He settled her on the couch and provided her with pillows for her feet and back and an icepack for her ankle. He fixed her a cup of herbal tea, gathered a stack of reading material for her, and made her an early lunch, doing it all at breakneck speed. Finally, Sam had had enough and managed to grab hold of his hand.

"Daniel, stop. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Why do you think something's wrong?" he asked, avoiding her eyes.

"Because you're acting like the Energizer Bunny on speed, and you've barely spoken a word. It's obvious that something is wrong."

Daniel stood unmoving for several seconds, then slowly sank onto the edge of the couch next to Sam's thigh.

"From the moment you guys left on the mission, I'd been worrying," he said in a low voice, his eyes on the floor, "thinking about all the ways that you could run into trouble with the native population. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. When the announcement of the unscheduled activation came over the speakers, I got this horrible feeling, and then when they called for a medical team, I was certain that something terrible had happened to you, just like in that dream I had. When I saw all that blood on you, I-I thought I was going to lose you like I lost Sha're. All I kept thinking was that Sha're had died, and now you were going to die, too."

"Oh, Daniel." Sam reached up and pulled him down to lie with his head on her chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight. She stroked his hair and placed a kiss on the top of his head. "You didn't lose me, Daniel, and you're not going to."

"Don't make that statement, Sam. You and I both know that SG teams risk being killed every time they step through the gate. I have a whole lot of personal experience to attest to that."

Sam let out a sigh. "Yes, I know. But we could also get killed just driving to work. Nobody is completely safe."

Daniel sat up, his face turned away. "I know, Sam. You're right. I'm just still a little shaken up." He got to his feet. "You don't have much of anything for dinner, so I'm going to do some shopping. Do you need anything before I go?"

Sam stared at him for several seconds before saying that she didn't. He gave a short nod, then headed for the door. Sam watched him leave, a frown on her face. She understood what was happening. Daniel had lost the woman he loved only two short months ago, and he was now terrified that the same thing was going to happen with Sam. Probably what he should do was talk to a psychiatrist, but there was no way he would agree to that, not after what happened with MacKenzie.

Sam wished that she knew what to do to ease Daniel's fears, but there really wasn't anything she _could_ do short of leaving SG-1. He was right about the dangers of being on an SG team.

So would she leave SG-1 for him? Would she leave the military for him? She really didn't have to think about it. The answer was yes. She would give it all up for him. But she knew he wouldn't let her do that. Besides, it wouldn't really cure the problem. Only time would do that. In time, Daniel's fear of losing her would ease to a normal level. She had to believe that.

When Daniel returned, he looked calm and relaxed, though she had to wonder how much of it was an act. He insisted on staying with her even though the crutches Janet had sent her home with would assure that she wouldn't have to put weight on her injured ankle. He watched TV with her, her legs on his lap, his hand gently caressing the one with the bad ankle. He fixed dinner that evening and served it to her on a tray so that she wouldn't have to leave the couch.

As they lay in bed that night, Daniel never let go of her, not even in his sleep. It was no great surprise that he had a nightmare. Sam managed to soothe it away without awakening him. She thought about what had happened today and all the days before then, back to when they first became a couple. There could be no doubt that he had come to care about her very deeply. His terrible fear that she would die was a testament to that. But did it mean that he was falling in love with her? Sam wanted to believe that it did, but she was afraid to get her hopes up. Sha're's death was still very much with him, and his reaction to what happened today might mostly be because of that. It was natural for anyone who'd recently lost a loved one to be afraid that it would happen again. For a long time after her mother died, Sam was scared to death that her father would get killed, leaving her and Mark alone.

Would she ever be sure that Daniel loved her like she loved him? Would she ever feel that in her heart? There really was only one way: if she heard those words from his lips. He would never lie and say he felt something that he didn't, so if the day came when he looked her in the eyes and told her that he was in love with her, she'd know that it was true.

Whether or not that day would ever come was the real question.

* * *

><p>Sam's ankle was feeling much better the next day, so she insisted that Daniel didn't need to stay home from work and help her.<p>

The archeologist hadn't been in his office for very long when Jack came in.

"How's Carter?" he asked.

"Her ankle still aches, but it's doing better. She was complaining about staying home of course."

"Of course. She's as much of a workaholic as you are."

"How are things on P5D-804?"

"The teams sent through are getting the landslide cleared away as fast as possible. We're just lucky that only a small part of the hillside gave way. If the whole thing had come down, there wouldn't be a village left. We're going to put up nets and retaining walls, although the smartest thing to do would be to move the village farther away from the hill." Jack stared at Daniel closely. "I hear that you got pretty . . . worked up in the gate room."

Daniel's gaze dropped to his computer screen. "I was just worried about Sam. I heard the call for a medical team, then, when I got there, I saw the blood on her, and. . . ." He shrugged.

"Yeah. Teal'c said that he's never seen you move so fast. He has doubts that an army of Jaffa could have kept you from reaching her."

Daniel looked up at Jack doubtfully.

"Okay, so he didn't actually say that," the colonel admitted, "but it was implied."

"It just scared me. I thought she was seriously injured." He decided to steer the conversation back to the planet. "So, I understand that the people on P5D-804 are friendly."

"Yes, they're very nice. You'd have loved talking to them, which I'm sure would have been a lot more fun than being cooped up in this dingy office."

Daniel said nothing in response to that, having grown used to the little comments Jack frequently made regarding the advantages of rejoining SG-1.

"And I'm betting that, with your knowledge of geology, you would have seen right away that the hillside was unstable."

That made Daniel frown, wondering if the man was right. He probably wasn't.

"Having a bachelor's in geology doesn't mean that I have the ability to look at the side of a hill and instantly tell that it's unstable, Jack," he responded. "You can't always tell from what's on the surface." He paused. "Did it make any strange noises before it went?"

"Yeah, actually, it did. There was a weird thumping and banging sound." Jack saw Daniel frown again and pointed at him. "Ah ha! I was right. You _would_ have known that hillside was going to come down."

"Maybe. I'd have been . . . concerned."

"And you would have hustled us all away from it, probably saving a lot of people from injury."

Daniel stared at him. "Are you trying to make me feel guilty over not being there, Jack?"

"No, I'm trying to make you see that your knowledge was valuable on missions."

"Jack, how many times has my knowledge of geology been of any use on a mission?"

"Admittedly not many, but I can think of one time that it probably helped save a whole lot of lives: on Edora."

"There are a lot of people here with knowledge of geology."

"That's true, but there's something I want you to think about. You told me that you couldn't go through the gate anymore because your reason for doing so was no longer possible. So maybe it's time for you to consider that there are other very good reasons for you to be on the team." Jack gestured at a photo on the archeologist's desk. "I bet if you took the time to think about it, you could come up with a few yourself."

The colonel turned and walked out of the room. Daniel's gaze went to the photograph. It was of him and Sam, taken at her birthday party last year. He'd decided to frame it and put it on his desk since they no longer had to hide their relationship from the personnel.

His mind went back to his thoughts earlier today, how he'd have felt better if he had been on the mission because he would have known whether or not his ex-teammates were okay, whether or not _Sam_ was okay. If he rejoined the team, that would no longer be a problem. But could he do that, go back out there knowing that Sha're was no longer also out there somewhere, waiting for him to rescue her? Could he keep that from preying on his mind? As he stepped through the gate onto Vyus, that thought had crossed his mind, and it had hurt. How long would it take before it no longer did?

With that question and more going through his mind, Daniel got to his feet and left his office.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Whistling a slightly off-key tune, Major Louis Ferretti strolled down the corridor. Up ahead, he saw two men in a conversation. One of them handed the other some money, who then walked away.

"Hey, Tooms," Ferretti called. He walked up to the marine. "What's up with that wad of cash you just laid on Dreyer?"

"I was just putting some money in the latest pool."

"Which one?"

"The one about Doctor Jackson and Major Carter's relationship."

"Oh. That one." Ferretti had heard about it just this morning. Out of respect for his friendship with Daniel, he had chosen not to get involved, but he was still curious about it. "So what are the odds now?"

"Forty to one in favor of it going up in flames like the Hindenburg within the next three months."

"Forty to one, huh?"

"Yep." Tooms looked at his watch. "I gotta get to my post. See you later." He hurried away down the corridor.

Ferretti turned and continued in the opposite direction. He went around the corner and froze in his tracks at the sight of Daniel standing there, staring at him, an expression of pain and anger on his face. Ferretti instantly knew what that meant.

_'Oh, shit,'_ he said to himself.

Without saying a word, Daniel spun around and strode away.

"Daniel! Daniel, wait!" Ferretti ran after the archeologist, knowing that if he didn't say something, their friendship would very likely be over.

The major failed to catch the same elevator and took the stairs instead, guessing that Daniel was going to his office. He got there just a few seconds after the archeologist did.

"Daniel, listen to me," Ferretti said. "I have no money in the pool. I swear. I was just asking about the odds."

Daniel's voice, when he spoke, was tight and full of hurt. "And how many people do, Ferretti? How many people are betting on how long it will take for my relationship with Sam to end? I figured a lot of people would think that it wouldn't last long, but to make wagers on it? I thought that most of the people on this base knew what honor and decency meant." He turned away. "Apparently, I was wrong."

Daniel's words made Ferretti feel terrible. Though he had chosen not to get involved in it, he hadn't really thought that the pool was a rotten thing to do. Now, he realized how shameful it was.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. You're right. It should never have gotten started."

"I just pray to God that Sam never finds out. She'd be really hurt to know that people she serves with have that kind of disrespect for her."

Not knowing what else to say, Ferretti left. He didn't know what to do about this, though he felt like he should do something. What should really happen was for someone to put an end to the pool, but he'd have no way to do that. A thought came to him. Though _he_ couldn't stop it, there was someone else who probably could.

Oh, man. He really did not want to do this, but if he didn't, his conscience would rag on him endlessly.

Preparing himself, Ferretti made his way to another office. If he was lucky, the person to whom it belonged wouldn't be there, and he could put this off for a while.

As it turned out, luck was not on his side.

"Um . . . hi, Jack."

"Lou. What's shakin'?"

The major stepped further into the office. "Uh, well, you know about the pools we have around here. You've put money into some of them yourself."

"That I have. Is there a new one that I'd be interested in?"

"Uhhh . . . sort of."

Seeing how nervous Ferretti was, Jack focused a hard gaze upon him. "Spit it out, Lou."

"It's about Daniel and Sam."

Jack already felt himself starting to get angry. "I see. And what, pray tell, is the exact nature of this pool?"

"It's . . . it's on how long it'll be before their relationship crashes and burns."

Ferretti could no longer look at Jack. The man's eyes would probably turn him to stone if he did.

"And do you have money in this pool, Ferretti?"

Shit. Forget the eyes. That voice could probably curdle a man's insides.

"No! Absolutely not."

"Well, that's good. I'm glad to hear it. So why are you telling me about this?"

Figuring it was safe to do so now, Ferretti looked at his former C.O. "Daniel found out."

"Crap. I'm betting he didn't take it well."

"No. It really upset him. I was thinking that maybe you could do something about this."

"You mean talk to Daniel?"

"No, I mean put an end to the pool. It should never have gotten started in the first place."

"No, it shouldn't have. Do you know what ass is responsible?"

"I think it was Jenkins. Dreyer is the banker."

Jack's face darkened. "Jenkins, huh. That's no surprise." Though Major Jenkins had a spotless record and, on paper, was an excellent Air Force officer, when it came to personality, he would not get any commendations. It was also no surprise that Captain Dreyer was the one holding everyone's money. He was one of the few people Jenkins could call a friend.

Jack got to his feet. "Thanks, Lou. I'll take care of this."

As Ferretti watched Jack stride away, he almost felt sorry for Jenkins. On second thought, he didn't feel sorry for the man at all. In fact, he was wishing that he could watch Jenkins get his head handed to him. Hell, he wished that he could sell tickets. It would probably be worth the admission.

* * *

><p>Jack spotted his quarry in the commissary. Putting a lid on his anger, Jack went up to him.<p>

"Major, you and I have something to discuss."

Clearly surprised, Jenkins looked up at him. "About what, sir?"

"I'll tell you after you come with me."

Jenkins looked down at his barely eaten meal. "Right now, sir?"

"Yes, right now. That's an order, Major."

Jenkins got up from the table and went with Jack to the colonel's office, where Jack firmly shut the door.

"Sir, is there a problem?" Jenkins asked, still completely clueless.

"You bet your ass there is. It's about the pool you got started regarding Doctor Jackson and Major Carter's personal relationship."

"Oh. With all due respect, Colonel, it's just a pool."

The man's remark made Jack's anger go up another notch. He took a step toward the man. "No, it is not _just_ a pool; it is a gross lack of respect for the man who made this place possible and for a woman who is a fellow member of the Air Force. I don't care what you think about their relationship and its chances of survival. That is your business. But when you turn it into something to bet money on right here on this base, of which I am the second in command, it become my business. You're damn lucky Hammond doesn't know about this. He'd rake you over the coals." He took another step toward the man. "So this is what you are going to do, Jenkins. You are going to end this pool. You and Dreyer will give back every cent that was wagered and tell all the pieces of crap who made those wagers that they are not to even _think_ about getting a new pool started on this subject." He took a final step, bringing himself to within a foot of the man. "If you do not do those things, if I hear one word about this pool continuing or starting up again, I will make it my mission in life to have you permanently transferred to Eielson Air Force Base near Moose Creek, Alaska! Do I make myself clear?!"

Jenkins' back was now ramrod straight, his eyes staring over Jack's shoulder. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Now get out of my sight before I forget about the regulations regarding assaulting a junior officer."

The major quite hastily left the office.

Jack sat down, letting his anger cool. Once he was no longer thinking murderous thoughts about Jenkins, he went to Daniel's office. The archeologist, who had been frowning down at a report, looked up as he came in.

"Ferretti told me about the pool," Jack said.

Daniel's eyes immediately dropped to the desktop.

"If I was in your shoes, I'd be pretty pissed. Actually, I'm pissed anyway. Just so you know, it's over and done with."

Daniel's head lifted. "What?"

"I put an end to it. As we speak, all the people who had money in it are being given back that money."

Surprised, Daniel said, "You didn't have to do that, Jack."

"Yes, I did. It's a pool that had no business getting started. I gave a piece of my mind to the person responsible for it."

"And who was that?"

"You don't need to know that. Suffice it to say that he will never consider doing something like that again."

Daniel searched the colonel's eyes. "Thank you."

Jack nodded. He pulled a chair up to the desk and sat down.

Daniel was staring at the top of his desk again. "Sam and I knew that some people here would think this thing between us wouldn't last. We thought that we were prepared for that. But it seems like _nobody_ believes that our relationship could be a success, not you, not Janet, not anybody. I'd hoped that at least some of our friends would have faith in us."

"Hey now. Daniel, this has nothing to do with not having faith in you and Carter personally."

"You just don't have faith in the two of us together."

"I'm trying, Daniel, and I will be delighted if you prove me wrong and make all those jerks who bet against you look like idiots. In fact, I just might personally announce it over the P.A. system. Then we can all have fun watching the monitoring station recordings of everyone's reactions."

That statement made a little smile come to Daniel's lips. He studied the man standing before him. "Do you really mean that?"

"What? That I'd announce it publicly to the whole base? Hammond might have something to say about that."

"No, that you'd be delighted if Sam and I proved you and all the other naysayers wrong. Would you really be happy about it?"

Jack stared back at him for a moment, then went to the door and shut it so that no one would overhear the rest of this conversation. There was already too much gossip going around about this. He grabbed a chair on the way back to Daniel's desk and sat down.

"I think it's time we clear the air on this once and for all," he said. "Yes, I have feelings for Carter that are more than friendship. Yes, it did bother me when I found out that you two had become a couple. But like I told you before, I've had a lot of time since then to get used to it. You make Carter happy, which is a good thing. Just the other day, I found her humming in her lab? By the look on her face, I'd say that she was thinking about you. I'd much rather see her happy and with you than unhappy and not with you. So, yes, I will be delighted if you two stay together."

Daniel searched his friend's eyes for a long moment, seeing there the truth in that statement. Then he nodded. "Okay."

Jack got to his feet. "Speaking of Carter, I'm assuming that you'll be spending the night with her, so give her my wishes for a speedy recovery."

"Will do."

Daniel watched Jack leave, happy that one weight had been lifted from his mind.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Sam called Janet and begged the doctor to let her come back to work, promising that she'd stay off her feet as much as possible. Janet reluctantly agreed, extracting a second promise from Daniel that he'd make sure Sam kept <em>her<em> promise. The way he did so was to set up a temporary office space for himself in Sam's lab. Every time she needed something that would require getting up, he got it for her. It resulted in him not getting a whole lot of work done, but it kept Sam off her feet most of the time.

It was a while after noon when Jack came into Sam's lab. Daniel was tucked in a corner, hunched over a stone tablet with some kind of writing on it, and Sam was at her worktable, hunched over some doohickey. They were completely engrossed in what they were doing and hadn't noticed him, so he spent some time looking back and forth between them.

"Is there any chance that you two are twins that were separated at birth?" he finally asked, startling them both.

"I certainly _hope_ not," Daniel responded. "This would be a very . . . awkward situation if we are."

Jack grimaced. "Yeah, um . . . I'm not gonna think about that. So, are you two planning on stopping for lunch any time soon?"

Sam looked at her watch. "Is it that time already?"

"Yes, it is, Carter."

"I am getting kind of hungry," Daniel said.

"Well, I know just the cure for that."

The three of them went to lunch, where they met Teal'c. During the meal, Jack noticed a few people looking their way.

"What's up with the looks?" he asked his teammates and Daniel.

The archeologist didn't even glance up from his food. "It's been going on since word got out about our relationship. Sam and I mostly try to ignore it."

Jack wasn't satisfied with just ignoring the looks, so he subjected each person to his Colonel O'Neill glare, and every one of them instantly found their food to be more interesting.

"I wish I could do that," said Sam with a sigh. "My glares don't work like yours do."

"It takes years of practice, Carter. Of course, having been in Black Ops does help."

"As does being a colonel," Daniel added.

"Yes, there is that, too."

"Hopefully, it will stop once everyone gets used to us being a couple."

Jack took a bite of his lunch. "I heard about that unexpected delivery Fraiser had to deal with last night."

Daniel frowned in confusion. "What unexpected delivery?"

Sam was the one who answered. "Doctor Patterson suddenly went into labor a month early. She was going to be starting maternity leave at the end of the week, but I guess the baby got impatient. Janet had to deliver it."

"Is the baby okay?"

"Yes, he's fine. He's a little small, but that's to be expected for a preemie. Janet's going to keep him and his mom here through today to make sure there are no problems."

"I bet the father is climbing the walls," Jack said. "He wouldn't be able to come on base to see them. I was out of the country when Charlie was born, and it took three days for me to get home. Those were a long three days."

Sam smiled. "I went to see the baby this morning, and he is so adorable. He's got black hair just like his mom." She glanced at Daniel and instantly knew that something was wrong. He was staring at his plate, but he wasn't eating. "Daniel, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing." He put a smile on his lips, though it appeared a little forced. He then got to his feet. "I'm, uh, going to take this back with me to the lab so I can get back to work on that translation. I promised that I'd try to get it done before I go home today."

With tray in hand, Daniel left the infirmary.

"What was that about?" Jack wondered aloud.

"I believe that our discussion about Doctor Patterson's baby caused Daniel Jackson to think about his wife's missing son," answered Teal'c.

Sam gasped. "Oh my gosh. I didn't even think about that. What with all the stuff that's been going on, I hadn't even thought about Sha're's baby." She stood up and grabbed her crutches. "I need to go talk to him."

Sam made her slow way to her lab, cursing the crutches the entire distance. When she got there, Daniel's tray of food was there, but he wasn't. Guessing that he'd gone to his office, Sam headed over there. She found him standing before one of his bookshelves, holding a book that he wasn't really looking at.

"Daniel?"

The archeologist started violently and turned to her. "What? Oh. Sam. I realized I needed a book for the—"

"Daniel, stop. Stop pretending you're fine. You're thinking about Sha're's son, aren't you."

Daniel's gaze dropped back to the book in his hands. "All these weeks, and I've barely given him a thought. I didn't _want_ to think about him, about yet another way that I failed Sha're. I should have kept him safe. I should have brought him back with me to Earth instead of leaving him with Kasuf. Then he'd be okay instead of out there somewhere, in the hands of God knows who."

"Daniel, we all thought that he'd be safe with Kasuf. We couldn't have known that Amaunet would figure out he was still on Abydos."

"If only I knew where he was, had at least some idea."

"Amaunet didn't give you any kind of clue on his whereabouts?"

"She only said that he was someplace where we and the System Lords wouldn't find him. It's a big galaxy, Sam, and he's one tiny baby. What hope would we really have of finding him?"

"I don't know, Daniel, but that doesn't mean we won't try. Now come on back to the lab and finish your lunch."

The couple returned to Sam's lab. When they got there, the astrophysicist found her own unfinished lunch sitting on her worktable. Guessing that she had her C.O. to thank for that, she sat down to finish it. As she ate, she glanced at Daniel often. He just picked at his food for several minutes before finally finishing it.

He spoke very little the rest of the day, and Sam knew that he was thinking about his wife's son. She wished that there was a way to bring him comfort. More than that, she wished that she could promise him they'd find the baby. But Daniel was right about that. It was a very big galaxy with thousands upon thousands of planets. Where would they even start the search?

Daniel didn't stay with Sam that night. Normally, she wouldn't have thought much about it since they weren't supposed to be spending every night together, but she had a feeling that he wanted to be alone tonight.

The next day, Sam's ankle was feeling strong enough that she dispensed with the crutches. Daniel had moved his stuff back to his office, so she had her lab to herself - that is until the object of her thoughts came striding in. He looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep and was running on around a gallon of coffee.

"Did you get any sleep at all last night?" she asked.

"No, not really. I spent the whole night thinking about the baby and what Amaunet said." He began to pace. "I-I never thought about this whole thing before, not in all these months. And I should have. I should have realized that something didn't fit."

"Daniel, what are you talking about?"

He stopped and stared at her. "Why does that baby even exist, Sam? It certainly wasn't an accident."

She frowned. "I don't follow you."

"Sha're told me that Apophis intended to make the baby his new host. With all the billions of humans available out there in the galaxy, why go through all the time and trouble of producing a baby, then wait for it to grow up? On top of that, why would Amaunet bother to go get him from the Abydonians and then hide him from the System Lords?"

"You're right. That doesn't make sense."

"And then there's Heru'ur. I had believed that he went to Abydos to grab both Amaunet and the baby, but now I think what he really wanted was just the baby. So what is it with that baby? What's so special about him? Do you have any memories from Jolinar about Goa'uld hosts producing children?"

Sam shook her head. "Not that I can recall."

"I need to talk to Teal'c."

Daniel went to the Jaffa's quarters, Sam tagging along. The archeologist asked Teal'c if he knew anything about the children of Goa'uld hosts.

"I only know that I have never before heard of the existence of such a child," Apophis' former First Prime answered. "I do know that when a Goa'uld takes a female host, it puts a halt to the woman's reproductive cycle."

"So you're saying that Amaunet would have had to choose not to do that."

"Yes."

There was a frown on Daniel's face. "Teal'c, do you think that Bra'tac might have more answers?"

"It is possible."

"We should ask the Tok'ra, too," Sam said. "We didn't say anything to Dad about the baby when he was here."

Daniel nodded. "It looks like I'm going to have to talk to the general."

Before doing that, Daniel got hold of Jack and told him what was going on. It ended up being all four of them that went to see the general.

Hammond agreed that the mystery was worth solving and said that he'd send a message to the Tok'ra saying that there was a matter of possible importance to discuss with them.

"Do you know where Bra'tac is?" he asked Teal'c.

"It is my understanding that he is on Chulak, searching for Jaffa who are willing to rebel against the Goa'uld."

"Could you get a message to him?"

"Yes, it would be possible to do so through one of the rebel Jaffa that still reside there, although, in order to do so, I would have to go there."

"Teal'c, if someone loyal to Apophis saw you, you'd be captured or killed," Daniel said.

"Then it will be necessary for me to disguise my appearance."

"I'm not liking this," Jack said. "I don't think that finding out the mystery of that baby is worth risking Teal'c's life."

"I agree that Teal'c shouldn't risk his life, Jack, but this must be important," Daniel told him. "Amaunet relinquished control to Sha're for all those months so that the pregnancy would go to term. What would make a Goa'uld do that?"

"Daniel's right, sir," Sam said. "No Goa'uld would willingly give up control of the host's body unless it was really important, especially for that long."

Hammond turned his gaze upon Teal'c. "What do you believe your chances would be of contacting someone on Chulak without being identified?"

"It is the gold emblem on my forehead that is most identifiable. If it could be hidden, only those Jaffa who have seen me before would be aware of who I am. If I avoid the village in which I and my family lived, there would be less danger of that."

Daniel stared at the emblem. "How about some black paint? Regular Jaffa have the emblem tattooed on their skin. If it was painted black, it would look like just a tattoo, unless you got really close."

Sam nodded. "And if Teal'c also wore a wig, it would help even more."

Hammond's gaze focused upon Teal'c and Jack. "All right. The decision is up to the two of you."

"I am willing to undergo the mission, General Hammond," the Jaffa immediately responded.

Jack was a lot slower in replying. "Okay, but he's not going alone. I'm going with him."

"And me," Sam said.

"I am, too," said Daniel. Everyone turned to him.

"You are no longer a member of SG-1, Doctor Jackson," Hammond reminded him. "In your position as a consultant, you are not permitted to go through the Stargate unless your presence is required on a mission or would be of particular benefit to it."

"But this is about Sha're's son."

"I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."

Daniel looked at his ex-teammates. This would be the first time they'd be embarking on a dangerous mission without him. How would he handle that? He already knew the answer. He'd go crazy worrying about them, worrying about Sam.

Daniel thought about what Jack had said to him, that perhaps he needed to find a new reason to be on SG-1. If he was on the team, he wouldn't be stuck on base worrying about his friends' safety. He'd be right there with them on missions, helping to make sure they all got home safely.

In that moment, Daniel realized that, even if there was no other reason for rejoining the team, that was reason enough.

"I want back on the team," he declared firmly.

"Doctor Jackson, I cannot reinstate you to SG-1 simply because you want to be on this mission."

"I understand that, sir, but I know now that I don't want Sam, Jack and Teal'c going on missions without me there to help in whatever way I can. I need to be with them instead of sitting here, wondering what's happening."

Making an effort to hide how pleased he was, Jack turned to Hammond. "Sir, I want Daniel back on my team. I know you may have reservations because of his and Carter's relationship, but I think they can keep it from interfering with their jobs."

The general sat silently as the seconds ticked by, every pair of eyes upon him.

"Very well," he said at last. "You are now officially back on SG-1, Doctor Jackson. See that you don't make me regret it."

"I won't, sir."

"As for this mission," he turned to Sam, "will your ankle be well enough by tomorrow?"

"I think so, sir. It barely hurts at all now. I'll rest it as much as possible today."

"Even so, you'll need to get a medical release from Doctor Fraiser. If she agrees that you're fit, we'll schedule the mission for tomorrow morning, 0800 hours. If we hear back from the Tok'ra before then, and they tell us what we need to know, the mission will be canceled."

"Yes, sir," Jack said. "Thank you."

Sam waited until they were on the elevator before giving Daniel a big hug.

"It's going to be so great having you back on the team," she told him.

Jack patted Daniel on the back. "What she said."

"I, too, am pleased that you will once again be on SG-1, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c stated.

"Thanks, guys."

Wanting to rest her ankle as much as possible, Sam went straight to her lab, intending to call Janet from there. Daniel went to his office. He'd been there for around fifteen minutes when Jack came in.

"Tell me the truth, Daniel. The real reason you wanted back on the team isn't that you want to be there in case we're in need of your help on a mission. You want to be there in case Carter gets in trouble."

Daniel shook his head. "Every time you guys went on a mission since I quit the team I worried about _all_ of you, Jack, not just Sam."

"But she's the one you worried about the most."

Daniel didn't reply, which gave Jack his answer. He studied his best friend's face. "You're afraid that you're going to lose her, too."

The archeologist paused before answer. "I've lost a lot of people in my life who meant a great deal to me. Losing Sha're hurt more than anything I've gone through since the death of my parents, and the thought of losing Sam, too. . . . What we have together has come to be very important to me. _She_ is very important to me." He met Jack's eyes. "I know that you still think our relationship is doomed to fail, but I hope that you can at least believe me when I say that."

"I do, Daniel. As for your relationship being doomed to fail. . . ." Jack paused before saying the next words. "I'm beginning to think that maybe the odds aren't quite as much against you as I originally thought."


End file.
